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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Should I get my new bfs son a birthday present?

52 replies

Terpsichore24 · 29/09/2024 00:31

I’ve been dating my current bf for a couple of months and we’ve already said I love you.

His son’s birthday is coming up and I wondered if it would be too much if I bought him a small gift (leaning towards a book)?..

My bf has told me that other women have resented his son/ the fact he has a son and I just wanted to do something to show that I’m excited to one day meet his son?

I of course won’t sign the gift or ask him to tell him the gifts from me!

I thought it would be sweet if I did end up marrying my bf and being his son stepmom that we could one day in years to come look back and I I’d say oh I bought you this book for your 5th birthday? Like I do with my sibling that’s his age..

Anyways I’m new to this and I just wanted advice from stepmoms or just older women who have experience with dating someone with children.

:)

OP posts:
Original poster
Terpsichore24 · 29/09/2024 01:16

RomainingToBeSeen · 29/09/2024 01:06

This.

It's been what, maybe 8 or 10 weeks? Far too soon to be part of this child's life.

And I don't understand the 'pregnant for' comment.

Show quote history

i agree it’s too soon for me to meet his son and don’t think we should discuss this year at all.

I’m pregnant with my first child for my boyfriend:))

OP posts:
EG94 · 29/09/2024 01:19

People are rude and blunt because frankly we can all see through it because we’re not being lovebombed and manipulated and it’s very frustrating to watch someone who is so blatantly out of their depth ignore all the advice they get given and does what they want anyway so kindly don’t ask. You’ve been told more than hundreds of time take it slowly, leave the child out of it, be careful this sounds really concerning. You ignore it all now ask if you should buy the kid a birthday present 🤦🏼‍♀️ it’s boring quite frankly. If you want to nosedive into go for it, just dont come asking for advice you’ve already had and don’t come back when it all ends in tears because you won’t be able to cope with the I told you so’s. Hopefully now you understand why people have lost their patience with you.

megan9 · 29/09/2024 01:24

Terpsichore24 · 29/09/2024 00:31

I’ve been dating my current bf for a couple of months and we’ve already said I love you.

His son’s birthday is coming up and I wondered if it would be too much if I bought him a small gift (leaning towards a book)?..

My bf has told me that other women have resented his son/ the fact he has a son and I just wanted to do something to show that I’m excited to one day meet his son?

I of course won’t sign the gift or ask him to tell him the gifts from me!

I thought it would be sweet if I did end up marrying my bf and being his son stepmom that we could one day in years to come look back and I I’d say oh I bought you this book for your 5th birthday? Like I do with my sibling that’s his age..

Anyways I’m new to this and I just wanted advice from stepmoms or just older women who have experience with dating someone with children.

:)

Don't know why people are being so horrible to someone who is asking advice on a SUPPORT page. A lot of people haven't been in a relationship with someone with kids or just unsure how to navigate it and that's okay! I think you're being thoughtful

I do think it's probably too soon, but I think it's a sweet idea and shows you remember what he's said. I would wait until you've met the child but send a message on the day 'hope X has a lovely day'.
I have 2 children myself and wouldn't expect more than that at that point.
It's okay to be unsure x

Silvertulips · 29/09/2024 01:25

People are rude and blunt because frankly we can all see through it because we’re not being lovebombed and manipulated and it’s very frustrating to watch someone who is so blatantly out of their depth ignore all the advice they get given and does what they want anyway

He has you trapped. You’ll be a single mom in the next year - I hope you have a plan to support a child on your own.

DO NOT live with this man, you’ll be supporting him and his child doing everything for them both and nothing to show for it:

Hell keep you dangling for a wedding whilst you either have more kids or are on the bones of your arse.

Nastyaa · 29/09/2024 01:31

My bf has told me that other women have resented his son/ the fact he has a son and I just wanted to do something to show that I’m excited to one day meet his son?

Here. This is the problem. You don't need to prove to him that you don't resent the fact he has a child. He shouldn't have said this to you, as all it's done is add pressure. You've not had the opportunity to meet his son yet, so you are under no obligation to decide whether you like the child or not. The gift is more to show your partner you accept he already has a child - you don't need to show or prove anything just because he's told you precious woman have resented it.

I think it was a shitty thing of him to put on you.

Also ignore harsh comments, Mumsnet is a shark tank & people love to pile on a thread with nasty words.

Nastyaa · 29/09/2024 01:33

Previous women not precious! **

Sj07 · 29/09/2024 01:38

There's nothing wrong with picking up a small gift. Don't go mad and spend a ton. Like you said a book or something similar. You're right not to sign the tag, just hand it to his dad and say I know the little fellas birthday is coming up, I picked this up, hope he likes it. Job done.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 29/09/2024 01:42

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 29/09/2024 00:51

Way too soon to be saying you love each other. It's lust.

