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Original poster

SS Opened One Of My Gifts

124 replies

MelainesLaugh · 28/12/2024 15:00

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable. Bearing in mind this isn’t a child we are talking about, he’s in his 20s. I had two SD with my first DH and I swore I’d never let myself get in this situation again because that was really awful and they used my stuff all the time without asking. However they are younger.

He was in the kitchen with DH today and he saw one of my gifts from my friend, still in its box. He commented on it and asked DH if he’d used it yet. I commented saying that was mine from my friend. He went ahead and opened it, took it out of the box and had a good look at it. Afterwards I commented I couldn’t believe he had opened my present and he said that he just wanted to look at it. DH said nothing, and he’s now gone out to take the dogs for a walk while I’m seething. Surely you don’t go into someone’s house and do that?!

He also made a big deal out of giving DH a really expensive gift, first time he’s ever given him anything major, and I got nothing. I wouldn’t have wanted anything, but it felt like it was just a big show in front of his new GF who he brought over for DH to meet.

I don’t know whether to just let it drop because I’m sure it’s past experiences with my ex SDs that’s making me feel like this, or whether I should comment to DH that it was out of order

OP posts:
Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 02/01/2025 17:21

Like pp said, is he neuro divergent?
I'm very close to my SS (18) and SD (23) so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
If you don't get on with SS or you dislike him I understand it can probably irritate you. He probably feels comfortable in your presence to do that.

None of my step kids/ bio DD get me anything and that doesn't bother me at all. I want them to save their money. Not part with money for things I might not need.

MyNewLife2025 · 02/01/2025 17:23

I wouldn’t open one of dh presents without asking him first. He’d do the same for me. Simply because it’s not mine!!

If I had a Stepchild trying to open the present like this, I’d have intervened, asked for the box back there and then with the comment ‘its not yours’.
For me, this is an extremely rude thing to do.
id have said the same to DH btw.

Ganthanga · 02/01/2025 17:23

I think the story is about your relationship with your stepson and not who opened the box first. It's a bit cheeky but why did you stand there and watch him do it?

MyNewLife2025 · 02/01/2025 17:25

Flipflop223 · 02/01/2025 17:03

It sounds like he’s neurodivergent- not understanding that is an inappropriate thing to do and the desire to look at it overriding the impulse control.

Show quote history

Dh and dc are both ASD.
Neither if then would do that.
Because they’ve been taught it’s not ok to just help yourself and take other people stuff. And because they tend to have a quite white and black thinking, they stick to it too….
Thats not ND. That’s poor manners.

bridgetreilly · 02/01/2025 17:36

I honestly think this is a fuss about nothing. The present had been unwrapped, so what he’s looking at is just a thing still in its box, over a week after Christmas. If you didn’t want him to look at it, why didn’t you tell him?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/01/2025 17:40

Your title implied that he’d opened a wrapped present. Very misleading!

Haffdonga · 02/01/2025 17:42

YABU Total non event and it sounds like you're looking for reasons to be pissed off with your SS.
You say it was in the kitchen and he asked his dad if he'd used it, so it's obviously a kitchen implement of some sort and not a very personalised item only for you. You'd unwrapped it. You knew what it was but for some reason you hadn't even bothered to get it out of its box yourself a week after Christmas, so really your dss taking it out of its box seems nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 02/01/2025 17:43

It's not about a torn box.
If you had an otherwise good relationship you wouldnt care or be bothered by this.

It's the general lack of respect from him towards you and the fact you dont like each other.

Lindtnotlint · 02/01/2025 17:43

Mountain, meet mole-hill.

RomainingToBeSeen · 02/01/2025 17:43

I'm curious as to what could possibly be in a box in the kitchen that taking something out of its box and having a good look at it could cause this much angst. A food gift... just having a look to see what sort of jam/chutney/cheese/chocolate/teabags are in the box? A candle... just having a sniff? A kitchen knife... A new coffee machine... A novelty kitchen brush?

Not getting a gift from SS is a bit hurtful but depends on what's been the 'norm' previously. It sounds as if two issues (and a dislike of SS) have been mixed up here.

Blipette · 02/01/2025 17:48

If it was unwrapped and sitting in its box, I actually wouldn’t care if he opened it and had a look, sniff of it whatever.

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 17:50

eastereggg · 28/12/2024 15:54

I don't get my 'step mum' a present or even write her name in my dad's Christmas card because I know full well she doesn't like me and never has. She was vile to me as a child and still slags me off and makes nasty comments behind my back so I make a point to get nothing🙂

Not saying this is your situation but there is usually something behind step children not liking the step parent.

Absolutely this. My step mum didn’t get me anything. It was the same present I would have got from my dad anyway with her name added to the tag. There was no contribution from her so there’s nothing to reciprocate.

Pumpkinpie1 · 02/01/2025 17:51

I think that anything your Step Son/ children did you would find fault with OP .
Maybe your 2025 resolution could be mending bridges instead of burning them .

