Resent SC staying

[Room1]

Because their room is a fucking pigsty and I hate it, but I also don't want to be the one to deal with it and it just makes me despise them coming.

They are 14&12 and their room stinks, is constantly dark because they never open the blinds, plates left in there, rubbish from whatever junk they've eaten, beds unmade ect. I can't stand it.

I've long stopped trying to tidy it myself, I don't even change the bed sheets anymore because honestly why should I.

I've tried just keeping the rest of the house clean and tidy and leaving them to their hovel but it just winds me up that there is a room in my house getting ruined/dirty and even now a bit mouldy around the ceiling because the window is never opened.

That's the only reason I go in now, to open the window.

And to top it off the 14 year old seems to be wanting to come more than usual at the moment (50:50 already) so it feels never ending.

You can smell the room as soon as the door is opened its fucking gross.

DH is next to useless at getting them to tidy. He might tell them to bring plates and glasses down but that's about it. He's never expected them to actually clean/hoover/do a proper job of it. I used to in between their visits but I've stopped now because it's just taken for granted.

The filth level of their rooms is not normal, nor are the pile of plates.

The unopened curtains can be an issue at times here.

Your waster husband is the real issue.

I couldn't live with someone with so little respect for me, our home, himself.

He's an utter failure as a father/husband and lazy as hell.

The very least he should be doing is cleaning that room after them, doing their washing and sheets if he won't insist they do it.

Instead he sends them back to their mother with thr washing.

He's a lazy selfish waster.

You really are pissed at the wrong person.

@MeridianB there are studies showing that mothers of sons find their own sons smell repellant around 13/14. The theory is so that we won't breed with them. I know I could smell my sons hair within minutes if then washing. And their feet. Once they got a bit older it stopped being offensive.

@potatohead1 ohhh I didn't know this. Actually makes sense !

None of my DC's rooms were like this.

These threads often pop up where the new DW or DP is expected to step in and pick up the slack because the father doesn't and it is the DH or DP who is the real problem. However in a family, blended or otherwise, both adults need to back each other up.

However these men have already failed at least one marriage or relationship, how many times was that really the ex wife's fault? Were they ever an effective parent?

How much time does a new GF really spend finding out what parenting skills / style / approach this new man has before moving in and / or having a child with him?

How much did you know about your DH's parenting style, how long has this been going on?