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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Honeymoon & DSD

315 replies

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 17:39

Myself and my partner will be getting married next year finally.

We have two children together.

DSD will be attending the wedding as will our kids.

However, I would like to go on our honeymoon with no children if possible but we may have to take our two joint children if my mother can’t have them.

My partner has mentioned bringing dsd if we have to take our kids but I really don’t want too. I’d like to take the least amount of kids possible really.

Has anyone else took their kids but not step kids on their honeymoon?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 05/06/2023 19:37

Makemyday99 · 05/06/2023 17:43

I would agree with you. Your kids are your responsibility so you have no option but to take them if you can’t get care sorted but presumably dsd can stay with her mum so care isn’t an issue. I get its not because she’s your ‘step’ child but because you have no option but to take your own but ideally don’t want to take any of them. I would just say no to your DH

Her Dhs child is his responsibility though

changeyerheadworzel · 05/06/2023 19:39

Fucking lousy!

excelledyourself · 05/06/2023 19:39

Iv already said my partner is the one that wants to get married, I actually don’t care. I care more about the honeymoon then the wedding. He cares more about the wedding then the honeymoon so we balance each other out.

If you don't even care about getting married, why so particular about the honeymoon?

Genuinely curious? Have you never had a family holiday before?

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 19:39

@MinionsHooray since you snd your DP got together, exactly how many times have you taken your DSD on holiday with you? I mean, seeing your kid EOW is not much, you'd think DP (if not you) would be desperate for a chance to spend more time with his DD, wouldn't you? And why does he only see her EOW?

GiveOverRover · 05/06/2023 19:41

You care about the honeymoon, your DP cares about the wedding, meanwhile nobody really gives a shiny shite about the kids. But as long as you get your big day and your fancy holiday... you are behaving like a pair of berks.

Why bother inviting her to the wedding? After all, it's the least amount of kids possible, rather than ensuring everyone feels equally involved in this legal contract that's actually about a lot more than your holiday.

Unless you've been struck by the most extreme case of Bridezilla fever I've ever seen, I'd say that your DSD has got the measure of you over the past ten years and won't be particularly suprised if you and her spineless dad leave her out. You reap what you sow, and she will be in charge of choosing your nursing home one day. Good luck.

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 05/06/2023 19:41

OP, genuine question: is everything ok with yourself and DSD? Has there been tension or out and out issues that mean you don't want the stress of her around on the holiday?

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 19:41

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 19:30

Acting like I’m 17 because I want to take the least amount of kids on a honeymoon? OK.

Show quote history

No acting like you are 17 because you are blind to the potential hurt and damage you could do to your SD by doing what you want to do in this case!

louderthan · 05/06/2023 19:41

Look. You take all or none. Come on. It's that simple. Disclaimer: I don't have kids or step kids but even I can see that to exclude DSD would be a shitty thing to do.

louderthan · 05/06/2023 19:42

I mean ideally you take none, but you know what I mean.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/06/2023 19:44

Smartiepants79 · 05/06/2023 19:35

Basically you are being advised that it would not be a sensible or kind thing to do to take only some of your children away for this once in a lifetime event.
It’s not the same as any old holiday and therefore more emotive. You have to invite all of them or take none. Your SD will never forget that she wasn’t taken on this trip even if she doesn’t actually really want to come! If you wish to preserve the balance of your blended family and keep the relationship with your SD you have to give her the option to come along.
This is just common sense.
All or none.
Can’t you find anyone else who’d be willing to share out the care of your kids for a couple of days? Cousins? Friends??

This.

Years ago my parents invited my sister and her husband on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to Hawaii. I was not invited; didn't particularly want to go, but 30 years later it still stings. And I was an adult.

The 15-year-old will never forget this, and not in a good way. I couldn't marry a man who would allow it to happen to his daughter, frankly.

LimeCheesecake · 05/06/2023 19:46

If you have to take the 12 and 10 year old, surely taking the 15 year old as well would make life easier, not harder on holiday? The 15 year old can babysit the 10 year old in the evening so you and new DH can go for dinner /to the bar for a few drinks together, whereas I’d not be comfortable leaving a 12 year old in charge of a 10 year old.

obviously the ideal is no kids, but if you have to take 2, taking the 3rd who is old enough to be a help would seem better.

why is your mum not certain she can have the kids?