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 17:56

MyNewLife2025 · 02/01/2025 17:25

Dh and dc are both ASD.
Neither if then would do that.
Because they’ve been taught it’s not ok to just help yourself and take other people stuff. And because they tend to have a quite white and black thinking, they stick to it too….
Thats not ND. That’s poor manners.

Show quote history

It’s not how ND presents in your DH and DC. I don’t think this statistically insignificant dataset speaks for all neurodivergent people.

CrowleyKitten · 02/01/2025 17:58

Flipflop223 · 02/01/2025 17:03

It sounds like he’s neurodivergent- not understanding that is an inappropriate thing to do and the desire to look at it overriding the impulse control.

Show quote history

no excuse. if someone tells you to leave their stuff alone, you leave it alone.

AnarchismUK · 02/01/2025 17:58

Unwrapped I wouldn't think twice.

CrowleyKitten · 02/01/2025 18:02

I got a new dinosaur figure for Christmas (my husband always gets me one for the collection.
she's still in the box. I'd be miffed if someone took her out of the box instead of me. it's part of the fun, daft as it sounds.

mrsm43s · 02/01/2025 18:06

So you had a gift that you'd unwrapped and left on the side in the kitchen. Let's assume for ease it's a new set of kitchen scales in a box.

So he spotted the box, had a conversation with his DF about whether he'd used them, then opened the box, took the scales out and admired them and put them back in the box.

And you're seething?

Honestly, it would be a non event in this house.

In terms of a present, did you (not his DF) buy him a present just from you (adding your name to his DF's gift doesn't count). If not, why are you complaining? You and he don't have a tradition of exchanging gifts, which is fair enough.

Dotto · 02/01/2025 18:08

No, I don't think this is anything really.

Did you buy him a present as an individual, from just you?

SapphireSeptember · 02/01/2025 18:16

Nah, that's not on. I like getting things out of the box. If it's a really nice box, I'll want to keep it so I open those ones carefully. Ripping it open so you can have a good nosy is just plain rude.

Floranan · 02/01/2025 18:16

You are getting a lot of negative comments, what does it matter he was only looking comments !, I can only assume that these people have never been there or are the type that would do the same. I hate people who assume they can touch my stuff. My MIL was a whatsit for reading cards, I would put my birthday cards up and she would pick them up and read the comments ! A postcard was read before even being given to me !. I’m going back a few years but the principal is the same.

my son gave me some special lights for growing plants ( tomatoes etc before anyone comments !). I open the parcel but not the box, it looked complicated and I had dinner to cook. Later in the afternoon I heard son have a go at DH went to investigate and found DH had got my gift out and was setting up and playing around with it. DS was upset, he had bought it for me I was upset it was my gift to play with. I don’t think DH will ever do it again !

no he shouldn’t have open the box, he could have asked at least, but having been told no, it should be left.

as for a gift, a box of chocolates or some smellies would have been nice, but he probably didn’t even think of it.

SaySomethingMan · 02/01/2025 18:16

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 02/01/2025 17:43

It's not about a torn box.
If you had an otherwise good relationship you wouldnt care or be bothered by this.

It's the general lack of respect from him towards you and the fact you dont like each other.

If he liked OP or cared about her, Im
imagine, he would’ve open her unopened gift first. Or he’d have taken care in opening at the very least.
OP, I can understand your annoyance tbh.

RiseOfGru · 02/01/2025 18:18

You seem to pick men whose children have an uncommon sense of (no) boundaries. Do the men have odd boundaries too, or just not parent their children effectively? Not blaming you but there is a pattern here and it's not that common for teens and adults to do this. What else do they all do?

Lwrenn · 02/01/2025 18:19

“I’ve got a massive strap on I’m planning to peg your dad senseless with later on, that is still boxed, would you like to open that?”

devilspawn · 02/01/2025 18:26

mrsm43s · 02/01/2025 18:06

So you had a gift that you'd unwrapped and left on the side in the kitchen. Let's assume for ease it's a new set of kitchen scales in a box.

So he spotted the box, had a conversation with his DF about whether he'd used them, then opened the box, took the scales out and admired them and put them back in the box.

And you're seething?

Honestly, it would be a non event in this house.

In terms of a present, did you (not his DF) buy him a present just from you (adding your name to his DF's gift doesn't count). If not, why are you complaining? You and he don't have a tradition of exchanging gifts, which is fair enough.

But what it is is important. Scales, no I wouldn't be bothered.

But I would be bothered if it were:

Something collectible or limited edition that shouldn't have been opened at all or where the box condition mattered.

Something where opening it for the first time is part of the experience because it's built into the packaging design, and it was a spoiler.

Something where it's hard to get back into the box and I needed it in its box for some reason (easier to move, protective, etc).

But it were something that mattered to me I wouldn't have left it out.