Don't push to meet the son.

Relax. Jeez

I mean she's already pregnant so saying it's too soon for love you is kinda mute now.

Silvertulips · 29/09/2024 01:46

I think it was a shitty thing of him to put on you

Nope it was planned, the start of the manipulation, she’ll say she doesn’t resent him, then when she’s doing the school run, parties, play dates, buying Christmas gifts ‘to make it special’ she’ll resent parenting a child who’s parents don’t.

NahNotHavingIt · 29/09/2024 11:01

I’m usually on the phone during pickups and we say hello “hello-my name”

Why are you usually on the phone during pickups? That's supposed to be his time with his son, not his girlfriend.

You're being heavily groomed here to be this child's stand-in mother so he can ditch his responsibilities.

And if you really are pregnant, he's doing a cracking job.

RichTea90 · 29/09/2024 13:17

Too soon. Only buy gifts once you’ve met and established a relationship with the son. I don’t think you should be meeting kids for at least 9-12 months imo. Depends on their age of course, but the younger, the longer I reckon….

RichTea90 · 29/09/2024 13:18

Sorry, I didn’t realise you were pregnant. When do you plan to meet his son?

EmmaEmEmz · 29/09/2024 13:34

I think you're being jumped on a bit here for asking advice.

Personally, I think it too soon. I separated from my husband a while back and I'm a couple of months into a new relationship. We both have kids but at this point we absolutely wouldn't be buying for the kids, whether directly or indirectly. It's a bit too early (although not too early to be in love, sometimes you do just know!).

However, you have the added complication of being pregnant with this child's half sibling. I'm not going to judge you on being pregnant this early on, because it happens...but you need a plan moving forward on how you're going to introduce this to his son.

Stepusername · 29/09/2024 21:57

Congratulations on your pregnancy - when is your baby due? Are you planning to move in with your partner before the birth, or will you stay living separately for a while?
I think if you are already pregnant then timeline around meeting your boyfriend's son really needs to speed up. It would be worse to have an "here's my new girlfriend and your sibling will arrive next month" conversation than your boyfriend's son meeting you a bit earlier and him being confused if you two split.
One big reason to not introduce too early is to not have too much change all at once or unnecessary upheaval. Would your partner consider introducing you pretty soon? And would you consider keeping your pregnancy private until later on?
With these circumstances I think that a book as a present is fine.

Luxer · 29/09/2024 22:07

I’m usually on the phone during pickups

Why? Can he not collect his child without being on the phone? That’s very rude tbh.

I’ve read your other threads and to be perfectly honest if I was this child’s mother I’d be deeply concerned if a new partner was this interested in my child.

Luxer · 29/09/2024 22:09

I think if you are already pregnant then timeline around meeting your boyfriend's son really needs to speed up.

Good grief. Nothing needs to ‘speed up’. If anything this child needs protected, have you read the OP’s other threads?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 29/09/2024 22:15

Reminds me of Judge Judy's second book: "beauty fades, dumb is forever".

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/09/2024 02:28

You've only been dating a couple of months and you're 'pregnant for' already?

Was it a mistake to get pregnant by a virtual stranger?

MissSkegness1951 · 30/09/2024 02:36

'I’ve been dating my current bf for a couple of months and we’ve already said I love you.'

That's not love.

MWFan · 30/09/2024 03:17

No, you have never met him so if would be inappropriate.

He has a child, you're being OTT about the child you have never met and you are pregnant to him after only being with him 5 minutes? I mean, what could possibly go wrong. Poor kids with such irresponsible, immature adults in their life.

SandyY2K · 30/09/2024 09:48

A couple of months dating and you're pregnant 🤰?

His son will have a sibling and he's not even met you!
This is just way too much, too quick.

urbanbuddha · 30/09/2024 09:53

How would it work? You give the present to his dad, he gives it to his son and says, what? “Here’s a present from someone you don’t know.”

MiddleAgedDread · 30/09/2024 10:50

oh wow, i hesitated about buying my BF's daughter a small present when it was her birthday because I didn't know if it was too much too soon (we've been together about 6 months) BUT we're at the stage where I stay over at his when she's there and we were all going out for dinner for her birthday!! Pregnant after a couple of months and his son doesn't know you're daddy's girlfriend is seriously screwed up whether you buy him a gift or not!

Buyingahouse2024 · 30/09/2024 11:08

I usually feel posts on the step parenting part can be very harsh. However, the pregnancy timing is awful, his poor son hasn't even met you and you're carrying his sibling. This kid is going to be so confused. You're 24 you had so much time to get to know the child before attempting to get pregnant!

TotallyFloored · 30/09/2024 12:39

There is so much to navigate here with the choices you have already made that I'd say a book is the least of your worries. I do wish you the best, but I am afraid that I will echo the above posters and say I do not see this ending well at all.