Should dh come on holiday when dsc holidaying with their mum?

[Stillnosummer]

My dsc are going on an amazing holiday with their mum next summer. My dp has suggested that I take my dc during that time to see some of my family who live overseas. Iv asked if he could come with me but he feel as his dc won’t be there then he doesn’t want to come as might leave them feeling left out.

I can go without him as my dc are fine to travel with as teenagers but I would prefer him there for a number of reasons.

My DC don’t have a dad around so it’s not as if it would happen the other way around so I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is right

I do feel sad that we never get a family holiday together in the same room as with his dsd we need separate rooms as there are 6 of us So can’t fit in 1. Plus our dc are opposite sexes so can never go to an all inclusive hotel type holiday and share a room. The dc are all aged 10-14

Your DH is being ridiculous.

There's another reason for him not wanting to go.

Well the fact that he suggested you all go on holiday at the same time and that he doesn't want to go for a nonsense reason, tells you clearly that he wants the house to himself and to be without you all for whatever reason.

How could they feel left out if they’re with their mum on a holiday? 🤣

he also doesn’t want to use his leave from work to come come on holiday with my dc. I do understand that he wants to use it to spend time with his too. he probably would also enjoy having the house to himself for a week. We have my 2 full time and his 50% of the time so it can be rather full on at times.

I don't blame him for not wanting to go on holiday with you and your DC if it means you all crammed into one room! That sounds hideous to me. I also don't blame him for wanting a week at home on his own, if he has to live with your DC 100% of the time - I'd want a bloody week off too!

I think it’s ok actually, imagine if you had his kids all the time. As much as you love them I’m sure having a break would do you good and I expect it’s the same for him

Are you willing to use your leave to take his children on holiday without yours?

If you want to share a room with your husband leave your children behind. They are just as much the reason you need two rooms and his child is.

@cheezncrackers we would need to share a room at my family’s place as they have 2 spare rooms. So my dc would be in 1 and me and dh in another.

@AllosaurusMum I couldn’t take leave to take his away as I don’t have anyone to have mine so not an option.

He doesn't want to go and is making a pretty lame excuse. He either fancies a week home alone, doesn't like your family or has other plans for the week which involve you not being there.

If I were him I think I'd still want a week off from parenting/living with someone else's DC. Most adults value a bit of alone time every now and again - I know I do.

I don't understand - are you pining after a holiday where you get to share a room with your husband and also your teenagers? I can't imagine they'd be too keen on that, never mind him?!

I can see how you'd like him to come away with you. But I can also see how he'd like a proper break, and going away with his step children probably isn't a proper break for him. It sounds like you often go away as a whole blended family - that's probably enough family holiday time for him!

I can sort of see the annual leave point - but it does highlight that he doesn’t see you as a blended family but rather as a couple with separate responsibilities. And that’s fine - as long as he is consistent with that and isn’t expecting you to babysit/run round after his kids.

He doesn't want to go away with your children and not his own, I think most parents would feel the same. Given you have yours 100% of the time, I think it's fair enough him wanting a bit of time without yours.

@CabbagesAndCeilingWax no I’m not expecting him to share a room with my teens, I don’t even want to share a room with my teens.

I do a lot for his dc, school runs, school concerts and plays when neither of the parents can’t make, all home learning in covid, take leave to have his DC and mine.

over the years Iv done loads for his dc without thinking about it. He’s also very good with mine so I’m not moaning about him being a good step dad. Just it would be nice if he could come with me. I think he’s annoyed there isn’t enough room for his dc to come too I think as only 2 spare rooms at my family’s house

"I do feel sad that we never get a family holiday together in the same room " = but you are a family with his DCs as well YOu seem to wat your family to be you two and your DCs and not his - you do not see all of you as a blended family either

I don't think he is doing anything wrong. It's your family ... my husband will do anything to get out of spending prolonged time with my family and vice versa. Let him have a week off to chill.

He has no choice but to miss the holiday they are going on with mum, but maybe maybe he doesn’t want to have experiences within his control, with someone else’s DC and not also his own.

Can you book an air bnb near your relatives house so the whole family can go?

If I was in your DPs position I wouldn't want to go. I'd want to use my leave to spend with my DC and I'd like the break from my SDC.

I'd imagine that is the case but he's giving you a ridiculous excuse.

@takeittakeit i mean that when we go away that him and I can’t share a room. Not that I want to exclude his dc in anyway, it would be the same for any large family. I was just hoping that as his are away for such a long time going on an amazing holiday then it would be nice that the people left behind could go together in this case and visit my family. I can see his side but I have been away with his dc for a weekend without my own in the past. I would obviously have preferred to take mine but used it as an opportunity to bond with his dc

So you can’t all go to your parents so you need to go without his children regardless. Him joining you means using up annual leave for a trip without his kids; I can see why he doesn’t want to do that.
so you have to go without him at some point, the question is whether it’s when his children are away or another time.

The issue here isn’t whether he wants to go or doesn’t want to go. Whether he wants to be away from your kids or not.

the issue is, he isn’t being honest about why he doesn’t want to go because his excuse is absolutely pathetic. Life goes on and if you don’t go away this year and his kid does sure your kids won’t be telling you mum we missed out so bullshit that life stops because steps not involved.

he just needs to be honest

Of course he should, your children are teenagers so surely they can spend some time alone with the GP's while you and your DH go out and have some days/evenings out on your own?

However, I absolutely hate staying in other peoples houses (I like my own bathroom and my own space to do what I want), if we're visiting any family either mine or DP's I always insist on a hotel or a holiday rental. Could this be why your DH doesn't want to go?

I see no problem at all with this. My DH is father to our kids and he happily stays home alone when I visit my own country to see my family. I can catch up with old friends and family and not have to think about him being bored shitless😀

I see no problem with it either and surely it'll be nice for your kids to get quality time with you without their stepdad there for a change?