I just want to be able to leave my house for a SIMPLE journey FFS!

[SimpleSimple]

My husband has a habit of basically anywhere we go, wanting to invite DSC. I get it for bigger things (although we do have them 50:50 and make sure to do things when they are here too) but it's even tiny silly things and everything then has to turn into a big thing of collecting, dropping off, waiting for them to finish X hobby before we can go or whatever. They live about a 10 minute drive away and providing they aren't out themselves doing something their mum is basically always fine for us to go and get them and take them out and drop them back off.

Anyway, we had a big of an argument last night because we went to collect our child from pre school at about 6pm and both agreed we'd not had the day for going home and cooking so we said how about a spontaneous McDonald's trip. We were just pulling out from preschool when he starts with the 'can I just ring ex and ask if DSC want to come' and I lost it (not shouting or anything) and said 'can we just go on a simple McDonalds trip without having to mess around picking up, dropping off, waiting for them to finish XYZ before we can go'. It's McDonald's for goodness sake, not a five star holiday.

It's not that we never go to McDonald's either, we do so it's not some massive treat that DSC never ever get.

I can't stand it. The feeling like we can't ever just nip out somewhere that might be considered even remotely good or fun or a treat without first ringing around, waiting, picking up, dropping off etc etc.

I want to be sympathetic because I know it must be hard not to see you children as much as you'd like but for goodness sake it just gets stupid. I'm then accused of not wanting to see them blah blah.

And before anyone asks, if my child was elsewhere for the night yes I absolutely would take my other child to McDonald's without waiting for or going to collect the other!

This is what I mean it wasn't done for you. It was done to make the adults feel good.

I would say check out the stately homes thread.

Some times adults realise they have done damage to their own children but fair to many of them focus on what makes them feel warm and fluffy with no regard to how the children feel 💐

Hope your ok now xxx

I just said I wouldn't bother with the Sunday roast for only 3 people either and would push it back to another week

How do you think people with 1 child get on? Or a single parent with 2 children? And no, not everyone is able to or even wants to invite people over to bump the numbers up. I never invite people for tea and only cook for for the people who live here. It’s me and 4 children so five of us, but even if I only had 1 child I’d still be making Sunday roasts.

You just make the amount you need for the amount of people you’re cooking for, surely? I don’t see why OP needs to wait for the dsc’s grand arrival.

@OnNaturesCourse

what would you do in this situation ?

@OnNaturesCourse

what if you had all the veg and meat etc in to cook a roast but then last minute one of your kids couldn’t come? Would you bin all the food and have beans on toast? 😂

@OnNaturesCourse was very active until I asked this so they are either writing the world’s longest post or they don’t know because considering the other family members feelings never crossed their mind. 🧐

Apologies. I was attending to my life outside of MN. 🙄

I wouldn't expect them to wait for hours on a Mcds, no.

As I have said in my previous posts... It should be a case of if DSC are free and want to go then they should be able to. If they are not free at the time then unfortunately they miss out.

In terms of my partner - if he was so tired after work that he couldn't wait the additional 25/30 mins it would take me to pick up all the children I help raise then he would be expected to make his own dinner arrangements, or have a snack to help.

In terms of my children - if they were so hungry that waiting an additional 25/30 minutes would simply be torture then I would suggest a small snack. But seriously, if your child is getting that hungry that they can't wait half an hour for a meal then a review of your parenting is probably needed.

I don't agree with the waiting around on DSC. I agree with always inviting them.

@OnNaturesCourse

but that’s exactly OP’s point isn’t it. They always do get invited to everything and that IS often leading to lots of waiting around, having to go pick them up, wait for them to finish whatever they are going, etc.

she and her kid just wanted a super quick and easy meal and to get off home! You know, to make life easier a bit! You should give a go! Also may be try eating whenever you want rather than standing on ceremony and waiting for the whole family to be present!

But seriously, if your child is getting that hungry that they can't wait half an hour for a meal then a review of your parenting is probably needed

Wow. That's amazing, that statement 😵‍💫 defo gonna be more people joining the stately homes thread 🙄

And I never said I disagreed with her annoyance at waiting around.

😂

Please do explain further... 🙄

I am assuming most children get hungry before dinner, or are we all prempting this and ensuring our darlings have food before their tummies could rumble?

Yeah it’s pretty clear that in @OnNaturesCourse ’s mind the step child’s needs trump everyone else’s.

“Just make your own dinner or have a snack.” which defeats the purpose of getting mcdonald’s. The point is to relax and not have to make anything.

