Do I need to punish my child?

[User098765765443]

My DP and I each have two children to previous relationships. His children don’t spend much time at my place as when they are it’s very difficult.
DPS kids never help with dinner clean up, they just sit at the table and wait for their food to be brought to them and when done just walk away. If they were asked they would throw a tantrum and call their mum to come and get them. This isn’t an issue just context.

My ds was being a pain and refused to take his plate to the sink. I said you know why I ask you to do that (thinking he would say because you’re my mother not my maid). He said because you don’t want me to end up a spoiled brat like dps kids. The s kids weren’t there, but DP was. And he went mad. He has handed out a few restrictions and wants him to swap his ‘good’ big bedroom for one of his kids as punishment (it’s a bit of a battle who gets the ‘good bedroom’ )

I think it’s ridiculous, my ds apologised. But DP is really pushing this.

Your son is right. Your DP is a bully. Don’t punish your son for speaking the truth. Taking a bedroom away or handing out restrictions is not up to DP - he should learn how to parent his own children before picking on yours.

Your DC was gobby and acting out but with good reason.
They see your partners DC get away with doing nothing and deem it , quite fairly, as unjust. They're probably noticing other examples of unfairness too.
Your partners reaction was extreme to say the least , is this the usual reaction to dealing with kids stuff he has ?
As someone who learnt the hard way I'd advise you to put your children first and get rid of the OH ! It will , believe me , get a lot worse!

Your son's don't nothing wrong except tell the truth. A truth your DP obviously doesn't want to accept.

I'd he calling them spoiled brats because he's heard you say that or has he just observed this for himself?

Your partner can't even properly parent his own kids yet you're even considering listening to him about this?

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and get rid of your partner. This environment must be horrible for your children.

Your dp has no right to step in and parent your dc when he is incapable of parenting his own.
Reconsider your relationship is best ime.

Exactly. Can't discipline his own kids but is happy to discipline yours for doing nothing but speaking the truth. What an ass.

No way should your child be punished for this. And if he's there full time and DPs kids are hardly there, why would they get the bigger bedroom?

Your son shouldn't have apologised. Just because dad is scared to deal with their behaviour, it doesn't mean that everybody else should overlook it.
As a mum I wouldn't be expecting some kids to live under stricter conditions than others with a few exceptions like age (older kids can go to bed later than younger ones)

So your son would be punish for being blunt and telling the truth? Your DH is a Disney dad, that’s not your son’s fault.

Your DH is looking to shift the blame, please don’t punish your son or make him move rooms.

I hope you and DH don't live together. Spent less time with each other's kids and each of you spend more time with your own kids.

Why dont you tell DH that your child is speaking the truth?

Why give spoilt kids a big room as praise? And punish your well behaved child purely for a true statement?

Id be high fiving your child 😅

Swapping bedrooms is a ridiculously extreme punishment for being a bit gobby. It's also understandable your son feels a bit resentful if the other kids aren't asked to clear their plates, so to be honest I'm not surprised he's acting out a bit.

If your DS is there full time and the others aren't then of course he gets the better room. A bedroom is an extremely important safe space for a child and it shouldn't even be in question that could be taken away from him. Your partner is way out of order.

Fuck that. (Initial reaction)

you say YOUR house, does DP live there? Who owns/rents it etc?

if his kids aren't there much and yours are, why shouldn't your kids get the 'good' bedrooms?

if you stay with dick splash you need to have consistent 'rules' in place for ALL the children. It's grossly unfair to expect your kids to do stuff while they watch his not have to.

If dick splash doesn't like his DC to be referred to as spoilt brads, then he needs to stop allowing them to act that way 💁🏻‍♀️

obviously you weren't expecting DS to say that, but... I wouldn't be punishing him for saying it like it is. And dick splash certainly wouldn't be.

I'm all for adults living with children being adults & reprimanding children, theirs or not, but it was unnecessary when you were there and already engaging with DS.

Wow, your DPs response was really weird here. Sending him to his room, taking his phone away etc would be the normal kind of punishment for being rude, permanently taking his bedroom away is a huge leap.

Yes he was a bit rude but this has just demonstrated the consequences of your son having to share his house with kids that are not expected to behave as well as he is, and your DP should be feeling guilty about that, though predictably he just feels defensive.

Privately, I would be very relieved that your DS sees their behaviour as spoilt, rather than wanting to emulate them.

How are you dealing with your dp about this? Do your children like him?

Tell your DP to parent his own kids before he even thinks about parenting yours.

I really hope you’ve stood up for your son.

Ok I can see why your DP would be upset, and depending on age a stern conversation about how we talk about others is needed, what what does "went mad" and "few restrictions"?

You say your place? So has he moved in? Or he has his own place? Either way the fact he's using this one ride comment as leverage to kick your son out of his room for his kids who hardly visit shows his true colours.

Also if he's moved in with you and this has reduced his time with his kids, how is he addressing this or is everyone just happy he has less access so you can live together?

Why the hell is your DP punishing your child when he clearly can't parent his own? Tell him to fuck right off and get back in his lane.

Oh I'd be asking his kids every single time to clear up after themselves.
The tantrums and mummy having to drop everything to pick up the poor lambs will get old so fast.
It seems to me like your DP might be the biggest spoilt brat of them all though, and he doesn't like the consequences of his own parenting failures pointed out to him. Boo fucking hoo.
This is absolutely a hill to die on. Your kids deserve better than this bullshit.

100% this - why on earth are you letting him 'hand out restrictions' to your child?

This

Sounds like your DP’s been waiting for an excuse to try and kick your son out of his room in favour of his kids. Incredibly weird place for his mind to go otherwise.

He has handed out a few restrictions and wants him to swap his ‘good’ big bedroom for one of his kids as punishment (it’s a bit of a battle who gets the ‘good bedroom’ )

In your house? Singular 'your'? Umm no.

He's a big man when it's all about you and your DS isn't he? Total wimp around his. Time for a line in the sand about their behaviour around your house.

Your DP went mad because he knows your son is right.

If you allow your DP to hand out that ridiculous punishment of taking your DS's bedroom for speaking the truth, your DS would never forgive you for putting this man above him (and he would be right to do so).

I hope you have asked your DP when he plans to get his DC to pick up after themselves.

I'm not quick to say LTB. But in this case, you should definitely LTB.

He clearly sees your kids as 2nd rate. They can do chores and helpful things like taking their plates to the kitchen. His kids are too good for that as far as he is concerned and can just sit and be waited on hand and foot. He knows taking big bedroom off your son is not a proportional consequence. He is just using your son's behaviour as an excuse to take the bedroom off hina nd give it to one of his 'superior' kids.

Thanks. I needed to know I was right. I definitely am not swapping rooms or any punishments.

DP does try with his kids but their mum will pick them up if they call her, and they do. She uses the kids as weapons to hurt him. If he pulled them up on something he wouldn’t see them for a few months.