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Original poster

Holiday Costs - aibu?

102 replies

noglow · 23/07/2023 10:19

Relevant info:
DH has 2 kids from previous relationship - teens
We have 1 shared DC
I am higher earner (is that relevant? Not sure it is really).
Attraction entry fees are not minor - it will cost us about £40-60 and we might do more than one in a day.

We are off on holiday - horray!

I've paid for half the room costs (2).

DH is saying we should just get family tickets to attractions and split all the food and attraction costs 50/50.

I'm saying no hang on. We should be splitting it so I'm paying for me and half of shared DC and he's paying for him and 2.5 kids.

Aibu?

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Mmmmdanone · 23/07/2023 10:21

I suppose technically you are right but all sounds a bit petty as a high earner. I'd just go half and enjoy the holiday!

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2023 10:22

If you don't do shared finances then yes. Or should you pay for your child proportionately ie if you earn more in proportion to earnings. How do you divide mortgage and bills? What do you do if you eg have a takeaway whe they are round normally?

We have always just shared all finances so it was never an issue.

tweener · 23/07/2023 10:22

Personally yes I think you're being unreasonable. You're married, you've chosen to combine your lives in such a way that you're a family. I'm a firm believer in whatever money is earned once married is family money and my personal, maybe controversial opinion, is that if you didn't want to combine finances or pool money for this sort of thing you shouldn't have married someone who already had kids, they come as a package and then go on to have another child with him. It sounds as though he still works, just doesn't earn as much as you so isn't as if he's taking advantage.

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:23

We split paying into joint account equally to take into account he has more kids

OP posts:
NoSunNoSun · 23/07/2023 10:24

Tell him you’re paying 40% of any tickets or meals out, don’t get into a discussion.

TeaKitten · 23/07/2023 10:24

Are your finances shared generally? Do you do the lions share with your own DC? How much more do you earn? Diving things so precisely on holiday when you are the high earner sounds miserable but if he’s normally funny about finances then I guess it’s fair.

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:24

Mmmmdanone · 23/07/2023 10:21

I suppose technically you are right but all sounds a bit petty as a high earner. I'd just go half and enjoy the holiday!

I'm not a high earner. I'm the higher earner. And the costs will build up.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 23/07/2023 10:25

noglow · 23/07/2023 10:23

We split paying into joint account equally to take into account he has more kids

Why doesn’t this apply on holiday then?

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:25

NoSunNoSun · 23/07/2023 10:24

Tell him you’re paying 40% of any tickets or meals out, don’t get into a discussion.

That's an idea. Maybe 30%?

OP posts:
midgetastic · 23/07/2023 10:26

Did you not know about his children before you married ?

yogasaurus · 23/07/2023 10:27

Teens will eat and drink a lot more than a smaller DC so he’s got a very good deal out of this.

Coffeedrinker7 · 23/07/2023 10:27

If you already split the percentage you put into the joint account, can’t you just pay for everything out of there? Then the disparity has already been taken into account?

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:28

Because he's choosing the attractions his kids want to go to. Shared DC is so young they aren't going to get much out of it

OP posts:
Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:28

midgetastic · 23/07/2023 10:26

Did you not know about his children before you married ?

WTF

OP posts:
OutDamnedSpot · 23/07/2023 10:30

I think the split also depends on who is choosing the activities.

I have two children and a Haven budget. DP has no children and a Ritz budget. If he expected me to split costs 75/25, that would be fine if they were activities I could choose and budget for. But if he suggests more expensive trips, he covers a higher proportion of the costs.

midgetastic · 23/07/2023 10:31

I ask because if you marry someone you become their children's step parent and as such you should parent those children and that includes making them part of your family and treating them the same as any other children

OutDamnedSpot · 23/07/2023 10:31

I hadn’t seen your reply before I posted. If he’s choosing the expensive activities, he should pay for them.

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:33

yogasaurus · 23/07/2023 10:27

Teens will eat and drink a lot more than a smaller DC so he’s got a very good deal out of this.

Exactly. I'm already paying for half their room

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 23/07/2023 10:33

I cannot imagine doing this to someone I am married to. Luckily when I married my ex husband and already had two children who never quibbled over who paid what. We were just his family and he treated us all as such.

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:33

midgetastic · 23/07/2023 10:31

I ask because if you marry someone you become their children's step parent and as such you should parent those children and that includes making them part of your family and treating them the same as any other children

That's not how it works in our family. The kids wouldn't be happy with that

OP posts:
yogasaurus · 23/07/2023 10:33

midgetastic · 23/07/2023 10:31

I ask because if you marry someone you become their children's step parent and as such you should parent those children and that includes making them part of your family and treating them the same as any other children

Step parent means you’ve married someone who already had children. There’s no rules about what you SHOULD do. That’s for individual families to work out for themselves. If finances are not normally pooled, then holidays don’t need to be any different.

Original poster
noglow · 23/07/2023 10:34

noglow · 23/07/2023 10:33

That's not how it works in our family. The kids wouldn't be happy with that

Show quote history

Or do you just mean I should pay for them?

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 23/07/2023 10:34

We usually do one is paying for entrance fees and the other for food.

In your situation, I'd pay for food and pack a basic picnic plus pay for an ice cream.

If you don't like the attractions and your DC is to small, maybe sit one out and have a lovely day at the beach/ Park...

BackT · 23/07/2023 10:36

It seems a bit petty but I can see where you are coming from.

I suppose it depends on what the general financial situation is. If DH is also generally generous and by you paying 50% he will just have more to spend on the family as a whole I would do it.

If he's then going to go and spend his "saving" on himself then no.

Plus teens on holiday are SO expensive.

BoohooWoohoo · 23/07/2023 10:41

2 teens will mean 2 adult appetites so he should pay more than 50% but it also depends on how
much more you earn.