SS Opened One Of My Gifts

[MelainesLaugh]

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable. Bearing in mind this isn’t a child we are talking about, he’s in his 20s. I had two SD with my first DH and I swore I’d never let myself get in this situation again because that was really awful and they used my stuff all the time without asking. However they are younger.

He was in the kitchen with DH today and he saw one of my gifts from my friend, still in its box. He commented on it and asked DH if he’d used it yet. I commented saying that was mine from my friend. He went ahead and opened it, took it out of the box and had a good look at it. Afterwards I commented I couldn’t believe he had opened my present and he said that he just wanted to look at it. DH said nothing, and he’s now gone out to take the dogs for a walk while I’m seething. Surely you don’t go into someone’s house and do that?!

He also made a big deal out of giving DH a really expensive gift, first time he’s ever given him anything major, and I got nothing. I wouldn’t have wanted anything, but it felt like it was just a big show in front of his new GF who he brought over for DH to meet.

I don’t know whether to just let it drop because I’m sure it’s past experiences with my ex SDs that’s making me feel like this, or whether I should comment to DH that it was out of order

agree with others that it very much depends on what you mean by 'ripped open'. Let'd say it's perfume. If you had taken the wrapping off but it was still in cellophane and he opened that and then tore the box before squirting, I'd be a bit pissed off. Using the same example, if the cellophane was off but you hadn't unboxed it, and he did and admired the bottle - it's a non event and you are over-reacting.

To paraphrase it, to get involved with a dh1 with dsc is unfortunate, but to get involved with dh2 with dsc is just carelessness.

I think 20-somethings are generally really rather selfish. My DH has lots of nephews and nieces who year after year cheerfully accept Christmas presents and get us nothing in return. It blows my mind. I don’t expect much - a token present would be great. These are adults who have left home, earn decent money, etc.

And to answer your question - your DSS does not give a fuck about you.

The present was already unwrapped, so he didn't open your present. It is a bit forward to take it out of its box, but nothing to get too upset about.

Do you mean half siblings?

Not everything an adult does is down to how they were parented. He’s in his 20s ffs.

One way and another you seem determined to find fault with him.

So what if he gave his Dad a big gift? Yes it was thoughtless not to get you anything, but that doesn’t mean his generosity was showing off to his girlfriend.

And surely he brought her to meet you both . I hope you were welcoming.

He shouldn’t have opened the box without asking, but you already commented about it . Seething is way OTT, and no, don’t bring it up again to your DH.

This sounds like their parents neglected to teach them the basics of good manners.

I would be mortified if my adult son showed up at someone's home on Christmas day without a gift for their host.

And if adults don't want to exchange gifts that's perfectly fine, but you make that clear before Christmas. How embarrassing to sit there accepting gifts without reciprocating; you're not 5 years old anymore🤔

Yeah my AuDHD 8 year old wouldn’t do it either. And her impulse control is poor!

Not a fan of jumping to an ND diagnosis from one example of questionable behaviour either 🥴

I want to know what the gift was too as I think that is relevant.

Maybe he just doesn’t like you? I wouldn’t buy a present for someone I didn’t like. Your DH picked you. Your dss didn’t, so doesn’t have to like you. As long as he’s civil with you, then that’s all you can hope for. I wouldn’t have been happy if he’d torn the packaging when opening your gift, but if he just removed it to look at it, it wouldn’t bother me. I think though, the main focus of your anger is not the opening of the gift. That’s secondary to the fact he bought your dh a gift but not you.

Irrelevant what the gift is if the box is obviously sealed and unopened. He’s an adult, capable of either asking to have a look. Very rude OP, surprised DH didn’t say anything.

Tell the little shit that if he ever opens your presents again you’ll throw his own gifts in the bin.

Never get him a present again.

And dump your H being for being a snivelling coward.

If I were his GF that behaviour would give me a serious case of icks. It was a big show - to show his GF he can act like a total twat and get away with it. Oh such a big man. Why your DH didn't say something is beyond me. Very poor treatment of you and would give me a second case of icks

@MelainesLaugh you mention that your SS has a new girlfriend and that this is the first time that he has bought his father such an expensive gift. When I met my DH 'he' suddenly started buying gifts for his sister, aunt etc. This was of course my shopping habits coming to the fore. Could the present for your DH be from the girlfriend and if its the first time you have met her she may not have thought to buy you anything/been inaccurately briefed. (He does not sound thoughtful enough to have been buying an expensive gift for his dad in order to impress his girlfriend, but could have been showing off how pleased his dad was with the gift that 'they' had bought?

It’s unacceptable to open someone’s property without permission.

this…he should have gotten you something token, but it sounds like you guys don’t like each other at all

It's a form of control

Dh and dc are both ASD.

^

Here we go again

What was in the box?

Very good comment, (bum).
I got the same feeling.

My good god people can’t ACTUALLY be this ridiculous? That goes for people in the comments too

Sounds as if you’re the problem to me, you didn’t get on with your previous step daughters now your stepson.
You sound as if you’re looking for trouble, you obviously don’t like him and I guess he doesn’t like you either.

I think the ss is rude.
Would it be ok for the op to open up the ss’s gifts?
There was a post some time ago and it was generally agreed that it is rude for someone to pick up and read other people’s cards. Yet I would consider this on the same level.
I also think it’s rude not to give the host a gift ( however small such as a bottle of wine.)
I just find it bad manners.