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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dont want ss to come on holiday

113 replies

dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:27

Is there any possible way of making this happen? He's 15 and just.... a lot!

Im really not here for all the evil stepmum drama i just need some sort of excuse without saying no kids as ours are going.

No to honesty, im sure he will stop being like this in a couple of years but honestly i just dont want to spend my 1 holiday of the year with him, it will be miserable!

OP posts:
AngryBirdsNoMore · 28/05/2023 16:28

Can you give us any more context as to why you don’t want him to come?

ProfessorXtra · 28/05/2023 16:30

No, there’s no way you can stop them from coming without causing huge issues. Issues that will likely prolong whatever the issue is at the moment.

llamallama6384 · 28/05/2023 16:30

Is he just a typical hormonal teenager? Or something else ?

Will you exclude your own children when they reach that age ?

Original poster
dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:32

Thats not the main point of this though, he's just beyond a nightmare even his mum & dad have had enough, i don't want to try and fix that. I just need a solution to this holiday thing.
I don't want to upset anyone, ss or dh, so was wondering if anyone had good ideas for an excuse really, thats all

OP posts:
EggInANest · 28/05/2023 16:34

I think you might just have to manage what happens on the holiday. Are your children younger? Can Dss have days out / activities with his parent that are more suited to his age?

Lemieux3 · 28/05/2023 16:34

dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:32

Thats not the main point of this though, he's just beyond a nightmare even his mum & dad have had enough, i don't want to try and fix that. I just need a solution to this holiday thing.
I don't want to upset anyone, ss or dh, so was wondering if anyone had good ideas for an excuse really, thats all

If you married someone with children then you can't just opt out of the bad bits of being a stepparent.

Nor can you demand that people give you the answers you want to hear.

You're an adult.

Hippyhippybake · 28/05/2023 16:37

But presumably his dad would like him to come as otherwise you wouldn’t need an excuse?

Original poster
dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:37

@Lemieux3 im not demanding anything

If you dont want to answer what ive asked it's simple just dont ?

OP posts:
AngryBirdsNoMore · 28/05/2023 16:38

The excuse will depend on the reason why. Because hopefully it’ll be honest.

My stepdad said no to my sister coming on holiday once when she was a teenager. That’s because she had told lies about him to her school, lies that could have had him in big trouble if the school had taken them seriously. He told her he didn’t trust her and wouldn’t have his holiday spoiled by waiting for allegations again.

My friend who is a stepmum has said no to her older teenage stepdaughter coming on holiday because she is just constantly trying to get my dad to spend money on her - on clothes, souvenirs, the most expensive restaurants and bars. My friend put up with it for a number of years but has now said, if you’re coming, you’re paying your way; the daughter refused, so the daughter isn’t coming.

you see? The reason he’s ‘a nightmare’ is relevant. You can’t just make up an excuse and expect this to go well.

BritishDesiGirl · 28/05/2023 16:38

He has as much right to go on the holiday as your own children do. That's the bottom line.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 28/05/2023 16:39

*her dad not my dad, my dad doesn’t feature!

Original poster
dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:39

@Hippyhippybake Want? No as he is sick and tired of it too, but he would feel bad not involving him.

OP posts:
Lemieux3 · 28/05/2023 16:39

You can't exclude your step child from an holiday. You clearly think that your needs should come above his. He didn't ask to be born. He didn't ask for his dad to marry someone who doesn't feel that you should take any responsibility for him.

If you didn't want to be a stepparent then you didn't have to marry someone who already had children!

FloweryName · 28/05/2023 16:40

You can’t make up a fake excuse to exclude a troubled 15yo from his own family holiday unless you want to actively choose to be a bitch.

Just suck it up for the next couple of years until he won’t want to go on holiday with you anymore anyway.

Iwasafool · 28/05/2023 16:40

Are your children much younger? If so could it be this is a holiday for little ones and dad takes him away for a big boy trip. Obviously if there is the money for that.

HirplesWithHaggis · 28/05/2023 16:40

Send him to a residential holiday like PGL (my teens loved it!) while the rest of you go elsewhere.

Xrays · 28/05/2023 16:41

If he was your own son you’d take him and make the best of it. He’s your dhs son. You take him. That’s it.

HerRoyalNotness · 28/05/2023 16:43

No one has a right to a holiday…

I’d go without your Dh too, go alone/with your DC I’d you have them. Get your Dh to invest some quality time into his son while you’re away

pinkfondu · 28/05/2023 16:44

There is no way to do it without upsetting him

Unicorntearsofgin · 28/05/2023 16:45

Unfortunately no matter what his behaviour is he is your husbands son and it doesn’t seem right to exclude him. I suspect this would really damage his relationship with his father if you do. The only thing I can think is try and do something affordable where there are activities he might want to take himself to.

It’s crap if he is being a Kevin but your kids aren’t your husbands main children they are all equal and I think you might end up causing more anguish long term.

I really feel for you though it is a tough rope to tread.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/05/2023 16:45

If you really don't want to go on holiday can you cancel your ticket and go somewhere else on your own buck?

lunar1 · 28/05/2023 16:45

There is no possible way without being extremely hurtful, how can you not see that?

Azealeasinbloom · 28/05/2023 16:46

How awful is this child ? I think if he is excluded , he will likely be hurt by it. Is he a danger to your kids ? If so, that’s your excuse, but otherwise I think he goes with you.

Sewingbeez · 28/05/2023 16:48

As a step mother myself I would say if you don’t want to take step kids on holidays then don’t get involved with someone who has kids.

Yellowdays · 28/05/2023 16:50

Agree with @Sewingbeez

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