Feels like a stay at home dad.

[Chedderbites2]

My toddler and I live with my partner and his 7 year old dc. Both of our dc go to their dads/mums house every other weekend. We have only lived together for about 7 months and he is struggling with looking after my toddler when I'm in work. For context I work usually 3 long days a week. My toddler will often be in nursery on those days so he has to do drop off in am, collect 6pm and bed for 7. There is an occasional day when my shift won't fall on a nursery day so he has him for the full day. The other 4 days a week I'm with the kids full time and rarely have a nursery day off for time to myself. My partner is struggling with my toddler saying he feels like a stay at home dad. That he is restricted to school run times or nursery times and can't do anything ( he does have the 9 or so hours hes in nursery but says this isn't enough) when I question well u have to do it for ur dc he says thats different she's my kid. The days I am off he chooses still to not really do anything. He is unemployed currently but working on a business from home so doesn't have set hours or anything to do just gets draws as and when (artist) trying to build a portfolio. He is asking me if my toddlers dad will have him more which he won't I have asked before I basically beg them to see him now. I have also offered to pay for a babysitter to collect him from nursery and put him to bed which he has accepted. I feel a bit disheartened I don't know where this is going. He knew my situation and that I have a toddler when we got together. I embrace his child and watch her when he's drawing and take her for days out etc to give him a break. He says he feels like my babysitter. It hurts because I thought this was what families do. Both parents support each other and then when ur off u have times you come together. He just sees it as a 'u and ur son' 'me and my dc'

Whose house are you living in?

Have you explained to your DP that he will also have to pay for a babysitter if he needs someone to watch his own DC?

Ultimately though, your DP does not sound committed to you and your DC and I would not want my DC spending time with someone who resents them.

You violated his first principle which is that only he matters. He is happy to accept your care for his child but will not return the favor to you. If possible change shifts and put your child in wraparound care and stop being home to look after his child.

@CrackSpackle its his mums. She also lives with us and often does school runs etc for him but cannot help with toddler as she can't get out of the car so his dc can run into school herself etc. The only reason we are here is because I was going to move closer to my family and end the relationship as was struggling balancing childcare and work. He wanted us to stay together said we would be a family he will support we can both benefit from it be happy kids be happy etc and now Its as though he feels I am holding him back :( I guess I'm asking am I asking for too much? I would do it for him in a heartbeat and its not 5 days a week he still has time to do his work and the other 4 days aswell should he choose to do some (often he doesnt)

Do you actually want to tie yourself to an unemployed artist who lives with his mum anyway? Sounds awful honestly, he can’t have any prospect of supporting himself in the foreseeable future, or moving into a place with you?

@Toprepandhowmuch yes the babysitter has been on my mind as ultimately his dc will be looking for attention (I don't mean that in a bad way) but I'm sure she will have to make her meals etc too and maybe play with her or whatever. He says his dc doesn't need looked after as she is 7 she is pretty independent hes a very laid back parent like she can make a pot noodle or play on her phone or whatever. Where he struggles is the fact a toddler needs to be watched like he said to me today u need to get someone in he was playing with cutlery today??? Turns out he was out drawing left him to his own devices.

I wouldn't honestly just leave him. He doesn't like your son and that's all there is to it.

Would leave rather!

Take your dc and run.

Run before
-ds has an accident from not being supervised

• partner loses his temper with ds.

Partner sounds pissed off with ds so I'd be worried.

• ds learns he's bottom of the family and unwanted.

Just leave him, he is useless and can't even parent his own child properly, leaving it up to his own mother or the child herself to look after herself, you're lucky your toddler hasn't had a serious accident with him incharge.

Leave him.

I wouldn't want to leave my toddler under his supervision if he thinks leaving a seven year old to make pot noodles and play on a phone is appropriate parenting. Fuck that.

This is straight up neglect of both children. Honestly sack this off right now.

He left your toddler unsupervised to play with kitchen equipment, and lets his 7 year old boil the kettle to make pot noodles unsupervised?

You can’t trust your child with him ever again, and that would be the end of the relationship for me.

Why have you saddled yourself and your small child with a man who-

• is unemployed
• is unable to support himself
• has a very different parenting style to you
• lives with his mum
• treats a hobby as a job (and I know plenty of successful artists but none of them were able to quit work before becoming very, very established)
• doesn’t like your child

Surely you can see how ridiculous your situation is?

This is so upsetting to read

Why are you exposing your poor toddler to this?

Its horrible to even read this

Your child will have an accident soon ( deliberate or not)

Why can’t you make your plans yourself, he’s not kept up his plan of ‘being a famileeee’

If you love your child, get out of there and make a life for you and your child

Poor kids

I don't think its fair to say poor kids. In alot of ways in the past he has been supportive its only since I started work he struggles. I do know I need to make a decision. He often says he wants to be with me but not with my toddler as he doesn't want more kids. Its not a light hearted decision to make his dc sees my toddler as her brother and has welcomed him and I. My child has grown to know this family when he doesn't see his own. He often makes me feel guilty saying he can't spent time with his dc because of my toddler which doesn't make sense snd that he feels guilty. Any of the 4 days even the times he's in nursery he could take her out but he doesn't? I have said this multiple times and I think its unfair to blame me for that. I dont know maybe I need to accept it maybe he wants me to walk. He tells me he wants freedom to travel etc but who will look after his dc? In alot of ways since being with him my and his dc my son has grown in confidence he talks more he plays better and he's really calming with him when he feels like being a parent i guess. This is why it hurts and confuses me

So he often says he wants to be with you but not with your toddler?

I honestly don’t know what you are doing with him then.

your toddler probably plays better due to getting older.

This man openly says he doesn’t want your toddler there!

Poor toddler, then, rather than poor kids

Protect your child and don’t set them up to live a life with an adult that openly admits they don’t want them around.

This is a no brainier of a parenting decision. Put your child first and leave this waste of space.

@Chedderbites2 alright so it's not a fecking nightmare all the time but he doesn't want your child. Your child deserves to not be an incinvinirnce

What a shit show honestly. Young children need stability seems like your partner doesn’t even know what he wants to do apart from not watching or being responsible for kids.

I see this situation playing out time and time on MN a threads. Please put your toddler first and walk away!

It's honestly a a damn shame his own child has to suffer him as a father. Don't saddle your kid with him when you don't need to.

What a lazy useless man child. Get rid. Go and live near your family. He dislikes your child and sponges off his mum and you. What can you possibly find attractive about this man?
Sometimes it’s just better to be on your own.

He often says he wants to be with me but not with my toddler as he doesn't want more kids. Its not a light hearted decision to make his dc sees my toddler as her brother and has welcomed him and I.

*What a mess.

If I have understood correctly - why oh why would you move in together after 7 months with a small child? Stay with him when he has explicitly said he wants you not another child? That's an immediate deal breaker surely? Where is there to go from there? He is oozing resentment towards your poor toddler. He has already left him unattended. There will be an accident soon. I also worry about how he interacts with your toddler when you're not there. Probably distance and uninterested. At worst, huffy and impatient.

You also mentioned wanting to end the relationship at one point but he didn't want to? He is an unemployed artist living in his mums house with his disgusted and has now moved in his new girlfriend and her toddler? Where do you all go from here?

Honestly OP I don't get it at all.

Put your toddler first and leave this mess.*

*daughter