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Am I horrible..

65 replies

Jaysmum2009 · 15/11/2024 21:58

Me and my partner have been together 4 years and we don’t live together. We go weeks without seeing eachother sometimes as I work full time and he doesn’t. He has 4 kids and seeys them every other weekend. I’m not to sure about the relationship with the children’s mum because he doesn’t talk about her often. Last year I was pregnant and he talked me into having an abortion as he claimed ‘it would upset his children’ so I did! I aborted my baby because it would upset his children! Also I was unsure about having a child with an absolute waste of space who has never had a job. We didn’t see eachother for 9 weeks as I refused to drive and see him, it was a test to see if he would get a bus which is 45 minutes to see me as he claimed he missed me, nope, 9 weeks went past. I feel like I have been tricked! He told me to collect him in my days off as he had a special surprise planned, so I did.. only to learn there was no suprise. He asked me to take him to smiths toys to do Christmas shopping for his kids and me being a mug I did! When we got there I felt such a overwhelming feeling of sadness, as we was walking past the prams and the baby items it hit me that I should be shopping for our baby’s Christmas presents yet we are filling up the trolly for his 4 kids. Nothing thrown in there for my daughter (I have a teenage daughter who’s dad died when she was 3) no mention of my daughter. It was all about his kids, then he gets the phone out and calls the ‘baby mum to ask her a question’ this left a bitter taste in my mouth. I walked off and dyed a few tears with the sleeve of my jumper. I went silent.. stone cold silent, he kept asking in a sarcastic tone ‘what’s your problem’ I replyed ‘nothing’. We haven’t spoken since and heys sat downstairs in my house. I thought he finnaly might have realised that he isn’t doing enough to sustain the relationship and finally he has seen sence and he finally saw my worth and wanted to treat me.. nope no treats.. just shopping for his kids. This happened last year too when he promised me a handbag but it was a ploy to take him to Ralph Lauren to but a tracksuit for his son! Again walked away feeling like a taxi driver. I am battling feelings of resentment, resentment towards them all.. he talked me into aborting our baby but yet drags me out to but his kids gifts and expects me to be okay with this. Please can anyone tell me if I’m being evil? I have so much pent up emotions.

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 15/11/2024 22:00

Please stop seeing him, at the very least stop spending a penny on him.
He's completely using you. He's vile.

DustyLee123 · 15/11/2024 22:01

Why are you still with him?

Luddite26 · 15/11/2024 22:04

For fucks sake what are you doing. You know he's awful. You are not. Do not waste another nano second, another brain cell another penny on this taker.
You deserve better.
Please say you know you deserve better.x

PrimalOwl10 · 15/11/2024 22:05

How does he afford it all without a job or is he expecting you to pay? He doesn't sound like a keeper op.

Scutterbug · 15/11/2024 22:06

Oh ffs, get rid. He’s not bringing anything positive into your life!

shittestusernameever · 15/11/2024 22:07

I'd have left him in smyths.

I'm sorry but he is using you. Walk away now Flowers

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 15/11/2024 22:07

He's a twat. You are/would be better off without him.

Jaysmum2009 · 15/11/2024 22:12

He is on the highest rate of disability due to having ADHD.. he gets more money a month than me and I work full time

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 15/11/2024 22:13

When he said whats wrong, maybe you could have said that you felt he was deceptive and only called you to be a taxi driver and you expect a little more care and respect from a partner. And then suggest he gets an uber home while walking off yourself.

If you dont tell someone how you feel, they cant read your mind (and the users will walk all over you)

u3ername · 15/11/2024 22:13

He's evil.
You're wonderful.
Tell him to go and then block him and never see him again. You don't deserve the pain he's causing you.

Jaysmum2009 · 15/11/2024 22:14

I’m on the waiting list for counselling as I belive this will help me process my emotions. My friend said the day I finally leave him is the day we will have a huge celebration

OP posts:
Jaysmum2009 · 15/11/2024 22:15

Your so right but in the past when I have tryed to express my emotions it leads to a huge row and then he will go silent for days and days, so I learned to keep my mouth shut just to avoid the blow up

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 15/11/2024 22:17

He’s an absolute loser. Staying with him is an act of sheer self harm. Why are you doing it? You don’t even need to physically leave him, just block his number and don’t see him again. If I knew you I’d shake you, I feel for your friend.

Dillydollydingdong · 15/11/2024 22:20

He's an absolute waste of space. Don't waste any more of your precious life on him.

StormingNorman · 15/11/2024 22:20

You’re so lovely and he is a piece of shit. He has told you in so many ways that he doesn’t care about you. Please listen to him. He’s not even pretending to care about you.

You are worth so much more than this, and so is your daughter who is seeing all this play out.

Cece92 · 15/11/2024 22:21

Honestly for yourself leave him. He doesn't deserve you at all. You seem like a lovely woman despite what he's put you through taking him shopping for HIS children. It shows you care about children. You'll be so much happier. It will be hard after 4 years but you deserve so much better xxxx

Jaysmum2009 · 15/11/2024 22:21

You are so right, sometimes you just need that person to shake some sence into you. I guess I was holding on to hope, but it’s always lead to the same thing.. disappointment

OP posts:
RosieLeaf · 15/11/2024 22:23

He is a massive waste of space. You can do better, but even being alone is better than with this.

Head up, move on.

SirChenjins · 15/11/2024 22:26

You don’t need to express your emotions - there is nothing to say. What you do is very quietly block him and cut this poison out of your life. You’ll feel a bit strange at first as your body and mind adjust to the lack of stress but you’ll get there. You know you deserve better. Try and imagine this was a man treating your daughter or friend in this way - what would you say to them? He’s an awful, horrible person.

Noseybookworm · 15/11/2024 22:28

Why are you wasting your time with this loser? He's treating you appallingly and you are allowing it. You deserve much better OP. Do yourself a favour and dump him!

ObsidianTree · 15/11/2024 22:30

To answer your post title, no you aren't horrible. I don't know why you came to that thought.

He's horrible for treating you like a taxi service and basically using you.

Op, I hope this is a wake up call for you as you really can do better. A jobless father with 4 kids isn't a catch and no you really dont want to end up having a kid with him. You know this already so really now you need to close the door on this relationship once and for all.

Softpersimmon · 15/11/2024 22:34

Are you actually together? Does he think you are? You’ve not seen him for almost 3 months and he only wanted you to drive him to a shop.

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 15/11/2024 22:35

What an absolute waster he is. Get rid OP, you can do much better. You'd be doing better by being on your own!

EauNeu · 15/11/2024 22:37

if you're waiting for him to see he's wrong and understand things from your point of view, that's never going to happen. make peace with that and move on.
you're hanging on for crumbs.

Ohnobackagain · 15/11/2024 22:40

@Jaysmum2009 take him home
and then block. This is no kind of relationship. Honestly, you are worth so much more

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