Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

SS Opened One Of My Gifts

124 replies

MelainesLaugh · 28/12/2024 15:00

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable. Bearing in mind this isn’t a child we are talking about, he’s in his 20s. I had two SD with my first DH and I swore I’d never let myself get in this situation again because that was really awful and they used my stuff all the time without asking. However they are younger.

He was in the kitchen with DH today and he saw one of my gifts from my friend, still in its box. He commented on it and asked DH if he’d used it yet. I commented saying that was mine from my friend. He went ahead and opened it, took it out of the box and had a good look at it. Afterwards I commented I couldn’t believe he had opened my present and he said that he just wanted to look at it. DH said nothing, and he’s now gone out to take the dogs for a walk while I’m seething. Surely you don’t go into someone’s house and do that?!

He also made a big deal out of giving DH a really expensive gift, first time he’s ever given him anything major, and I got nothing. I wouldn’t have wanted anything, but it felt like it was just a big show in front of his new GF who he brought over for DH to meet.

I don’t know whether to just let it drop because I’m sure it’s past experiences with my ex SDs that’s making me feel like this, or whether I should comment to DH that it was out of order

OP posts:
TTPDTS · 28/12/2024 15:05

Still in it's box as in - still in a box, wrapped and you hadn't opened it? Or still in its box as in - still in a box, but you've unwrapped it and seen what it is but not used it yet?

If it's the former, horrible behaviour from an adult who should know better! If it's the latter and it's more of having a look at it, I'd say rude without asking but not as bad as the first option.

Buying his dad an expensive gift shouldn't be an issue, but he should have got you a token something depending how long you've been around / how well he knows you.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/12/2024 15:08

I would have the ick for someone who has parented so ineffectually.

Original poster
MelainesLaugh · 28/12/2024 15:09

I had unwrapped it, but it was in its box which was unopened. He didn’t ask he just picked it up and ripped open the box.

Weve been together for more years than I can to imagine. He got his step siblings a joint present, that’s fine, but I was ignored.

OP posts:
AnyoneSomeone · 28/12/2024 15:15

I'd be annoyed if he damaged the box, but I wouldn't be bothered if he just took it out of the box to look at it. Shame he didn't buy you a box of chocolates or something though. Perhaps he knows you don't like him?

financialcareerstuff · 28/12/2024 15:16

' Ripped open the box'? It is still a bit hard to tell what you mean by that.... if you are being over dramatic or reasonable,

Did the box actually rip and is damaged? Or are you simply using an emotive word for 'opened'?

If it was unwrapped and clear what it is, and he opened it in a way that did not damage it, then it's a bit rude but 'fuming' would be an over reaction.

Not getting you a gift, while making a big deal in front of you about getting other people gifts is also rude.

Sounds like he doesn't like you much and wants to make that pretty clear. Worth a stern firm word from your partner......

BilboBlaggin · 28/12/2024 15:17

As soon as he picked it up and began opening it I would have grabbed it back and told him again, quite firmly, that it was mine and I would be the one to open it.

What was the present situation for SS? Did your DH buy him something by himself, or was there a gift from the both of you?

MzHz · 28/12/2024 15:17

Have you asked this bloke why you got nothing from him?

ahh… my mistake, your ds got his dad a gift and not you? Ok, I don’t expect or want anything from my OH’s adult kids

leia24 · 28/12/2024 15:21

MelainesLaugh · 28/12/2024 15:09

I had unwrapped it, but it was in its box which was unopened. He didn’t ask he just picked it up and ripped open the box.

Weve been together for more years than I can to imagine. He got his step siblings a joint present, that’s fine, but I was ignored.

I don't really understand why you didn't say hey, hands off, that's mine and I've not opened it yet.

Purplevelvetshoes · 28/12/2024 15:21

If he damaged the box I’d be annoyed but just having a look - why has that boiled your piss? Is he not allowed to look at your things?

He probably gets you can’t stand him and though ‘fuck her she hates me so I’m not getting her anything’

What he spent on his dad is fuck all to do with you?

Why do you keep getting with men if you can’t stand other peoples kids - and they have them?

Purplevelvetshoes · 28/12/2024 15:23

BilboBlaggin · 28/12/2024 15:17

As soon as he picked it up and began opening it I would have grabbed it back and told him again, quite firmly, that it was mine and I would be the one to open it.

What was the present situation for SS? Did your DH buy him something by himself, or was there a gift from the both of you?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

pimplebum · 28/12/2024 15:24

Your post is dripping in dislike of this man
yet you don’t give any other examples of his offensiveness?

