Petty Polly

[GlassCaseOfEmotions]

At the end of my tether with my DP's ExW!

Consistently, she messes around with pick up/ drop off times and pretty much just does whatever suits her! Won't unlock or answer the door/ phone when DSS's are dropped off on time to her, which has often meant we have to drive them back to our home and rearrange our day. I'm lucky my employer is very flexible, but there have been times I need to be at a meeting over 3 hours away and then can't attend.

Anyway, I've had enough of it. I've had enough of everyone dancing to her tune. I've had to rearrange my plans (work/ family commitments/ activities/ time with DP) to suit her on too many occasions, and there is never a consequence for her except DP giving her a bollocking.

DP and I have always made sure we are on time or slightly early (not a phonecall when we are outside her house a hour early with no prior communication. But 10/15 minutes early and let her/ DSS know there's no rush).

So, next handover day is me doing pick up. Petty Polly in me is going to turn up whenever I feel like it. It won't change anything, she will still do what she likes, but it'll at least make me feel better that she's been negatively impacted for once.

I hate running, and I am happy. I'll be even happier to see her head pop off when she's several hours late for work!

Have you never been annoyed and ranted about anything/ anyone?

@GlassCaseOfEmotions that doesn't really make sense.

It reads to me like by your or DH dropping the kids off to her "while he works" that she is almost being used as childcare for her own children while her exDH works? That's not right and his work is his issue now, they aren't together.

It should just be set days and each of them sorts out their own schedule to care for their children on their own days. My ex and I do 50/50 and it is one week on one week off. We each sort out our own work on our own week and there is less messiness with constant drop offs/collection/change overs.

It sounds like there is a lot of cross over, from this dropping off and then collecting so she watches them while he works?

Is she really selfish or does she maybe feel it's all to revolve around what suits exH work? Just a thought.

How is he pathetic? Can't/won't manage the twattish behaviour of his ex wife. Leaves second wife to do his dirty work rather than looking after his own kids.

The mindset of missing my point about being single is actually interesting. For some people, being single just doesn't occur to them as an option. Not even considered it. Will put up with any old shit being in a relationship causes, just to be in a relationship.

Yes, but if she refuses and someone has to be inconvenienced it should be the child's other parent, not you.

It's kind of you to help facilitate contact by doing drop off but their mum has decided to make a weird power play of not opening the door. You can only take your power back by stopping doing her the favour of ferrying her kids around.

Wrong. In my eyes, we owe each other some common decency.

I CHOOSE to care for DSS's. He doesn't allow me to do anything. He changes his shifts where he can, he is happy to use after school clubs until he finishes work, he has gone in to work late previously because whatever I have on is very important to attend.

I'd happily post about this the other 6 days of the week too.

Have you never been annoyed and ranted about anything/ anyone?

This is the fascinating thing. Never once, not once, in the 5 years I've been divorced. Not. Once.
I think that's kind of my point!

I'd hope you wouldn't be as much of a shitty mother as she is. Then again, I hoped that for her too...

Thank you!!!

The King could be dropping the kids off, she is still just a selfish and pathetic woman and wouldn't care she inconvenienced anyone else!!

So basically everyone thinks the husband should either be fired from his job or quit his job all because his ex won't answer the door to let her children in.
Because if it's all "he should be doing the arrangements and he should be looking after his children" then that's obviously the only solution 😂

and I am happy

I'm very glad to hear that op. You don't sound it, so hopefully this is just a one off.

No one is saying that and we don't know that. No one expects any parent to quit their job.

Reading between the lines I think OP and her partner think exW is selfish for not facilitating his working schedule.

Sorry, to clarify:

Days are set on a 2 week rotation. We sort our days out, but she expects us to sort her days out too. Especially as she knows I mostly WFH. She expects me to look after DSS's while I WFH, so that she can go in to work. Like I said, I'm referring more to school holidays/ inset days rather than term time.

She does not ever look after DSS's when it is our day and DP is at work. They are either at hobbies, after school club or with me until DP finishes work.

Eh? If DSS is with you more than 50% then your DP should have resident parent status, not his ex. Go back to court to get that sorted. Who cares if it's what she wants or not. She maybe just doesn't want to lose child elements of UC and a bigger housing costs allowance if she isn't RP., If she's claiming UC that is. Then it'll be on her to pick up/drop off and if she's early/late, you can just go wherever you need to go and not be there waiting for her.

It's a woman causing the problem not a man

@OneLemonPanda yes he probably would have had to change his job.
Which isn't exactly the easiest thing to do.
So he might have had to end up on benefits (boo hiss on Mumsnet) all because his ex won't open her door.