I can't stand my 'step children'. Don't shoot me.

[RenegadeMasterx]

Basically, what the title says.
These children (5 and 8) have been mollycoddled and have never had boundaries or discipline, and when trying to merge with my two children (7 and 9) who have had boundaries and discipline, and have respect and manners, and get told off if they step out of line - is so tough.
I absolutely dread it when they come round.
They have so many characteristics of their mother that it almost feels like she's here when the children are.

It's fucking tough.
I'm new to this - < 1 year - and just don't know if I can stick up with this.
My kids are very independent and his are so incredibly clingy, whingy and needy, it's so frustrating.
They are also like sponges and go home and report everything to their mother - everything - it doesn't matter what it is or what it's about. So I feel so uncomfortable around them now.

Please, tell me it gets easier. 😫😫

It's going to be difficult with so much prejudice from the off. For everyone's sanity you should leave hosting and parenting to their father and just concentrate on your own DCs.

Their mother is a vile woman for what she has put their father through so I will cast as much judgement as I want

oh god one of those, believe all the crazy ex wife bullshit.

Either way, you sound insanely horrible and not sure he’s upgraded 🥴 You’ll destroy those poor children if you hang around hating on them because of who gave birth to them.

Didn't you meet him 4 weeks ago?

I have first hand witnessed her and her new partner beat up my partners elderly father
I think I know what I'm dealing with, thank you.

@flowertime I've met their dad 10 months ago.

If their mother is vile, you and your partner should naturally have compassion and patience towards the children, no?

Your previous post says otherwise....

Rule 1: don’t get into a serious relationship with someone if you can’t stand their children. Not fair for either side.

Your children deserve more than this awful mess. I'd never do this to my DS. I stayed single until he left home.

So who is this guy @RenegadeMasterx ?

Ooops!

OP, you sound incredibly young and very immature.
Your partner really is not dad of the year to be imposing his girlfriend and her children on his own kids. This is the biggest red flag I ever saw.

Your clear dislike of their mum is being transferred onto them and they will know that and will act out accordingly.

It's alot to take on if you expect ready made kids who will adore you and follow the same rules as your own kids. It's going to be difficult.

Can you somehow separate seeing him when he has his kids. Can't he just parent them separately on his own when with them. I'm sure that is what they actual want.

This blended family stuff absolutely kills me. No one ever stops to think how this is for the poor kids.

It is not clear if your partner lives with you and your kids.
if not that easy don’t make the kids mix as you don’t like them and their father is not able to shape new behaviour with them.
If he lives with you I’d say you need to make a choice between your children’s well being and happiness and you having a live out boyfriend.
doenst sound like you can have both.
I wonder what you partner things of his girlfriend hating his kids?

Do women still fall for the 'crazy, nasty ex' stories?

I thought most women were more wise nowadays?

So don't have the children at your home. Why can't your partner see them elsewhere? Have you been cast as the unpaid nanny?

You're full of shit today.

Just move on and get a new DP

I'm confused. How often are then children with you? If the mother is so awful then the dad should be pushing for minimum 50/50 and there's no reason (apparently) why he wouldn't get that. If it's already 50/50 then he needs to parent his children and he is equally responsible for their behaviour. In either case your demonisation of the mother and adoration of the father doesn't seem very rational. He's failing as a parent in both regards.

Are you arguing that the relationship damaged him to the point where is isn't responsible for any of the above? It sounds like you are letting him off an awful lot.

I mean, if the mother is so awful and abusive can't you extend some sympathy to the kids being in the environment and very likely victims too? Obviously isn't their behaviour going to be mixed up and unpleasant if that's their home? They are so young and you're projecting a lot of anger towards them because of their mom.

“It would be such a shame to have to end our relationship because of his kids.
I just don't see much of a way around it”

There is no way around it. What’s he supposed to do, go NC with his own children for a new girlfriend?

You need to break up.

Blended families aren’t for everyone.

Either accept that this will be your life or end the relationship. There is no magic wand and at this point habits are ingrained, personalities are set and there is little to nothing you can do to change any of it.

Oh dear! 🤣🤣

Busted! 🤣

This is just going to get worse.

BTW how long have you been seeing him? Your previous thread suggests it's only been four weeks.

My DHs ex is a vile woman who was abusive towards him for 12 years. He still manages to parent his kids properly, has boundaries with them and disciplines when needed.

Your boyfriend is the issue here not the kids. Kids will behave as they are raised. Their mother is not the only one raising them, he is responsible for their behaviour as well. I can see how it's easy to blame the mother because you don't want to admit you boyfriend isn't a good parent. You can't control what the ex does and nothing will change unless your boyfriend steps up and starts parenting properly. How often does he have the kids?