Advice on dating a man with a small child?

[Terpsichore24]

Firstly I’ve met an incredible man absolutely falling in love.
He has a 4yr old adorable son and is coparenting quite amazingly with his ex.

They’ve been divorced for years and split the week parenting, she’s remarried recently and I’m completely happy with their dynamic.

I’m 24 and he’s 34, I would like any tips and advice on how I should be navigating our relationship. I’ve never dated a man who’s coparenting such a young child and I’m really keen have my ducks in a row when if comes to step-parenting, navigating our relationship (in terms of when to introduce what kind of boundaries I should be setting etc)

It’s not that I don’t trust him to lead and set the dynamic but rather I want to have my own solid ideas and suggestions of how things should go aswell as a realistic grasp of the obstacles I could face.
please do share any advice tips or stories! x

She isn’t screwing up the child’s life by existing! Typical shitty non step parenting comment from someone who has no experience of this.

Walk away OP this sort of crap is what you have to put up with. If you haven’t met the child how do you know he’s adorable? I can guarantee you won’t feel like that for long.

I hated being a step parent and could not recommend it.

Just a series of unfortunate events after having to sell the house.
he’s doing well but has said he’s not where he wants to be considering her wants more kids soon. But he’s actively putting things into place, I’m not worried about it.

What is your own housing situation like op?
Sorry you've you've told us already.

I think you need more time to think this through - I think it a redflag that a 34 year old divorcee is dating a 24 year old. I know a divorcee - he specifically target younger women. There was a good reason why he divorcee.

That all sounds vague in the extreme.
What sort of things is he “ putting in place” to increase his earnings?
Most people either get a better paying job or work more.
Is losing his job one of these unfortunate events he’s told you about?

The job thing doesn't really make sense op.
I'm worried you're starry eyed and so eager to please him, that you aren't daring to question anything.
I can see how someone could lose savings/disposable income is less after a divorce - but how does their actual salary decrease?

Why does he want more kids ? In fact you said "many more" kids. Looks like he want to trap you & then you do the drudge work.....and look after all his kids.

So many red flags.

More 🚩 than flag day at the Chinese Communist Party.

OP you really, really, need to examine why you seem to be running headlong towards this and why there isn’t a voice in your own head advocating for your best interests.

His company was failing and the stress from the marriage made it hard to manage, the ex was demanding he make a certain amount by a certain time and started to resent when he didn’t hit those goals.

he dissolved the company and decided to get a stable job to just get back on his feet and get his child into his new routine.
now he’s searching for higher paid jobs and is interviewing. I’m really happy with how transparent he’s being.

................................the ex was demanding he make a certain amount by a certain time and started to resent when he didn’t hit those goals

How convenient, to blame his wife for this.

Why is this idiot so keen to have "many more children"?

I hope he's paying sufficient child support.

Maybe that’s why he dissolved the company and took a lower paying job, low paying job less maintenance. Probably not tho he’s a wonderful man

So when you said he’s “putting things in place” to earn more, you meant he’s just looking for a higher paid job, then?
Quite flowery language for something so basic.

What does he do?

What kind of company did he run?
When did he start running his own business?
How long did it last?
What job does he do now?
Does he live with his parents or a family member?
What is your living situation like?
How did you actually meet btw?

Does he live with his parents, OP?

How often does he have his child?

I have told him if he’s lied about the details (which I don’t think he has) then I would immediately leave

Please tell me you haven't moved in with him already.

Oh op 🤗. With everything more you write my shackles are on high alert. Remember anything he tells you is precisely that, something he has told you. It is not necessarily the truth.
So their relationship was so bad from her part that he had to dissolve his company because of the stress, but now they coparent perfectly amicably.

There's a couple of things you might not know as if you haven't been divorced or had kids you wouldn't need to know. They might not be the case of course, but just bear them in mind.

1. Men have been known to go for 50/50 care (offloaded at earliest available opportunity to available women) to avoid paying child maintenance.
2. It is nearly always (officially 75% but anecdotally higher) women who want divorce, not men.
3. Child maintenance is payable dependent on the non-resident parents salary. Men have been known to deliberately reduce their salary to make sure the mother gets as little as possible.

Just please, be careful. There are so many utterly miserable women on the step parenting board who are stuck.

Agree with @WillLiveLife you will be shocked at the treatment you'll get, both online and in real life. I had someone ask me to my face if we'd had an affair! (Because surely only a man-stealing harlot would be a step mum 🙄)

You'll either be overstepping or not caring enough, there's almost no happy medium. And if you are helpful drop the kid off at school a lot of the mums will give you side eye or shuffle away from you, same at their birthday parties as soon as you mention you're actually daddies girlfriend.

I’m 24 and he’s 34, I would like any tips and advice on how I should be navigating our relationship.
My advice is don’t.

He has a history of dating women in their 30’s, I’m an exemption..

Op has an answer to everything.

The questions and comments may seem harsh, but a lot of posters will have children your age, or have gone through similar and are giving good advice that you need to consider.

I think you need to save this thread and re read it in a few weeks.

See if anything resonates.

I presume you mean exception.
How do you know his entire history?
You can only possibly know what he’s chosen to tell you, you’ve only known him a wet week.
And he hasn’t always been in his thirties 🤔

As a stepmum, I was going to reply with some advice about step-parenting but I read through all your posts first and I really really hate to say it OP, because you seem lovely, but I really think that you are being love-bombed. Yes, having discussions about what you want in terms of marriage and kids early on in a relationship can be a good thing to make sure that you are compatible on that front, but 2 months in you dont yet know that the other person is the right person for you to be doing that with. I understand that at 24 you might believe that you can and do know that so early on, but at 34 and having had a child and been divorced he should know that you really don't. The fact that he seems to be telling you that he wants to marry and have kids with you when it's so early on would be worrying me.
I say this as someone who met my EXH at 24, thought I was in love within a few weeks, eventually married before admitting to myself that we actually weren't right for each other, divorced and then met my now DH at 32. He already had children, I'd been through a divorce, feelings were strong from the beginning but we had both been through experiences that had taught us to tread carefully, particularly with children involved, because things don't always work out the way that you think or hope they do. I think it's a huge red flag that your new boyfriend seems overly keen to progress very quickly with you, when his experience and having a child to consider should mean that he takes things much more slowly.

You've done the right thing in coming here to ask for advice.
I wish I had done the same.
In all honesty I would never ever get with someone with kids again. Even if him and his ex are amicable right now, it may not always stay that way.
You are young and would honestly find somebody at the same stage of life as you are.
Blending a family and being with someone who co parents is incredibly hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I honestly would never advise anyone to do it.

But he was married till two years ago.
When did he find time to date several women in their 30s?
Before he met his wife? After he divorced her?
While they were still together?

None of this makes sense, OP.