JeandeServiette · 05/06/2023 19:47

It's not really a honeymoon with any children along, especially as they'll all be secondary age. So either take them all on a post-wedding family holiday, or arrange a proper honeymoon when you have childcare.

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 19:47

Is the honeymoon already booked?

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 19:47

But to be honest, I reckon most 17 year olds would have much more emotional intelligence than you do.

Guessthevoice · 05/06/2023 19:50

Ragwort · 05/06/2023 19:26

Totally ageee Berks ... I reluctantly attended the third wedding of a woman in her 50s acting like a blushing virginal bride in a silly white frock, surrounded by numerous adult DC and SC.

Wow, how awful you are. Why go to the wedding?

Nothingisblackandwhite · 05/06/2023 19:50

If you are taking your kids then I can understand why he is taking his ? If you didn’t take any that’s different.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/06/2023 19:51

I agree with the posters who have said that you either take none of them or all three, @MinionsHooray - taking your two and leaving your step daughter behind would be really a cruel and hurtful thing to do to her.

Does your honeymoon matter more than the feelings of a child?

Plus, on a practical level, I can’t see why taking three would be sooooo much harder than taking two.

mopeymoo · 05/06/2023 19:51

JeandeServiette · 05/06/2023 19:47

It's not really a honeymoon with any children along, especially as they'll all be secondary age. So either take them all on a post-wedding family holiday, or arrange a proper honeymoon when you have childcare.

I agree. It's not going to be a decent honeymoon with kids around. It's just a holiday then.

Misunderstoodagain · 05/06/2023 19:52

Think your getting a hard time. I get it!
But I think.your missing a beat here.....
DsD will be 16? If she came along she might be able to stay at the hotel a couple of the nights for you and DH to go out for dinner etc, might even appreciate a few quid thrown her way. If she doesn't go there definitely won't be any romantic meals out as your 2 aren't old enough to be left behind.

Original poster
MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 19:53

GiveOverRover · 05/06/2023 19:41

You care about the honeymoon, your DP cares about the wedding, meanwhile nobody really gives a shiny shite about the kids. But as long as you get your big day and your fancy holiday... you are behaving like a pair of berks.

Why bother inviting her to the wedding? After all, it's the least amount of kids possible, rather than ensuring everyone feels equally involved in this legal contract that's actually about a lot more than your holiday.

Unless you've been struck by the most extreme case of Bridezilla fever I've ever seen, I'd say that your DSD has got the measure of you over the past ten years and won't be particularly suprised if you and her spineless dad leave her out. You reap what you sow, and she will be in charge of choosing your nursing home one day. Good luck.

Actually my daughter will be in charge of my nursing home, not my step daughter.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/06/2023 19:53

If your mum came back and said "I'm only able to keep one dc for a week" and dsd had to come, it would still be two kids right....

Would you still say the same?

Makemyday99 · 05/06/2023 19:54

Misunderstoodagain · 05/06/2023 19:52

Think your getting a hard time. I get it!
But I think.your missing a beat here.....
DsD will be 16? If she came along she might be able to stay at the hotel a couple of the nights for you and DH to go out for dinner etc, might even appreciate a few quid thrown her way. If she doesn't go there definitely won't be any romantic meals out as your 2 aren't old enough to be left behind.

Get 16 yo to babysit siblings, might work out to their advantage actually

Original poster
MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 19:55

excelledyourself · 05/06/2023 19:39

Iv already said my partner is the one that wants to get married, I actually don’t care. I care more about the honeymoon then the wedding. He cares more about the wedding then the honeymoon so we balance each other out.

If you don't even care about getting married, why so particular about the honeymoon?

Genuinely curious? Have you never had a family holiday before?

Yes we have.
I just really enjoy traveling and holidays.

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 05/06/2023 19:56

Please don't exclude your DSD. It would be so mean and cause real resentment between the kids.

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 19:56

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 19:53

Actually my daughter will be in charge of my nursing home, not my step daughter.

Show quote history

Not your husband or son? Your DD's sole responsibility?