Unblending

[Notanotherchange]

Am very stressed at the moment and need some kind advice! My partner and I have been together almost 3 years and had a surprise baby. We have maintained separate house for ages but he and SS have moved in with me and my BD and our LO. I’ve got PPD but have gone back to work and trying to get back to me.

it’s not been long but it’s not working! The older kids bicker non stop, which is normal but there’s never any peace. My Daughter is 8 and has additional needs ( autism and adhd) which my partner struggles with. She has now told me she doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

Partner and I are always fighting, I have suggested living apart but he rejects it as SS won’t see the baby enough. But SS isn’t happy either. He feels left out when I take the baby upstairs when I change etc, and in understand that but I cannot leave with him and need privacy. Partner has argued with me a few times in Front of the kids which I do not like, and said some horrible things. I have mentioned my PPD, and he asked me why didn’t I put I had had depression on my dating profile or told him earlier I had a child with additional needs.

I am tired and feeling stretched so thin. Trying to keep everyone happy. Will this get better or should I insist they move? I feel sorry for all
the kids but I want us all
to have peace.

Move them back out, for everyone's sake.

Tell him to leave, this is no environment for children to live in happily.

BD baby daddy? I'm really confused. Are you living with your ex and new partner?

Either way time for them to move out no one is happy, it won't get better.

Oh god, get rid! He’s just sucking you dry Babes. He’s using his older child to manipulate you as well. I fear you didn’t pick well.

He sounds horrible.

Well - it depends how long you've been living together, the groundwork you both put in with the kids beforehand, how much time you all spent together before they moved in, whether the kids were on board with the plans (in a thought out way and not just a yay - more play dates/sleep over fun kind of way) and if it just teething troubles while you all work out how to live together.

It would have been a major decision to move in together, and it is also a major decision to move them back out. Kids generally don't like change too much so I'd want to be certain that it was the right decision before making it.

However, my children would always come first. If I had (serious) concerns that it was more than teething issues I'd insist they move out.

New babies are hard (combining it with the upheaval of moving in) and a degree of bickering between a couple is pretty normal. But your OP does not make it seem like he's a good guy and it looks like he's looking for ways to blame you for the situation.

I think BD refers to her older daughter

he asked me why didn’t I put I had had depression on my dating profile or told him earlier I had a child with additional needs.

Why didn’t he put that he was an arsehole on his dating profile?

SS?
BD?
LO?
PPD?

help ....! I've no clue what you mean!

Yes BD is bio daughter.

our baby is 15 months and prior they had been coming on Saturdays to sleep over. They did do a day during the week. But that stopped as it was causing more stress for me. As in he would be upstairs with the baby while I was downstairs making breakfast for older kids and dealing with the bickering.

I was really nervous about them moving in, but didn’t want to be an asshole and say no. As I know they want to spend more time with the baby.

Ok sorry

SS step son
BD bio daughter
LO little one
PPD Post Partum Depression

SS is with us 100 percent and my daughter yes

Where's the children's mother? His children, I mean.

OP sidenote - Usually DD is a daughter and DSS is a stepson on here. The (D) bit tells us it’s a person you are talking about rather than random acronym (like PPD) - it’s a convention that Mumsnet tends to follow.

Moving your partner and his son into your house for the arrival of a baby seems to heap stress upon stress. Why did you decide to move in now of all times?

Does he have his own place or is your partner basically sponging off you for accommodation?

She sees him sporadically as has MH issues

Your partner and his child need to move back out again.

Tell him that you want him to be gone by Thursday evening.

Can you tell any family and friends who live close by, particularly male ones, that you asking your partner to move out again?

That way if he doesn't move out you can get help into ensuring he does move out.

You will need to change your locks immediately after he moves so he can't just re-enter.

You then need to come to arrangement separately on how he sees the baby.

His tenancy agreement was coming to an end. So seemed like a good time.

He needs to move out ,your daughter needs her space

Not your problem.

You have a DD with her own issues which are hard to deal with. You need to deal with her issues and he needs to deal with his son's.