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2024 15:35

I think your thread title is a bit misleading.

CandiedPrincess · 28/12/2024 15:40

My SC can be a pain but I'd be hard-pushed to get upset over this.

eastereggg · 28/12/2024 15:54

I don't get my 'step mum' a present or even write her name in my dad's Christmas card because I know full well she doesn't like me and never has. She was vile to me as a child and still slags me off and makes nasty comments behind my back so I make a point to get nothing🙂

Not saying this is your situation but there is usually something behind step children not liking the step parent.

Jennyathemall · 28/12/2024 15:56

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2024 15:35

I think your thread title is a bit misleading.

Yup. Would have been a lot worse if he was
ripping the wrapping paper off as you imply. I’m assuming you have some kind of deeper issue with him? Normal response in this situation would be “oi! I hadn’t actually looked at that yet” and not give it another thought. Not post about it on MN.

ShadowsOfTheDays · 28/12/2024 15:58

He didn't open your gift, he looked at your already-opened gift.

KilkennyCats · 28/12/2024 17:33

Jennyathemall · 28/12/2024 15:56

Yup. Would have been a lot worse if he was
ripping the wrapping paper off as you imply. I’m assuming you have some kind of deeper issue with him? Normal response in this situation would be “oi! I hadn’t actually looked at that yet” and not give it another thought. Not post about it on MN.

Edited
Show quote history

Agree, although even the “Oi, I haven’t looked at that yet” seems excessive.
They’re two adults, it hardly matters who looks at it first.

CulturalNomad · 28/12/2024 17:44

So you had a poor relationship with your 2 step-daughters from your previous marriage and now a poor relationship with your stepson from this marriage?

Might be a common denominator there🤔

I wouldn't be bothered by him handling a gift I'd already unwrapped, but if you were hosting him good manners dictate a small hostess gift was in order.

This is nothing I'd dwell on though.

PotterHead1985 · 28/12/2024 17:53

Politely, it screams only child syndrome to me (signed, an only child)!!

Flipflop223 · 02/01/2025 17:03

MelainesLaugh · 28/12/2024 15:00

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable. Bearing in mind this isn’t a child we are talking about, he’s in his 20s. I had two SD with my first DH and I swore I’d never let myself get in this situation again because that was really awful and they used my stuff all the time without asking. However they are younger.

He was in the kitchen with DH today and he saw one of my gifts from my friend, still in its box. He commented on it and asked DH if he’d used it yet. I commented saying that was mine from my friend. He went ahead and opened it, took it out of the box and had a good look at it. Afterwards I commented I couldn’t believe he had opened my present and he said that he just wanted to look at it. DH said nothing, and he’s now gone out to take the dogs for a walk while I’m seething. Surely you don’t go into someone’s house and do that?!

He also made a big deal out of giving DH a really expensive gift, first time he’s ever given him anything major, and I got nothing. I wouldn’t have wanted anything, but it felt like it was just a big show in front of his new GF who he brought over for DH to meet.

I don’t know whether to just let it drop because I’m sure it’s past experiences with my ex SDs that’s making me feel like this, or whether I should comment to DH that it was out of order

It sounds like he’s neurodivergent- not understanding that is an inappropriate thing to do and the desire to look at it overriding the impulse control.

DelphiniumBlue · 02/01/2025 17:09

I don't think it's a neurodivergent issue, more like a dog pissing on its territory. He's saying,"This is my Dad's house, and therefore mine, and so I can do what I want with anything in it, and you can't do anything about it." By picking it up and opening it, he was daring you to respond. Was this in front of his father? If so, I hope he stepped up.

DelphiniumBlue · 02/01/2025 17:10

Oh sorry, just seen it was in front of DH who didn't step up. So that's your place in the pecking order clarified.

BuildbyNumbere · 02/01/2025 17:11

What was it?

Shadylady52 · 02/01/2025 17:18

He isn't a child he's an adult so shouldn't have been touching your gift. He's so rude. Get his dad to have a word with him. Wasn't his to touch in 1st place

74Violette · 02/01/2025 17:20

Why wouldn't you comment to your DH that his son was being rude? You should be able to say that surely.

If the gift was already unwrapped then yes he was being cheeky but nothing too terrible, maybe nosy and disrespectful.

Not getting you a token present is rude, it was probably deliberate. He obviously doesn't like you, I would stop making the effort with him too - but yes communicate all this to your DH.