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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

15 year old step daughter is way beyond abusive

112 replies

Sparkle2023 · 05/11/2023 22:12

long post I have 15 and 17 year old stepdaughters. The elder is wonderful; respectful, kind and gentle. The youngest is without doubt a problem child. I have known her since she was 8 years old. Very spoilt, never corrected, never told no. I said years ago to my husband that she needed boundaries otherwise there will be trouble ahead. Fast forward to now and she has no respect, tells her teachers to fuck off, had 17 detentions and didnt go to 15 of them. Even CAM and an independent counselor have washed their hands of her because she doesnt engage. Her father (my husband) is a naturally agressive man and verbally attacks me and uses his physical size to scare me, his daughter now does the same. Because she openly drinks he buys her bottles of vodka the weekends she is with us and when I try to say it's wrong how much she is drinking he says it's nothing to do with me. His brother dies of alcoholism and he is a very aggressive drunk personality. Tonight we had an horrendous argument with the 15 year old saying 'we all know you're fucking mad' shouting at me, being beyond disrespectful (no words can describe how bad it was) the husband stood next to her and balled me down, whilst she stood there smirking at me.

I feel abused, broken, lonely and then to be told I have no say in my home (I pay 50%)

I've tried reasoning with him, I've tried to explain how i feel, etc. However the bottom line is he is a narcissist and sociopath and he just wont listen or see my side.

What do I do? 😥

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 05/11/2023 23:31

Definitely call Women's Aid and ask them how you can plan to leave safely Flowers

jazzyfips · 06/11/2023 00:36

Leave the prick

Howbizarre22 · 06/11/2023 00:42

Leave your abuser asap. Use all the support you need any family friends, womens aid. He is the problem here not the teenager that he influences and your are being massively abused. Leave leave leave.

Jewelspun · 06/11/2023 00:59

Whilst she is under 18 she and her father know that if she wallops you and she will, I think we can all see it coming, she will get away with it and her father certainly won't back you up.

You need to get away from him asap.

OhcantthInkofaname · 06/11/2023 01:49

Ah you need to leave.

Twillow · 06/11/2023 01:52

The stepdaughter is neither your responsibility nor your biggest problem here. I think you know the solution. Sorry you're going through this.

Circumferences · 06/11/2023 01:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/11/2023 02:02

Leave. Your problem is your husband not your step daughter.

Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 06/11/2023 02:18

Let this incident be a final straw. Start the process of disengaging from both of them. You ( and your children if you have any) do not deserve to live like this.
I would not be able to allow these sorts of people to stay in my life.
why are you still there?

Noshowlomo · 06/11/2023 02:35

@Dotcheck AI?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 06/11/2023 02:53

Put the stepdaughter aside for now, why are you still in a relationship with a man who is abusive, a drunk and aggressive towards you?

Get rid of nasty man and you rid yourself of nasty stepdaughter.

saythatagaintome · 06/11/2023 03:08

You leave, OP. WTF?

MariaLuna · 06/11/2023 03:18

Her father (my husband) is a naturally agressive man and verbally attacks me and uses his physical size to scare me, his daughter now does the same.

OMG, get out!

Phone WOMENSAID.

Fab973 · 06/11/2023 03:23

@Circumferences why?

Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:45

I didnt understand that reply either. Trust me it's very, VERY real

OP posts:
Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:47

Because it's my home, in my name! Try kicking out a man who changes locks for a living! It's not easy!!!! Lord I wish it was, plus I have no where to go.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 06/11/2023 07:49

Just wanted to add that as well as ringing Women's Aid and coming up with a plan to leave safely. Please also do the Freedom Program so that you're not a target for the next abusive test that comes your way.

Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:51

I have no where to go. I work from home, and my 2 dogs are all I have and love with every fibre of my being. I know this isnt good, I needed other peoples views as my head is just a mess. I've started to look for a solicitor but I need to save what little money I have. Are their cheaper avenues for advice that i can take?

OP posts:
nibblessquibbles · 06/11/2023 07:52

If it's your home then change the locks and bolt the door on the side when he next leaves.

Lhe a restraining order against him as he has been physically abusive and the file for divorce pronto

See a solicitor asap

Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:52

Thank you so much, do you have any names of who to turn to please?

OP posts:
weleasewoderick23 · 06/11/2023 07:54

Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:52

Thank you so much, do you have any names of who to turn to please?

Please contact women's aid or the DV officer at the police for advise.
Good luck 🤞

NugatoryMatters · 06/11/2023 07:54

Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:47

Because it's my home, in my name! Try kicking out a man who changes locks for a living! It's not easy!!!! Lord I wish it was, plus I have no where to go.

There are court orders and a police service to help with this.

He’s physically aggressive, scares you and is a terrible father. You can and should leave

Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 07:58

Because it's my home, I work from here, and my 2 dogs are here that I love with every fibre of my being. They are all I have. I have no parents, no siblings, all my friends have their own lives and have no space anyway. I'm stuck. Simply stuck and broken 😔

OP posts:
Sparkle2023 · 06/11/2023 08:01

I'm not bloody AI. Why? Because my post is articulate. This is my life you're doubting. Thank you for nothing, far from helpful!!!

OP posts: