I can't stand my 'step children'. Don't shoot me.

[RenegadeMasterx]

Basically, what the title says.
These children (5 and 8) have been mollycoddled and have never had boundaries or discipline, and when trying to merge with my two children (7 and 9) who have had boundaries and discipline, and have respect and manners, and get told off if they step out of line - is so tough.
I absolutely dread it when they come round.
They have so many characteristics of their mother that it almost feels like she's here when the children are.

It's fucking tough.
I'm new to this - < 1 year - and just don't know if I can stick up with this.
My kids are very independent and his are so incredibly clingy, whingy and needy, it's so frustrating.
They are also like sponges and go home and report everything to their mother - everything - it doesn't matter what it is or what it's about. So I feel so uncomfortable around them now.

Please, tell me it gets easier. 😫😫

Either you should be seeing dad on his own. You don’t need to be developing a relationship with his children this early on. His access time is to spend time with them, how much is he seeing them?
children react to break up/divorce differently, don’t judge them. And you shouldn’t be judging small children regardless.
Do your children see their dad, maybe this is when you should be seeing OH, when you are alone.

Or look for someone without children. I think blended families rarely work for everyone. You aren’t getting on with them, taking a parental role would be disastrous for everyone involved.

I feel sorry for the boyfriend - he seems to attract batshit abusive women. The whole of you are Jeremy Kyle cases.

So you know what your future holds if you stay with your lovely partner.

You're going to willingly allow your children to be involved in all this crap.

OP you're getting a lot of stick on here, some if it seems quite harsh tbh.
I can identify with what you're saying, I just walked away from a relationship because I could not be around his child. I feel sad about it but it was the right thing to do in the long term, I could not see a future where our families 'blended'.
It wouldn't have been fair on any of us.

oh gosh.. youve been in this relationship less than a year? and you are already involving all your children?

this doesn't bode well. your attitude to these children has to change and quick sharp if you want a peaceful life.

no it does not get any easier and i suspect from your opening post, your children are perfect little angels and his are the devil incarnate! I predict that at some point in the very near future you are going to ask him to chose between you and his children, and we all know how that ends.

you already sound as if you also are trying to control your boyfriend. for his sake, throw him back

Two very recent threads.

One says 9 months, the other says 4 weeks 😁

Ops not coming back as it turns out she’s posting rubbish for fun. Don’t waste your time people.

I’ve had indigestion that’s lasted longer than that. Are you very young? That’s barely dating.

😄😄😄

They’re not your step children.

Sometimes the ex isn’t always as crazy as she seems. Maybe she is in your case or maybe he was the abuser and got her to this point.

it seems there are some questions regarding the timeline of your situation, either way, a month, 10 months.. he is a shit dad, it is unlikely to change.

I invested time and effort into someone else’s children and always had shaping them into decent humans in my mind. His dad rarely agreed, again no boundaries, spoilt and weren’t familiar with the word no. I’d battle with my ex for weeks to get him to back me, it’s an endless battle which will not improve. Likely they will derail your children because I guarantee you’ll start to hear “well Bens allowed to do it”

surely an amazing man is someone who is a decent father, as another poster mentioned, have his kids 50/50 if not full time if the mum is as bad as you have been lead to believe and someone who hears what’s important to you and balances it. Doesn’t seem he is doing any of those things so for me, no orgasm is worth the fucking misery which comes with Disney dads and feral kids.

@EG94
'no orgasm is worth the fucking misery which comes with Disney dads and feral kids'
I think this is my favourite sentence I've ever read on here!

You’re welcome 😂😂

My kids are so perfect. His kids are sooooo like their mother. FFS break up with him and do everyone a favour before you ruin those kids life.

Of course they are like their mum, because she's their mum and probably spends more time with them for whatever reason.
Of course he's told you he was in a coercive relationship.

Under a year I'd walk away.
My ex wrote to my daughters as teenagers and said they were too much like me and they weren't welcome in his house ever again. Of course they were like me he turned up two nights a month and if we were lucky one week in summer. Totally abandoned his children for being like their mum.

Don't be that new family.

It’s not that new! Fair enough need to take it slower if kids involved and maybe not introduce them yet, but it’s not exactly super fast! I was married just over a year after meeting and getting together.

Kids are involved though. So yes it’s a very young relationship to start calling his kids her step kids, especially as they don’t even live together.

How did you feel about your step kids?

Don’t have any. Wouldn’t get married at just over a year if step kids were involved, I did say that it was maybe a little quick (the OP) to get so involved, but I don’t think it is super quick.

I think that the op is either already living with this man, or his contact with his children takes place in her house.
What else would she be spending enough time with his children to become irritated by them?

He can’t be that amazing. He’s obviously a crap father of his kids are so badly behaved.

The way you speak about innocent children and apply adult issues or behavioural aspects is disgusting.

Children being clingy away from their mother, their primary care giver you are comparing to your children with their mum? That's a very unfair comparison.

You don't need to end the relationship, just don't see your partner when he's not got his kids.

Are you living together and that's why you can't have time without the children? If so, it's far too soon to be introducing a new partner to your children.

If you can't stand his kids, the relationship isn't worth being in. Find a man with kids who behave like yours or one without kids.

Find someone else and save everyone the headache. Thats you, him and all the kids

It amazes me on these threads how the mother suddenly becomes so awful when the OP is questioned... to the point she has beaten up an old man.

The negative qualities of stepkids are ALWAYS from their mum.

The mum was so abusive.

The man is always a great dad.

Given the screenshot of the OPs post history indicating she had been with this man for a few weeks, or makes me think that we don't always get the truth on here.

You met their dad 10 months ago... and you've already moved all 4 children in together? They should barely even know of your existence at this stage, not to mind have been made to live with you all. And now you've decided you can't stand his two?

Can you see how this is a complete and utter mess of you and their dad's making and so unfair on all of the children involved?

You should be ashamed of yourselves tbh