DP and I have had SKs full time for almost two years now and since then life has felt so miserable. They came to us under pretty traumatic circumstances after being removed from their mum by social services, she no longer has any contact with them (this is her own choice as she is allowed to see them supervised). Initially she had contact unsupervised for a long time but lots of things happened until it was made supervised only earlier this year. DP and I are not married but have a child together.
It has been so so hard since they have come here. Obviously they have been through so much and so they need so much support with everything. The oldest hates people being happy and will try to turn anything positive into a negative and it is so draining. Now my younger stepson is starting to do this also. My partner and I are like shells of our former selves. Life just feels so heavy since getting them because of having to deal with the constant behaviour from the children or issues with their mum (as despite her refusing to see them she is still doing anything she van to hurt DP and I, we are currently awaiting her criminal trial for the most recent stunt).
I don't blame my stepkids at all. They are really hard work to be around and look after but they are kids that have experienced extreme trauma at the hands of their mum and are behaving as any child would.
None of it is their fault, but it doesn't make it any easier. In lots of ways they have come on leaps and bounds in the last two years but in other ways certain parts of behaviour have become worse over time as they have gotten older.
I am starting to ask myself if I should be leaving with our shared child. We have tried our best to shield her from their behaviour but now she is a toddler she is starting to pick up on things. Today I saw her talking to her doll the way that my stepkids talk to each other, the way their mother spoke to them as young children, and it absolutely broke my heart. It broke my heart for them but I don't want my daughter to grow up experiencing that. However I know that me leaving will bring more chaos and change to their lives when our family has been the first semblance of stability they've had in their lives. They adore my daughter and she adores them and through all the difficult behaviour and hard times there is still a lot of love and they share lots of lovely times and moments together, but i don't know if that's enough to counter all the negative behaviours? If I should be raising her in this environment, with two parents who often feel pretty much broken with dealing with it all. If I left I feel like I would be abandoning DP and leaving him to deal with it all himself but I want to do what's best for my own daughter and I'm just not sure what that is.