“But seriously, if your child is getting that hungry that they can't wait half an hour for a meal then a review of your parenting is probably needed.”

Huh? This is a preschooler who has 1 hour between nursery pick up and bedtime. Of course a half hour wait has an impact!

our sanctimonious poster (and you are being sanctimonious) is missing several things:

1. this isn’t even invitation stuff. It’s grabbing a McDonalds on the way home.
2. the SC are with their mother. They are entitled to their time with her (and vice versa) without their father constantly asking for more
3. the child who must always wait to accommodate the SC (or just to know that they’re invited) will KNOW that they are never the priority.
4. That same child knows that the special arrangements and invitations are only for fun stuff. They get the boring bits.
5. organising two households to meet the emotional needs of one grown man is not healthy
6. people who don’t care about their partner’s needs or experience to the extent that they’d rather focus on other people (and the public display of being ‘kind’ and ‘good’) than their partner being tired and hungry are not good partners.

But seriously, if your child is getting that hungry that they can't wait half an hour for a meal then a review of your parenting is probably needed.

LOL. We’ve all been there with our kids who are starving and want food NOW. Don’t pretend you haven’t. Doesn’t have anything to do with parenting most of the time.
My kids are always ravenous after school and I bet OP’s tiny DC was hungry because they’d been at nursery and they needed their tea.

Only on a step thread does a mum get told to look at her parenting skills because her child is hungry and she doesn’t want to make her child wait any longer to eat than they need to.

So you’re saying that the children you have 30% of the time are an hours round journey from you?

In terms of my children - if they were so hungry that waiting an additional 25/30 minutes would simply be torture then I would suggest a small snack.

But OP shouldn’t have to do that. The dsc were with their mum so it should have been a simple immediate trip to McDonald’s to feed her hungry child. Not faff about with snacks while they wait for dsc’s presence.

Is this in the best interest of his children? I’d say it’s quite disruptive to their routine and therefore not ideal for their mental health.

This thread is bonkers

50:50 is hard so you should constantly badger your child’s other parent during their time with them.

Preschoolers can easily wait an hour for dinner.

It’s totally normal and healthy for 2 women and 3 children to organise their whole lives around the emotional needs of one man.

Wanting to get a quick meal for your tired child means you hate and resent your dsc.

In several years time the preschooler might want to have a McDonald’s with his brothers outwith the contact arrangement, ergo, after a long day when he is 3 he should be made to wait ages for a burger.

If your preschooler is hungry at dinner time then you need to review your parenting.

It’s pointless to cook and eat food you have and enjoy if other people aren’t there to also enjoy it. Just eat it next week instead. Have something else. Nothing that takes effort but also not a McDonalds.

Small joints are dry so people who know how to cook them shouldn’t bother.

As I always say, common flies out of the window when it comes to a man’s first children. Doesn’t matter that their school evening routine is being interrupted. It’s more important that they aren’t left out of this last minute trip to McDonald’s with their father. That will affect their mental health even more if they miss it. 🙄

@Zwicky i like that you’ve also captured the bonkers cooking advice in that list.

I am a bit torn, as he obviously misses his children and wants to involve them.
I am surprised their Mum is happy for him to take and drop them as he pleases.
I also get why it's annoying for you.

I don’t think YBU. I have a 50:50 agreement with my DC’s dad. Of course I love having them extra if he is working and can’t have them one day, but I don’t feel the need to invite them to everything either. He’s BU. For a day out I could understand him wanting to invite them. But a bit of fast food! He obviously feels guilty and is now shifting blame onto you (“you don’t want to spend time with them”). But you just need to be clear that it isn’t them. It’s the spontaneity and the resulting faffing because they’re not ready and weren’t expecting the invite which is the problem.

If it were me, I'd been enraged that I couldn't do anything without him including the family he left.
Why doesn't your DH have his other two children all the time and his ex can pick them up when she wants to see them. After all, if she's ok with their dad picking them up at random times and hanging about for them, then it shouldn't be a problem him having them 24/7 so to speak.
I wouldn't have stuck it so far as you OP. I'd have put my foot down long ago after all, you didn't take them on 24/7 but you might as well have. His life seems to centre around his older children regardless of you wanting to do the small stuff without the endless fuss. I'd have told him to drop me at home and take the others to McDs but bring me a Maccies when he's dropped them back home.

How do you know he 'left' out of curiosity?

@Franxx68
Correct, I don't know who left whom but whoever did whatever, he and she parted. His 'guilt' should not IMHO, impinge on his new relationship.
The term 'left' meant that he left the marriage... just as his ex did.