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Step-parenting

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15 year old step daughter is way beyond abusive

112 replies

Sparkle2023 · 05/11/2023 22:12

long post I have 15 and 17 year old stepdaughters. The elder is wonderful; respectful, kind and gentle. The youngest is without doubt a problem child. I have known her since she was 8 years old. Very spoilt, never corrected, never told no. I said years ago to my husband that she needed boundaries otherwise there will be trouble ahead. Fast forward to now and she has no respect, tells her teachers to fuck off, had 17 detentions and didnt go to 15 of them. Even CAM and an independent counselor have washed their hands of her because she doesnt engage. Her father (my husband) is a naturally agressive man and verbally attacks me and uses his physical size to scare me, his daughter now does the same. Because she openly drinks he buys her bottles of vodka the weekends she is with us and when I try to say it's wrong how much she is drinking he says it's nothing to do with me. His brother dies of alcoholism and he is a very aggressive drunk personality. Tonight we had an horrendous argument with the 15 year old saying 'we all know you're fucking mad' shouting at me, being beyond disrespectful (no words can describe how bad it was) the husband stood next to her and balled me down, whilst she stood there smirking at me.

I feel abused, broken, lonely and then to be told I have no say in my home (I pay 50%)

I've tried reasoning with him, I've tried to explain how i feel, etc. However the bottom line is he is a narcissist and sociopath and he just wont listen or see my side.

What do I do? 😥

OP posts:
almondseagull · 05/11/2023 22:14

You leave him and her

Hanitiser · 05/11/2023 22:14

Leave. Sounds simple, I know it's definitely not but that's what you need to do and you know it too.

Start getting things organised and make your life better. You don't deserve this.

SeulementUneFois · 05/11/2023 22:15

Call the police when he's aggressive, to get him kicked out.
Get a restraining order asap, and start the divorce.

Neolara · 05/11/2023 22:15

Leave? Sounds awful and as if things are unlikely to change.

Shouldbedoing · 05/11/2023 22:15

You ask for help on here or from Womans Aid etc and you quietly take steps to leave. You are worth more than this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/11/2023 22:18

Leave. But I think you know that’s your only option.

slopsan · 05/11/2023 22:18

You need to leave.

FizzyWizard · 05/11/2023 22:21

It's not the abusive stepdaughter who's your problem here, it's your abusive husband. I know it's not easy but you need to leave.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 05/11/2023 22:22

Start to plan your exit.

excelledyourself · 05/11/2023 22:24

You should leave. As quickly and as safely as possible. Yes, your SD has issues and is abusive, but the biggest threat is your husband.

Please get out of this situation.

Northernsouloldies · 05/11/2023 22:25

Nobody in their right mind buys a 15yr old btls of vodka that in its self is child neglect. Op get the fuck away from him, he brings nothing to your life. Good luck in finding a better way.

Dotcheck · 05/11/2023 22:26

This reply has been deleted

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Leah5678 · 05/11/2023 22:27

Do you have any children with him? Biological I mean? If not you get your ass out asap this ain't your circus or your monkey whatever the saying is. He's been using you for years as a replacement mother while treating you like shit.
I am not saying you should stay with him if you do have kids btw. It's just a nice easy clean break if you don't

Mariposista · 05/11/2023 22:30

Why on Earth are you anywhere near this vile family. Pack a bag tonight and get somewhere safe. Employ a solicitor in the morning.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 05/11/2023 22:31

Why would you not just leave?

user96327888 · 05/11/2023 22:31

She's not a problem child, she just as a problem father.

Northernsouloldies · 05/11/2023 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Care to expand dot check?. Do you think this is not real?.

Restinggoddess · 05/11/2023 22:34

The Apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree

Sorry - but you need to leave him. He is disrespecting you - you deserve better

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/11/2023 22:36

You leave. it will never get any better, only worse.

KeithChegwinFromExtrasPopKnob · 05/11/2023 22:44

Wow fuck leaving I'd go whole hog and throw myself into witness protection with this one! Rough. Find a way to escape and get as far away from the pair of them as possible. Permanently.

whattodo22222 · 05/11/2023 22:53

Leave them to it. This isn't even her fault, no parent should be buying their child bottles of vodka. Your husband is the problem. You don't deserve this.

ColdSpirit · 05/11/2023 23:12

Call women’s aid and make a safe plan to leave because you’re being abused.

unsync · 05/11/2023 23:17

As others have said, you need to leave. You can get practical help from your local Women's Aid group and you should also seek legal advice. Get all your important documents together, including financial, and keep them somewhere safe, away from your house.

It may seem like an impossible task, but you can do this. You don't have to live like this, life is better without all of that in it.

StaunchMomma · 05/11/2023 23:28

Why are you still there, OP?

If you are contributing 50% then you can take that and go. If you are married, file for divorce on the grounds of abuse. It sounds like there is more than enough to report!!

If you genuinely think he is a narcissist and a sociopath, why would you want to stay, even without all of the aggression you are having thrown at you by him and his DD?!!

It's not going to improve.

StaunchMomma · 05/11/2023 23:30

I agree that you need to be clever about leaving, OP. There are people here who give incredible advice on getting away safely and with everything you'll need. Please take it.

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