End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

Once the obligation to pay maintenance ends, you pay for or pay to the adult child direct, no direct payments to mother.
Sadly too many on this thread lack basic comprehension and also think ex wife/partner should be supported forever.
Sounds like OPs DH is a great supportive dad who tbf has paid way over the odds especially as it's 50/50 contact

Hardly.

And you came to that conclusion from which of the OPs posts exactly?

Idiot.

He ll be getting 500 a month from dad and stepmum and is intending to work.

I think you are gracious for letting her know so she can plan ahead and think about her finances.

Yourself and your partner sound very sensible and extremely supportive of your DSS both in terms of current finances and future support to get on the housing market.

If you are outside England & Wales the rules will obviously be different but within England and Wales the obligation for child maintenance to be paid largely mirrors eligibility for child benefit I.e it is paid until the first Friday in September after a child leaves full time
secondary education provided that education is up to A level or equivalent.

Once the standard of education being persued is above A level standard the maintenance stops. If a child re takes a levels or does a course of study lower than that of A levels then maintenance obligations continue to 20th birthday.

This relates to an obligation to pay maintenance to the other parent. There MAY be an ongoing responsibility to support the child directly but the other parent doesn’t have a claim.

I think the op is being extremely generous and this is one lucky young adult.

God. The hard-of-thinking and unable-to-read all woke up at the same time this morning.

I think most teens would be overjoyed with the version of poverty that sees your uni fees paid, a good monthly allowance, a car and fuel card, a big trip to Japan and lots of nice foreign holidays, a lump sum when you graduate as well as a base back at their dad's as a minimum.

If the dude is paying £1500 a month he sure as hell is providing some form of housing

If this is poverty I want it 😭😂

Poverty! Crikey I'd have loved that sort of poverty at 18!! 🤣

OP you are being more than fair and I can guarantee that if you were the mum posting about this you'd be told not to be so greedy. It's the world of Mumsnet unfortunately. Like a parallel universe!!

I'm reading a book about biases at the moment.
Also slow and fast thinking.

Would you believe some people read something and then react quickly, without slowing down and thinking?

Would you believe some people just read stuff, but then the brain interprets it to fill in their view of the world, and then people respond not to what they've read but to what they think they've read and then they react?

This thread is a classic example.

would that have been a divorce settlement? It is common that a divorce settlement would be handled differently. Is that fair to say?

I think with your updates that sounds fair.

The problem was you didn’t provide enough detail in your OP, like mentioning you aren’t in the UK so terms run differently, that DSS has an allowance etc, and so you got some negative replies. Not sure if you did that on purpose or not to enjoy the show but there we are. This thread has brought out some totally bonkers people.

Would it be fair to say that they could have come to a settlement re the house and also any maintenance - which neither you or I know about,

Poverty? Having your uni fees paid, an allowance, a car ect and a fat deposit is poverty?

Hi, what's the book please? Sounds interesting.

You're being totally fair OP. You know you are - from him being 18.

Has he been living with your DH 50/50 for the entirety of his life? The reason I ask this is because if not, then his mum will have had to, at some point, sacrificed more than what your husband has. And that will have left her in a position that she hasn't been able to generate as much wealth as you have. Did your DH nip to collect him from school when he was poorly? Did he ring in to work to explain he wouldn't be in because of his son being poorly despite the fact he might have missed a very important meeting? Did he do exactly the same 'parenting' (not bank rolling) as his sons mum did? Can you honestly say that your husband has contributed parentally the exact same as his mum? Because all your post talks about is money and as we all know, that's not even half of it when it comes to bringing up children.

Because the OP very clearly asked how to mitigate the child's mother kicking off about the change and asked for ways to mitigate before setting out their own plan to write the letter to try to mitigate the fallout. It's one of only two questions in the OP.

But it wouldn’t have been a divorce settlement ✌️

My post was saying that the OP was ambiguous and it could read like that paragraph you posted.

(Although the support to my friend did stop when she turned 18 and she had to pay rent. What’s a poor 18 year old supposed to do in that situation? Move out? It’s harsh but bad parents have you over a barrel in these situations).

"DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?"

So instead of asking about such things, people projected what they thought / used their own experiences to get angry at the OP.

deeeeep 😆

oh dear @cakeorwine ! 🤭

I think, luckily, ppl they have changed the law in the UK so situations like your friends do not happen anymore.

I think some people are commenting before reading your updates OP. You're doing everything right & it's great to see a young person with so much support as they navigate the awkward uni years.
Of course you don't need to support his mum anymore. He won't even be there. It's right that you support him directly as you're planning on doing. I'd maybe send her an email just as a heads up that the funds will be going to DSS just so she can factor that in. I'd have no issue with what your doing if it was my son.