Holiday Costs - aibu?

[noglow]

Relevant info:
DH has 2 kids from previous relationship - teens
We have 1 shared DC
I am higher earner (is that relevant? Not sure it is really).
Attraction entry fees are not minor - it will cost us about £40-60 and we might do more than one in a day.

We are off on holiday - horray!

I've paid for half the room costs (2).

DH is saying we should just get family tickets to attractions and split all the food and attraction costs 50/50.

I'm saying no hang on. We should be splitting it so I'm paying for me and half of shared DC and he's paying for him and 2.5 kids.

Aibu?

My boyfriend has two kids from previous relationships. I have one and we don't have any together. He pays for 3/5ths, I pay for 2/5ths on trips out and holidays. When we go out to eat, he pays for him and his lot, and I pay for mine. It works out. You're more like a 1.5/5th and he's a 3.5/5th. That's a lot of maths.

It's not once you've worked it out. Just add it all up at the end and split it

Thats the thing. I know it seems petty but I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I need to make sure I've saved for DC's future so even if DH can't afford to help out with say college or uni costs or their first months rent I am able to.

I have two kids from my first relationship, my partner has one. We have two little ones together. We just half everything because I can't be arsed to be petty and ruin a holiday doing maths. If we go out one day, one pays and the next day the other.

Right but we'd just whack it on a credit card and split it at the end. So it's not like our holiday will be spent doing maths.

Also neither of us hates maths that much that it would ruin our holiday..

It’s more the pettyness of ‘but those aren’t my kids, yeah but I earn less than you’ that could ruin your holiday. Depends on your relationship tho. If he’s fine with your split then no issue

I agree with you- you should pay 30%. Whether that's by splitting the card costs or paying into a kitty. Not sure why people think calculating 30% of something is complicated, I think it's pretty straightforward and the fairest way of splitting costs.

At first. Thiugh yabu as you are married and you are thr hogher earner so should be paying a higher percentage, then ajustes for the number of children.

however, since you believe he wont be able to save for your joint child’s future, then id definitely ensure he pays his fair share based on teens being far, far more expensive. And that you continue to save for your joint child.

has he savings accounts he puts into for all his children?

I think if I explain I've already paid for half the room costs he'll understand.

No he does not and that's not my problem

I'm going to say 30% of everything I think. Just ignore that LO won't eat adult portions of everything. That still a "good deal" for him then?

Thread closed then really? You are confident you don’t want to pay more, and you think he will understand. You don’t agree with anyone here who’s said otherwise, so I’m not sure what else can be said. Enjoy your holiday.

Sounds like a good plan.

How about you and joint child duck out of the activities that are for the teens benefit? As you've said the joint DC won't get much out of it. Then surely your DH can't expect you to pay half when you're not even there. Food - yes I can see that it would be fairer for H to pay a higher proportion as all the kids are his but only one is yours. It's tricky though because the usual position is that the kids of separated parents have 2 parents who cover their costs. But as this is a holiday the teens' mum won't be contributing. And H earns less than you .. Not sure what the answer is but he ought to be paying more than 50% and you need to find a proportionate split you both agree on. You're right to be thinking about this before you go.

That's what i thought. Dont pay a penny more than 30%

Not sure about splitting cost tbh but I'd push back hard on doing more than one expensive attraction in one day. The teenagers need to start understanding there's no magic money tree and your youngest won't care by the sounds of it.

We have separate finances. I pay for my dc days out and holidays . Dh pays half towards fuel and food for days out... We have 1 shared dc. I earn more so pay for that dc also. Works for us.

My next concern would be, whose name is the credit card in? He could just not contribute anyway if it is yours.

This, and don’t let DH push you into the ‘oh but the teens will be bored, and I don’t want them to be bored as they won’t want to come away with us again’ guilt schtick that they often use.

more accurately, it works for him. He isnt financially contributing to his own child.

And if it’s in his she could just do the same. She’s not suggested anywhere he’s a thief though?

I think its really unfair of you DH to plan a holiday around his older children and expect you to stump up half. It's very cheeky actually. You have paid half for the accommodation which I think is more than fair. Money doesn't grow on trees and as you say, you want to save for your little one.
Also, just because you marry a man with children, that doesn't mean you take on the financial burden 🙄 you weren't involved with the planning and conceiving of these children, they are not your responsibility. I would hope the parents of said kids had a bit of self respect and supported their children themselves. All a stepparent of non resident children needs to do is be kind and welcoming. That's it.

But he is the one expecting her to pay more. She has already paid towards the teens room. He hasnt saved for any of his children’s college so he expects those costs to be paid by someone other than him.

she hasnt said he is a thief, but she has said he does not save and pay fairly for his children’s costs.

What age is your joint DC ?
Will they enjoy the paid for activities that are planned ?

Could you just do something like preload a wyse card in the percentage proportion that you do when at home ? It seems odd that he's ok with that split when at home, but on holidays expects you to pay over the odds for teens - oh and btw going forward HB is the way to go with teens, I speak from experience.