HELP! Brothers wedding and Girlfriends children!

[jenglish]

I have been with my partner for around 3 years now and she has 2 children from a previous relationship. We do not live together and I see them 2-3 nights a week at most. I have a good relationship with them. I also have a child of my own.

My brother has invited GF, Son and I to his wedding in Thailand for 7 days in september. he is renting a villa for my parents and our other 2 siblings and their partners and kids. He is paying for everything including the flights.

So I have told my girlfriend, she wants to go but her ex is a very unreasonable man. most likely he will say no to having their kids for the time. So I said that he has been given enough notice for him to arrange something. As she knows that he will say no, she has come back with "oh you just got with your son". my response was that her kids have a dad and that he should have them. The conversation ended with her saying that "we come as a package" referring that she would like her kids to come if the ex does not have them. My point is that first of all, we are not married. My brother has never seen them/interacted with them. they have not been to any family events bar my sons birthday around a year ago. the total per person for the whole trip is costing around 11k per person. money isnt the issue here, my brother is wealthy and if he wouldnt cover it, I would happily pay, my only issue is if my brother says no to them coming, and my partner then has an issue with that then it would be detrimental to our relationship. I am very close to my my parents and siblings. What do I do?

If gf children's father cannot look after them you go with your son. It’s quite easy really. You cannot expect your brother to pay for them.

Why are you making a mountain out of a molehill?

Just go with your son and then have a holiday with your partner and her children.

It's like you want to create a big fuss!

As she knows that he will say no

And it appears that you do too.

Yet, you pushed her on something you knew she couldn't fix.

What exactly did you expect to happen here?

Your brother has invited your girlfriend, he didnt have to as you dont live together. It's being a cf to expect him to invite 2 children he doesnt know. Girlfriend may not be happy to miss a holiday but cant be helped.

Seems like everyone is happy for you and your son to go alone - except you. So....do that?
You're creating an issue that doesnt exist.

OP has said he'll (?) pay if needed, so it's not about forcing brother to pay, just about whether the DC might be invited.

I think that's worth asking.

Your brother invited your GF out of politeness to an intimate family only event. turns out she can't go due to child care, and SHE is OK with that

If she's annoyed, she is far more likely to be annoyed because YOU are poking the hornets nest. She got an invite, that is not a snub, he obvs wants YOU there as you are his sister. You GF can't go, she can't go. it's life.

You'll be away for a week, dry up and stop making this all about you. Have a wonderful week in Thailand, paid for by your brother and don't think anything more than that

So you thank your brother for the lovely invitation, confirm that you and your DS will be going, Gf can't as she has no childcare, but thanks so much for thinking of her. If he says anything about the kids, you will have to tell him that there is no way they would be allowed by their dad to travel, but again, huge thanks for the invite.

Dh and I are married and share a child. Occasionally she's not invited to family weddings. Whoever's family it is goes, tge other stays home with dd. It's a complete non issue.

If the "blended family" is to work it's going to require acceptance from you both of all the different relationships that interact with yours. Eg. Your brother. At this stage of your relationship- 3 years in, your brother doesn't see these kids as his close enough relatives to invite and that's ok. He has extended the invitation to your partner. If your partner can't or won't go without their child then they don't have to go. That's fine. It needs acceptance that you are and always will be 3 families. 1 big one. You and your kid. Your partner and their kids.

You're making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. So what she's annoyed she's missing out on a holiday. She can take her own child on holiday

How old are the kids? What if you pay for your own villa and also get a babysitter for when you're there

You ever seen that thing on social media about 'Let them'?

Your girlfriend is annoyed at the situation - let her be annoyed. That is her emotion to sit with and deal with. Not yours to fix. If she cannot be grown up about it, then your relationship isn't a good one.

There isn't a scenario to this where everyone is happy. You need to accept that either your girlfriend is unhappy if you go or your brother (and extended family too) will be annoyed if you don't go.

She shouldn't be annoyed with not going. It's just unfortunate that she doesn't have reliable childcare.

You can't force her to come.

This

I know you’d like your GF there but it’s not going to happen sadly - her ex isn’t going to have their children for the week, regardless of whether it would be a nice thing to do or what he should do. She’s already said to go with your son, so that’s what you should do - nothing more to it.

Would you trust a random babysitter in a foreign country?

You sound like you really don’t want your step children there even if it could happen.

she was right, you should go on your own with your child.

If someone trusts a random babysitter in this country what's the difference?

You are putting GF in an awful position. If dad doesn’t want to have them then she can’t go. Unfortunately one of the many unfair things about being a mother. Stop making it hard for her especially if you don’t want the children to come. She can’t force the dad to take care of them because she wants to go on holiday.

You are making drama where there isn't any.

Just go with your son

I wouldn't trust a random babysitter in this country either to be fair.

Sorry but you sound like you’re used to getting your own way. Stop pushing her…. She’s in an impossible situation. She probably already feels shitty that her kids aren’t invited but you continue to push her to force something that’s not going to happen. Leave it be.

Why don’t you use the time to bond with your son and not worry about the Gf.

she can’t anyway and you don’t even live together so it’s not going to be that much of a deal not to see each other for a week. If you go with with the gd you’ll just be minding her children and her instead of spending quality time with you me family