Petty Polly

[GlassCaseOfEmotions]

At the end of my tether with my DP's ExW!

Consistently, she messes around with pick up/ drop off times and pretty much just does whatever suits her! Won't unlock or answer the door/ phone when DSS's are dropped off on time to her, which has often meant we have to drive them back to our home and rearrange our day. I'm lucky my employer is very flexible, but there have been times I need to be at a meeting over 3 hours away and then can't attend.

Anyway, I've had enough of it. I've had enough of everyone dancing to her tune. I've had to rearrange my plans (work/ family commitments/ activities/ time with DP) to suit her on too many occasions, and there is never a consequence for her except DP giving her a bollocking.

DP and I have always made sure we are on time or slightly early (not a phonecall when we are outside her house a hour early with no prior communication. But 10/15 minutes early and let her/ DSS know there's no rush).

So, next handover day is me doing pick up. Petty Polly in me is going to turn up whenever I feel like it. It won't change anything, she will still do what she likes, but it'll at least make me feel better that she's been negatively impacted for once.

Sorry, I'm still waiting for you to clarify the point you were trying to make before.

It is not up to a grown adult to manage another grown adults behaviour. What is he meant to do? Put her door through?

No dirty work to be done!

And I assume you have read my comments here where I've said the way I was being/ feeling made all our lives a misery? And that's why I changed my approach.

Fucking hell OP I don't know why you posted. Reply after reply telling you to take a step back, but you're not having it. I give up.

I'm not missing any point.

I have been happily single for a long time prior to this relationship. A relationship doesn't define me and I don't require dick in my life to continue to function.

A relationship doesn't define me and I don't require dick in my life to continue to function.

Great. Then, if you want to be rid of all this negativity and angst, regardless of who the cause of it is that's irrelevant, then you have an option to leave. That was all my point was. You are choosing to be part of this.

Oh. @OneLemonPanda
A baby. That makes everything more problematic.

So stop dropping them off and make her pick them up. Use additional childcare. Make your dh do it. Go for 100% custody due to her emotional abuse of refusing to her children into their own home (imagine how damaging it is for the children every time you drop them back and they aren't allowed in).

You have options, whether you chose to utilise any of them is up to you but if you don't want to then you'll just have to put up with it 🤷‍♀️

She dropped them off at school once, and then went on holiday for a week. This was AFTER we said we couldn't accommodate the extra days that week.

If you had also been on holiday, the children would probably have ended up in care.

But I agree with everyone who has suggested you step back, OP

So he works in a prison? That’s one of the few jobs I know that doesn’t allow a phone at work. What would he do if you weren’t on the scene OP? You must be letting other people down that you’re rearranging meetings at the last minute which is pretty unprofessional tbh.

Simple solution, go to court for the children living with their dad full time and he’ll need to sort extra childcare for you both to be able to do your jobs without anything impacting them. If that’s not something you want to do then stop inconveniencing yourself

Simple solution, go to court for the children living with their dad full time and he’ll need to sort extra childcare for you both to be able to do your jobs without anything impacting them. If that’s not something you want to do then stop inconveniencing yourself

I can’t imagine many step parents would want this, so agree OP needs to detach

You give her 3 mins after knocking.
After that you return home with the kids and if she wants them she must then collect them.

Sorry everyone, I was off enjoying my evening with DP 🥰

The issue with written communication is that you don't hear people's tone or see their body language. There's no anger from me. It's an annoyance and inconvenience.

I would have no issue with my DSS's living here full time. Many of the previous issues we have faced are no longer issues, and the others we are working on.

There is no court order in place, and no court could order a NRP to do something as trivial as open a door or answer the phone to their children. That's just what a decent person should do.

ExW is not having the kids palmed off on her during DP's time, to clarify that again. This is during her time.

I don't know what my partners work location has to do with anything to the PP who asked 🤣 but no, you're way off the mark!

To whoever said they've never been annoyed and ranted about someone in 5 years since they got divorced, good for you 🎉 I'm glad the divorce meant nothing in your life ever bothered you again!

To everyone else, enjoy your Sunday evening making wild narratives about my life 🤣♥️

You explain to your dp

he does the drop offs and pick ups, then if the other parent isn’t available- he can sort it with her

presently you have your hands tied behind your back on this one, whereas he doesn’t

stand back and let them sort out how to do change over with the children.

Would it be worth getting a court order and have her do the drop offs and pick up. Record any times she fails to show and take her back to court each time she breeches the order.

I don't think I'd want to go by her house to drop them off. I'd stay home and tell her if she wants her kids, to come get them before x time or we'll be out and not available. Make her do the work.

That sounds very tricky. The problem is everyone around her having enabled that behaviour for so long I imagine.

I was in a similar situation although not quite as involved as you. Everything was dictated by the exW and boyfriend never went against anything she said, even if she changed plans at the last minute. I have my own children so would arrange childcare, make plans and then have everything change because she changed her mind about something. But the problem was him. Their relationship wasn’t healthy and their post-split relationship was no better.

I ended it a while ago but have stayed friends with him. The same thing is happening all the time still but I’m one step
removed and am so much happier.

I hope you manage to figure something out.