DP's ExW Silent Treatment

[FatfunandADHD]

I guess this is probably just a moan really and there is nothing we can do but DP's ExW is driving us mad.

Tiny bit of background, DP wanted 50/50 childcare and there is no real reason he can't have it, if we had pursued in court we believe we could have had a good chance of achieving this but he was blackmailed to accept what he has which is about 40/60 split.

She insists on doing the childcare plan school year by school year, but clearly this means not knowing who is going to have the children in October half term. DP sent a proposal out 2 months ago on email to her. Still no response, when he has asked she has said she is having 'e-mail problems'. These don't seem to occur when she emails asking for money!

It is DSS birthday coming up and it falls on her day, we have asked to see him for an hour to give him his gifts etc and that has been ignored.

Elder DSS has SEN and DP has messaged to ask about what words he needs to be working on at the moment and again no response.

I don't think any of these reasons for reaching out are unnecessary, and trust me this is just the latest group of unresponded to communication. She regularly r messages DP to say things like, DSS wants X from your house can you bring it round, so its not that they are permanently NC.

DP said last night she treats us like a credit card statement, just thrown in the pile and ignored when we feel all we are trying to do is be good co-parents to the children.

Any advice appreciated.

but he was blackmailed to accept what he has which is about 40/60 split.

i wonder what the blackmail involved that resulted in him agreeing to have less time with his children? 🤨

Elder DSS has SEN and DP has messaged to ask about what words he needs to be working on at the moment and again no response.

So DP isn’t on school communication?

Sorry it was just a 'we have lots of money and will hire the best solicitors in the world and leave you with nothing but legal bills and debt' unless you accept the offer. Blackmail may not be the correct term, more just threatened by exW and ExMIL

well plainly hot air unless there was actually a reason why 50/50 wouldn’t be in best interests of children

Not a chance a thread like that would have stopped me. And i am guessing it wouldn’t have stopped you either when you come to think about it?

how long have you been with your DP?

DP is but because the SEN were not discovered by school, but by DP and I, he is very far behind and so we have had to go backwards with his reading, writing and spellings and the school support this but its things like what spellings he is working on this week, and because it was handover day we were just trying to create a seamless transition for the boys rather than starting a fresh.

Just take her to court. Fight for 50:50 and a structured parenting plan including birthdays, Xmas, holidays including taking them abroad etc. We alternate birthdays and Xmas each year so the kids get to see both parents, switchover time is 2pm. If he has evidence of the blackmail I'd show the court that as that will go against her.

Unless he goes to court he will be under her control for years. You can't live like that. She is not your boss.

We do not speak to DHs ex at all unless absolutely necessary. Anything school related we dealt with the school directly.

Your DP needs to take ownership of this then.

Rather than messaging his ex for the spellings, contact the school and ask to be provided with them on a weekly basis so he can support him

how old are the children?

Just take her to court. Fight for 50:50 and a structured parenting plan including birthdays, Xmas, holidays including taking them abroad etc.

this 🤷

I am pleased that you feel strong enough that a threat like that would not have stopped you but DP has no family, no parents, siblings etc. When faced with a family with millions of pounds and after years of a bad marriage effecting his mental health he decided that he couldn't afford court as we were being quoted £15k by his solicitor who admitted that his ExW was one of the most unreasonable people she had dealt with.

The school don't set the spellings. Sorry if I have not made this clear. He is behind massively and so whilst the school provide spellings to all other children he is being asked to work through spellings from 4 / 5 years ago.

This. My DSD usually just tells me what sounds they've been working on herself but if she wasn't able to do that I could easily just ask her teacher at pickup.

You need to cut the ex out as much as possible. It's quite clear she has no intention of working with you.

Child issues are usually heard in the magistrates court, no judge, no need for barristers - in fact entirely inappropriate. Just make your own application and go to court and have it all agreed formally. Courts favour fathers who want more contact unless there is very serious abuse, so he will likely get everything he wants.

Thank you. I think we might discuss this, as you're right, its a shame as me and my DS's dad message every few days about how he is, what he's up to etc.

who is he “being asked by”?

exactly
he seems to have done no research whatsoever

It only costs that if he uses a solicitor. Of he self represents it's only £232 for the legal fees. She can have the best lawyers in the world but unless there's good reason for him not having 50:50 there shouldn't be a problem. If she suddenly starts making false allegations you have proof of her previous threats that will paint a clear picture for the judge.

how old are the children?

im going to take a punt that you haven’t been him with for more than a couple of years at most

Thank you, there is no abuse, and no reason he should not see the children 50/50, it is what the children want too. In mediation she said that she did more homework with them etc and as he is military he COULD be sent away. Those were her reasons, but equally I think she needed the CMS payments but will not admit that as we agreed to pay her an amount and still have 50/50.

He can self rep. I've done it myself. You do not have barristers in Magistrates Court and it is them who deal with children's matters. He needs a Cafcass Section 7. 50:50 is encouraged and he is likely to get it. I presume she is against 50:50 because she wants maintenance (which is not due under that arrangement). I would seek a court order asap and then minimise contact. She's not going to co-parent, she has made that abundantly clear.

Do you and your boyfriend live together?

There is absolutely no reason for your boyfriend not to go to court and represent himself. No court in the land will reduce his access and will more than likely raise it to 50/50. Your boyfriend is making money a very poor excuse for not doing this.

7 and 10

Why is this relevant out of interest?

so now you’re saying you do have 50/50? 😕