To those SPs on their knees. I quit step parenting a year ago and it’s bliss!

[IQuitStepParentingandILikedIt]

I know my pov is quite rare so I wanted to share about the most peaceful year of my adult life.

DSD and her abusive mother made my life hell continuously in large and small ways. I was ready to leave DH last Christmas due to the unhappiness I felt trapped within.

Instead, I told DSD (17) and her mother that neither were to come into my home again. Ever.

There was the predictable slew of abuse etc but nothing they weren’t returning my decade’s worth of kindness with anyway, so I took it on the chin and blocked them on all platforms.

In this one year, my mental space has opened up so much room for creative pursuits, friendships, lovely outings and holidays with DH and our DD. No drama, no abuse just peace and safety.

I’ve just had the most calm, warm and beautiful Christmas ever and I don’t regret my decision one bit.

As women, we are held to saintly standards and expected to love another man’s children, carry a huge burden of domestic labour and mental load to meet their needs. We’re expected to allow step children to get away with overstepping our own boundaries and often feel like strangers in our own homes. Weekends interfered with, plans changed, no thanks from anyone ever despite the enormous sacrifices.

Best decision I’ve ever made.

Sad it had to be this way but DSD and her mother wouldn’t even meet me half way so I was out. And it’s bliss.

Yes for a blatant misquote. A downright lie.

There is nothing unkind about pointing out he's a deadbeat dad. Plenty of others have said exactly the same throught this thread.

Did you post about your intentions on here O.P?
I'm so glad you are much happier. You definitely did the right thing for sure. Hopefully dsd and her mum have had their eyes opened a little that it's not acceptable to treat people as they did you and that eventually it won't be tolerated.
Wishing you another well deserved happier and calmer year ahead.

She's a kid not allowed in her father's house

That's more than unkind. It's piss poor parenting.

Narrator:
"And they all lived Happily Ever After...

....or did they?"

This strikes me as how its going now, rather than how its actually resolved.

And theres a WHOLE GREAT BIG STINKING PILE of unsolved shit here.

Posted after you.

Absolutely it's a DH problem

Yes. Ignore any posts that are contrary to your entrenched views.

The OP's DH should have put his existing child first.

That's the issued

If DH was such a poor parent with his first child why did you have a child with him?

So she should be a perfect step-child ^in spite* of the piss-poor parenting she's had? (bio-parents)

Maybe if she has a few years of therapy that might be possible

His first child.

Who clearly had problems before he went on to produce another

It's ridiculous to compare with employers. He's her bloody father.

She is a product of his shit parenting.

The DH has accepted appalling behaviour from his DD for years and it was having an unacceptable impact on the OP and her DC.

The OP has made the decision to prioritise her own wellbeing and that of her DC in the only way left open to her, which is to refuse entry to a 17YO abuser.

Had the 17YO experienced better parenting, she may not have been an abuser now and that is the responsibility of the OP's DH and his ex. The OP probably had no power to maintain appropriate boundaries over the last ten years and has watched this car-crash unfold from the sidelines.

@IQuitStepParentingandILikedIt, you have done the right thing. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the not too distant future, your SD turns to you for support and guidance as she becomes aware that her own parents have let her down badly and you are the best person to help her to learn the skills she needs to manage in a world that doesn't allow her to harm and abuse people.

Wonder if you’d feel the same if / when you split up and he no longer sees your child because his new girlfriend doesn’t like her hmmm

I’m still curious about the only living three doors apart thing.

if my dad had moved three doors
down with his new woman when he split from my mum, I know my life would have been made impossible by my mother grieving the loss of her husband but also by me being having the daily reminder of the broken family every time one of them passed the window. This child has to face the abandonment of her family by the dad for a new family every time she leaves the house. These feelings don’t disappear overnight.

Of course the ex wife could have chosen to live three doors down from the husband and his new wife… but that would have formed part of the OPs story about how awful the ex-wife and step daughter are.

It is absolutely ridiculous to compare a parent to an employer and I would feel ridiculous in engaging with someone who held such utterly bizarre views. Enjoy your day.

Agreed. In any random post where an OP says how her 17 bio child is abusing her, refusing to clean up after themselves/get a job/be even slightly respectful or even physically attacking her they're told they need to remove them from their home. Maybe send them to their dads or in extreme cases, call the police on them. It's only stepmothers who have to put up with abuse. They're not allowed to go NC. (You can't go NC with someone who comes into your home)

At 17 she should realise actions have consequences, no one has the right to be awful to another person. I hope I would do the same as you in such a situation.