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Original poster

Holiday with grown up step-children

38 replies

Gingerbray · 26/05/2023 10:55

Hi, please help with a bit of perspective, I'm wondering if I'm out of order. My husband says he doesnt want to go on holiday if my stepkids (19, 20, 24) arent offered a place.

For some background I was left some money by my uncle I wanted to use it to take our daughter (9) to Disney. We can afford for us 3 to go but couldn't include the older kids. We have been on lots of lovely family holidays before. Am I being unfair wanting to just go as a 3 this time?

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NosyHamster · 26/05/2023 10:57

Would the three step children even want to go, given their ages?

bibbityboppityboo · 26/05/2023 10:59

That's not unfair at all imo - it's a big deal to be paying for adults of that age too!

Perhaps they could pay for their own flights / Disney tickets? Would they even want to go?

Your DD doesn't need to miss out when they've had many more years of holiday than she has, and probably lots of lovely holidays with their mum too.

candlesflamesandbrooms · 26/05/2023 11:00

Oh lord you have mentioned the D word (people get Uber unreasonable about this especially when Disney is involved )

I would go alone with your Dd. He's free to invite DSC as long as he pays for them. They are adults and there's a big cost jump for taking adults to Disney opposed to a child.

If he's not paying then as far as I'm concerned he can swing. It's your money, it's not up to him if your footing the bill.

People will be along soon to act scandalous and suggest your hate your adult dsc for suggesting they don't come (even if your footing the bill).

God knows why people act like this with Disney but your DP is being a bit entitled here tbh

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 11:03

Is he offering to pay for them?

Thought not.

Your husband is being ridiculous, I'd take DD by myself or with your own mum/sister and enjoy yourselves.

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/05/2023 11:06

Personally think that's a bit weird...

I get sone people holiday with adult children, but it's not what we've done.

From 18 onwards they did they're own thing and both parties had the holidays they wanted.
They don't want to visit art galleries and I don't want to go clubbing in Ibiza!
It's part of growing up into their adult lives imo.

NosyHamster · 26/05/2023 12:46

Another potential case of the second family children missing out due to guilt over the first family children

aSofaNearYou · 26/05/2023 12:54

Totally ridiculous given their ages.

Maybe if you wait until next year so all three are officially in their 20s, he will see sense.

But I'd struggle to live with somebody who thought like this as and was going to make life difficult for me and our child.

CrotchetyQuaver · 26/05/2023 12:54

If he's for them out of HIS OWN MONEY not your family money, then all good. Otherwise no. But it's a shame if he spoils it for his youngest by not going along. I'd definitely take her though even if it's just the 2 of you without him.

CrotchetyQuaver · 26/05/2023 12:55

if he pays for them** that should have read

Original poster
Gingerbray · 26/05/2023 13:18

Thank you everyone, think I'm going to look at going with my Mum and DD. I understand he doesn't want to upset his kids and not being invited to Disney might upset them. I also don't feel like my littke one should miss out because of it. Thanks again for not making me feel unreasonable.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 26/05/2023 13:19

Gingerbray · 26/05/2023 13:18

Thank you everyone, think I'm going to look at going with my Mum and DD. I understand he doesn't want to upset his kids and not being invited to Disney might upset them. I also don't feel like my littke one should miss out because of it. Thanks again for not making me feel unreasonable.

Glad your mum is an option, that will no doubt be a wonderful memory for your DD!

RegainingTheWill2023 · 26/05/2023 13:36

Perfect solution!
If your uncle was your DM's brother then even more special.

caringcarer · 26/05/2023 13:44

Gingerbray · 26/05/2023 13:18

Thank you everyone, think I'm going to look at going with my Mum and DD. I understand he doesn't want to upset his kids and not being invited to Disney might upset them. I also don't feel like my littke one should miss out because of it. Thanks again for not making me feel unreasonable.

This will be a wonderful holiday for your DD and with her Nanny too to make it extra special. Your DH is being very unreasonable. If the DSC were young children I could see they might be upset but it would be highly unlikely a 24 year old would want to go to Disney with his Dad and SM. Your DSC could go on holiday together on their own. They are certainly old enough. Also your inheritance is for you to spend as you wish and you were generous to include DH only for him to expect you to find his adult children who are all over 18. It's up to your DH and his ex to help pay for holidays for their young adults, who really are old enough to get a job and save up like other teens can manage.

Newestname002 · 26/05/2023 14:33

Gingerbray · 26/05/2023 13:18

Thank you everyone, think I'm going to look at going with my Mum and DD. I understand he doesn't want to upset his kids and not being invited to Disney might upset them. I also don't feel like my littke one should miss out because of it. Thanks again for not making me feel unreasonable.

Good solution OP. Hope you all have a wonderful time. 🌹

alwaysmovingforwards · 26/05/2023 19:29

Gingerbray · 26/05/2023 13:18

Thank you everyone, think I'm going to look at going with my Mum and DD. I understand he doesn't want to upset his kids and not being invited to Disney might upset them. I also don't feel like my littke one should miss out because of it. Thanks again for not making me feel unreasonable.

But how would anyone over the age of about 16 yo and who is not entertaining impressionable young kids, be disappointed they weren't invited to fucking Disney?!?

GoodChat · 26/05/2023 19:32

Tell him his kids are welcome to join you - at their expense

Iloveacurry · 26/05/2023 19:35

They are adults! Your DH can go on holiday without them. It’s not like they’re children anymore. When does it stop? Just go with your mum.

Yousee · 27/05/2023 00:21

Another silly man guilt tripping himself out of the special moments in his youngest child's life.

AWhaleSwamBy · 27/05/2023 00:46

I don't think either of you are unreasonable.

Is this genuinely about money or would you prefer your stepkids not to be there?

Loads of adults love going to Disney and I don't think it would be surprising if your husbands kids wanted to go. It's also not unusual for adult kids to holiday with their parents. Mine do and I wouldn't change it for the world.

You say you have been on other holidays with you StepKids, would it be unusual for them not to come?
Going with your Mum seems like a good option but might your husband want to come too?
Could your husband pay for his kids?

Codlingmoths · 27/05/2023 00:54

I agree start making plans with your mum to go without him but try once more with him- tell him his older kids might say to their friends my dads new wife didn’t take us to Disneyland, I was 20 though, but your 9yo will remember the amazing Disney holiday that her dad refused to come on because she was never enough on her own to be worth it. I wonder who will be the most damaged by this, and have you just decided it’s ok for it to be her as she’s your extra child?

Godlovesall26 · 27/05/2023 02:10

I can’t imagine kids that age not understanding if there is a budget limitation for a child so much younger, if they did even wish to go to Disney. Presumably they’ve already been, or never had holidays, or assume that would have been brought up as a major factor by their dad. A normal reaction would be not to care and consider it ‘have fun kid’

OhcantthInkofaname · 27/05/2023 05:49

The cost for five adults and one child - would be triple the cost for just you three. (By the way if you go stay on site and get the dining plan.)

AWhaleSwamBy · 27/05/2023 06:18

Everyone seems to be assuming the Dad wants his older kids to go because of fairness but it might also be because kids can be brilliant fun at those ages. He might genuinely want them there because he thinks you will all have a better time with them there than without. His kids are at an age where they might soon be too busy with there own lives to take a holiday with each other and their Dad and little sister (and step mum 😁)
People seem to be seeing this in such a negative way.

CornishGem1975 · 27/05/2023 07:17

They're adults. I'd agree that they could come but they pay all costs for themselves. I'd say the same if it were my step children or my own children!

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/05/2023 07:24

Tell him you will pay for yourself and your child and he can pay for himself and his children.