Husband being dramatic over holiday

[Pluddy67]

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

This.

So you'd begrudgingly buy him a gift and not give it to him because he wasn't there when you got home?
Would you do that to your own child?

She's getting a pile on because what she did is wrong. She came back to pretty much every one saying the same thing, but instead of reflecting and seeing where she went wrong, dug her heels in.

No one is asking her to have a close bond, some parents never bond with their own biological kids.

We're talking about being emotionally intelligent, caring, being kind and including the Dss.

Kids that age also wouldn't run to the phone for their own parent over playing video games.

When I've babysat and mum calls and asks to speak to the kods, most boys aren't interested.

What's the point of even posting if you're not willing or wanting to listen to anyone else's point of view?

It will be enough when the page is full, mumsnet pulls the thread or OP gets it deleted.
Didn't realise there were thread monitors who decide when it's enough.

What’s the point of posting to rant at someone who left the thread days ago?

Listening to someone else’s point of view doesn’t mean you’re obliged to agree with it, or act upon their instruction.

I would have bought him a little gift and at least ask how he was doing.

I simply stated my opinion. You clearly don't feel obliged to listen to me.
I think OP has gotten her share of how everyone feels and its getting a bit out of hand. But hey, you do you

While I don't think there's anything wrong with you not asking to speak to him, I personally would have got him a little gift at least.

Your attitude towards this child stinks.

It’s the principle behind it all. Can you really not see that. I think it would speak volumes of your husband if he didn’t feel sad about this. He wants you to have a relationship with his son, a closer one and you have shown it’s all about your daughter. I’m a step child and my step father has always treated us all the same. That’s how it should be. You’re not even bothered about trying. Your language and words you have chosen in this post give away a lot. Just a tiny example “…. not BEGGING to speak to him”, calling your husband “dramatic” etc. What a shame you aren’t embracing your bonus child. Not just for you and him but for your daughter.

Poor show on your part you should be ashamed

As others have said it’s not really this specific incident more the ops attitude to this poor child who is obviously pretty unwanted for half the week. Let’s hope that his Mum doesn’t have a partner with the same attitude so he feels like that all of time.
You should think seriously about how you would feel if you split with your partner and he found a new girlfriend who saw your daughter as a nuisance.

You’re lucky - your husband isn’t being petty, he’s demonstrating that he’s a considerate individual who wants to create an integrated family. Speaking as someone who was previously married to a complete arse who dumped his 3 kids once a new partner came on the scene, that’s a decent thing he’s trying to do.

The reality is you are used to not seeing him for days on end, that's your relationship.

I haven't read the whole thread, just wondering if your husband contacts your son during the three days he is at his mum's or expects you to? As that's more comparable.

As long as there's no back story that you and your ss don't get on, it really doesn't sound like you did anything wrong as your ss doesn't sound like he was upset or even noticed. As you said, if your husband was so bothered he should have said at the time. Do you think it's more of a case that he was annoyed that he had to look after both his children for a couple of days and was finding a stick to beat you with?

I’ve got to come on to say something as I’m just so shocked at the lack of self awareness here. He’s only 11 FFS not 18. You’ll realise when your daughter hits that age, a small gift would have been treating them equally. Your husband is definitely not being dramatic. If your DSS was around when you called you should have said a quick hi to him too!

I can see why he’s upset, you’re treating your SS like he isn’t part of your family.

I think this heartless to of left DSS out. He is part of your family, you’re with his father, that counts as you all being as one. DSS must of felt so left out, and to not even ask if he’s ok speaks volumes . You’ve clearly shown no interest in the poor boy. I think your DH is right to react to this. That must be hurtful for him too, to see his child pushed out. No child deserves that.

YABVU
He’s part of your family whether you like it or not so he should be treated in the exact same way as your daughter.
If my husband treated OUR children differently (3, 2 are his SC) I’d be really upset.
My ex has even bought gifts for mine and DH’s son in the past so he didn’t feel excluded when he didn’t even have to.
Kids pick up on this, if not now, eventually.
It’s mean and it’s crass, so completely on your DH’s side here.

another one with your DH here, you should have bought him something, it’s a bit mean of you, they are both your DHs children and he won’t appreciate one being treated differently than the other

Also nobody expects you to love and think of your DSS like you do your own DD but I think you should treat them both the same

This thread just gets worse....

DH should treat them both the same, but that's not necessarily the case for OP. She has 1 child and she's entitled to treat her child differently and treat them occasionally and not always have to do the same for her step child. DSC have 2 parents, just like OP's child...

Fun fact for all the SM bashers on this thread, but growing up I was OP's child in this situation, and it annoyed me that when Mum took me shopping, she always felt she needed to get my step sister a gift too...like, why couldn't I just be spoilt by my own mum occasionally???

The OP's child is just as important in this situation, but this is mumsnet and the kids from 'the first family' seem to sit on some kind of hierarchy...

Meanwhile OP's step son is blissfully unaware anyway of any missing out on a gift considering he wasn't even there when OP returned!

I'm pretty sure if OP's husband took his son out and treated him to a day of 'bonding time' nobody would kick up a fuss that it wasn't fair on their joint child... this board continues to be full of double standards I see.

That doesn't even happen in nuclear families thought, and that's ok!!!

Buying him a small gift would've shown you actually care a jot about him. It seems petty that you didn't buy him something. I'd have agreed with him to buy the tackiest souvenir you could find.

If your DH went away & bought for his DS & not DD would it upset you that he'd missed your DD out? That's how your Husband feels right now. They're both his kids & he's hurt that you couldn't even buy a small token gift for DSS. Considering your DSS lives with you half the week it really sounds like you can't be bothered with him & just see him as a boy that stays over & not your DD Brother. At 11 years old he'll be very aware of how you feel about him so please in future try & give him a little thought as it's hurtful to be the odd one out in his own home.

I’m assuming you do t why him birthday presents or Christmas one , at least equivalent to what you get your daughter ? You don’t consider your step son part of your family and that is 100% wrong . Your husband is calling you up on it , shows he is aware and I doubt it’s the first time he sees it happening . If he is smart he will get rid of you in time but go traumatise his son .