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Original poster

How to accommodate step children in your house

117 replies

Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 07/07/2023 13:34

i have a 4 bedroom house and there has been talk of my partner moving in, in the near future. I have twins a boy and girl who are 8 and they currently have a room of their own. My partner has a 14 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son and has them 3 nights a week. But unless I make some drastic changes to the house then there arent enough bedrooms for everyone. What does everyone else do in similar situations? Is it unreasonable for my son to share a room with his son?

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OhmygodDont · 07/07/2023 13:46

Divide the forth bedroom to create to small singles if it’s big enough, chance a “spare” living room or dining room if you have to a bedroom or again divide to create two smaller rooms.

Can use bunk beds as a divider wall like this.

How to accommodate step children in your house
greengteyred · 07/07/2023 13:52

I wouldn't voluntarily put my child in a situation where they had to share a bedroom, having previously not had to.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 07/07/2023 13:54

🙄 unless they get their own space or can share with siblings it's abit shit for your son (and stepson) isn't it? Your home should be the one place on earth your children feel comfortable. I know kids the world over have to share rooms but no, I wouldn't want my children to have to share with my partners kids. What's your partners situation now?

FinallyHere · 07/07/2023 13:56

Really, don't do it.

Wait til your DC are at least old enough to move out if they want to.

But no, don't do it. Just don't.

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 07/07/2023 13:59

Please don’t do it! Why do you have to move in together already? Don’t make your kids share with “stepsiblings” how uncomfortable for everyone!

fruitbrewhaha · 07/07/2023 13:59

I probably wouldn’t move in together. The 14 year old is not going to want to move in with two 8 year olds. Neither is a 12 year old. Can you carry on as your are until the kids are older?

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 07/07/2023 13:59

I also think a 8 year old sharing with a soon teenager is not appropriate.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2023 14:01

What’s his set up at the moment? Does he have his own place? How well do the children all get on? I wouldn’t rush into this as your kids will the ones losing out. Do they see their other parent?

You say there has been talk, is that mutual or is it his idea you house him and his kids for half the week?

Parky04 · 07/07/2023 14:03

You are putting your own needs in front of your children. Not a good look.

Workawayxx · 07/07/2023 14:04

I think making either of your DC share (or reducing their space) is a recipe for resentment. Is there a room downstairs (eg dining room), a loft or garage that could be converted? Or could the 4th bedroom be divided into 2 small rooms for his DC?

Whattodo112222 · 07/07/2023 14:05

Parky04 · 07/07/2023 14:03

You are putting your own needs in front of your children. Not a good look.

This

Mortgageportgage · 07/07/2023 14:11

Why do you need to live together?

Iamclearlyamug · 07/07/2023 14:13

I don't know, I don't necessarily see any reason they can't move in together - I do however agree that the OPs children shouldn't now have to share if they never have done before. And also only if everyone generally gets on well.

If its a 4 bed presumably there's more than 1 reception room? Can't a dining room or even lounge (if there's a big open plan kitchen/diner) be turned into an extra bedroom?

I have DD11 and we live in an (admittedly very big) 2 bed 2 bath flat. My OH may shortly move in with his DS18 while we save for a bigger place. The kids will each have a bedroom and OH and I will get a fold out sofa bed for the lounge.

Ideal? No. Possible for 6 months until we can sort something else? Absolutely. All the time we're paying for 2 separate places there's no chance of saving as we're both living hand to mouth each month to afford it

GeriatricMumma · 07/07/2023 14:17

My dad did this to me and my brother (we both had to share with new step siblings)

It didn't work out well.

PlainOldEmmaJane · 07/07/2023 14:20

Please don’t do this. Put your children first.

radroa · 07/07/2023 14:37

Why not ask the kids?

I had to share with my step sister when I had just turned 9, she was six. However, they only came once every two weeks, so it was still my room. I'd been sharing with my sister until then, so I was used to it. I probably wasn't asked, but I don't think I'd have said no.

If they don't want to share, unfortunately you wouldn't be able to move DP in. It's definitely better to just check with all of the children, even if it's just one that says no, I wouldn't do it.

Original poster
Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 07/07/2023 15:49

Thank you so much everyone for all your input and advice. To be totally honest I’m happy as I am living with my kids and am in no rush for him to move in. My partner on the other hand unfortunately doesn’t feel the same. However I would always put my children first and I just wanted a bit of advice and was interested to see what other people do.

I have got a dining room I could use as a bedroom but then there goes the dining room 🤣 .

thanks again everyone 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 07/07/2023 15:51

To be honest I don’t really want my son sharing either. But they do get on really well.

My partner currently rents a three bed house.

OP posts:
CadMan · 07/07/2023 15:53

Do you want to live with his children? Do your children want to live with his children?

Unless a bedroom can be easily divided and a stud wall put in, I wouldn’t do it. It’s all very well saying use a reception room but then you’ve got six people sharing one living room whilst half the bedrooms are empty most of the time.

He wants to move in because it probably benefits him, but it doesn’t work for anyone else!

PlainOldEmmaJane · 07/07/2023 15:55

How long have you been a couple op? I think I’d have some alarm bells ringing if he’s really pushing you to take this step which is probably for his benefit mainly, at the potential expense of all the dc in this scenario.

Theres lots of people I get on with well enough in life. That doesn’t mean I’d want to be sharing my home, never mind my bedroom with them.

CadMan · 07/07/2023 15:56

The obvious suggestion would be to rent out your house, and rent a five bedroom one together with a view to buy together in a few years if it goes well. Or continue living separately until his eldest is at uni, then he and his son move in.

FayCarew · 07/07/2023 15:56

Your partner wanting to move in might be because:
He wants to not pay rent
Wants someone to do the housework & feed the kids etc

Then again, I might be wrong.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 07/07/2023 15:56

They get on well because they are not being forced to share a room together. Just seen he rents. Do you own? Daft question, I know the answer. Put your children first because nobody else will.

Codlingmoths · 07/07/2023 15:57

what are the reasons he wants to move in? Does it include that it would be cheaper for him (would it be cheaper for you?) and convenient as you’d share the housework? Not good enough reasons! Isn’t he concerned his ds might hate the idea of sharing? His moving in just doesn’t seem necessary to me. His moving in and assuming it’s fine his dd gets her own room while your son who had his own room now has to share is pretty cheeky.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 07/07/2023 16:00

You've answered your own question. You're not in a rush to move in together, he's pushing for it.

Presumably, he moves in with you, saves on rent and gets someone to share cooking/cleaning/childcare etc (& the likelihood is that you'll end up doing most of the housework). It's pretty much all wins for him.

Meanwhile, you get higher bills, messier house, more stress, unhappy children forced to share with strangers, hormonal teens; what do you get out of it?