Too many kids and not enough room

[stressedmum2024]

I lived alone with my 3 kids for many years then met current OH two years ago. He has 5 kids and never once had them over night before we met at his place. He then moved in with me and all we do is argue about his kids and him saying they coming over to stay! There is no room at my house (where he moved in) as teenagers in one room and adult child in another room. His answer is we need a bigger house but i refuse to move as i surely cannot afford too and i am settled, plus would unsettle my kids. Should i tell him to move out and sort himself and his kids out as im sick of having the same arguements but this will be the end of our relationship if i do this.

And yes, tell him to move out. He can house his 5 kids in a bigger place that he buys, then you can date until enough kids are grown up and moved out for there to be space for those left.

or just bin the relationship!

OP... End it now. You'll have nothing but constant disruption to your home due to this mans behaviour and circumstances. I've just come out of a 13 yr relationship that had the same issues. It's been 13 yrs of sheer Hell. End it now, it'll never work.

Yes

Well, this was a scam 😕.

There really is only 1 option here.

He’s not putting his kids first and it seems unlikely he ever has. It’s no one else’s responsibility to accommodate them when he hasn’t bothered.

OP, kick him out. As if this has been going on for two years, madness.

He is using you @stressedmum2024. He must think you're a fool.

I’m a single parent of 3 kids too and wouldn’t make them share with 5 other kids too.

He’s NEVER had his kids overnight but expects you to host them ? Fuck that. He should have had his kids overnight before now, even if it’s in shifts and he’s a lazy cf thinking that he can palm off the responsibility to you.

I would ask him to move out and not care about the consequences. Unless he had quintuplets with his ex, this isn’t a good man really.

I wonder why he didn't have a house big enough for all his kids before you came along? And now he expects you to be able to house them. Huge red flag that he's never had them overnight. It's amazing how expectations change when you meet a live in nanny. 🙄

Absolutely live alone. Then when your kids start to move out you turn one bedroom into a lovely guest room and the other one can be your new massive walk-in wardrobe or hobby room. You definitely shouldn't have to make space for 6 other unrelated people to invade your space. How unappealing.

He should of been in a big enough house to accommodate his children, he sounds a shit father

Out out out!!!

Obviously 10 adults / children in your 3 bedroomed house was never going to work so where did he think everyone was going to sleep, even just for a night or two? Secondly, when he says that you need to buy a larger place, is the idea that you fund this purchase, or does he actually have money to put towards it? If so, how much?

Personally, I wouldn't sell my home in order to house my partner's children, particularly when he hasn't made any attempt to house them himself. To do so would be to give away your children's security. I'm afraid that it does look as though he see's you as his "cash cow."

How old are his kids and how often does he see them?

Do they even want to stay overnight if he has never had them before?

Why did you think it ok that he never had his kids overnight?

Or did it suit you at the time he was a shitty father?

Ah, break up with him. 2 years in you should still be having a lovely time. You can choose not to be with someone who has kids. I would. Not interested in being a step parent or my kids having a step siblings.

Is this real? So he has 5 kids but they never stay with him? So he's not really an active pareht is he?

What are the ages of his 5 kids? Why would his adult child come to stay?

He sounds like a shit dad. Not sure I would want such a person involved in my kids' lives.

Tell him to move out. He has no rights to your home. If you give him a couple of weeks notice that's generous.

Don't move another bloke in until at least 2 of your kids have left home.

He never had them overnight because he would have had to deal with them. He's just made you step mum!! So now he wants to see his kids as there's a woman to entertain/clean up after then.

It would be a no from me. Tell him there's clearly been a misunderstanding and he needs to move out if overnights are now part of the deal.

I don't believe any of this.

Sorry but this. He sounds like a total loser.

Do you own your house? I wouldn't want to move and buy with him. Are/ were you planning on marrying?

Kick him out. Today.

Why can’t he just see them in the daytime if there isn’t room for them to stay over ? Or go away and get accommodation for a weekend etc?

Me and DP have 2 dc both with SEN and need their own rooms and home is their safe space they don’t like others round or they get stressed and have meltdowns. DP has 2 dc they don’t get on with mine. So DP takes his dc out for long days to do fun stuff or he books a hotel and they have weekends away so they still spend time together and our dc needs are also met.