I just want to be able to leave my house for a SIMPLE journey FFS!

[SimpleSimple]

My husband has a habit of basically anywhere we go, wanting to invite DSC. I get it for bigger things (although we do have them 50:50 and make sure to do things when they are here too) but it's even tiny silly things and everything then has to turn into a big thing of collecting, dropping off, waiting for them to finish X hobby before we can go or whatever. They live about a 10 minute drive away and providing they aren't out themselves doing something their mum is basically always fine for us to go and get them and take them out and drop them back off.

Anyway, we had a big of an argument last night because we went to collect our child from pre school at about 6pm and both agreed we'd not had the day for going home and cooking so we said how about a spontaneous McDonald's trip. We were just pulling out from preschool when he starts with the 'can I just ring ex and ask if DSC want to come' and I lost it (not shouting or anything) and said 'can we just go on a simple McDonalds trip without having to mess around picking up, dropping off, waiting for them to finish XYZ before we can go'. It's McDonald's for goodness sake, not a five star holiday.

It's not that we never go to McDonald's either, we do so it's not some massive treat that DSC never ever get.

I can't stand it. The feeling like we can't ever just nip out somewhere that might be considered even remotely good or fun or a treat without first ringing around, waiting, picking up, dropping off etc etc.

I want to be sympathetic because I know it must be hard not to see you children as much as you'd like but for goodness sake it just gets stupid. I'm then accused of not wanting to see them blah blah.

And before anyone asks, if my child was elsewhere for the night yes I absolutely would take my other child to McDonald's without waiting for or going to collect the other!

As for the Sunday roast or similar... I don't see the issue with not having it one week so they can have it another week to include everyone?

Whatever next....'oh I'm giving our child Nutella on toast for breakfast, let's see if the SC's want to come over though before you take a bite because otherwise it's just not fair'

Complete and utter madness!

This. 100% this.

50/50 is not the norm.

End of the day its HIS children and the decisions on how he wants to parent them while separated from their mother is down to HIM and his ex. Ultimately if OP doesn't like it she needs to address it with him but I wouldn't expect him to change.

@OnNaturesCourse it’s not that I think he’sa terrible father. I think it’s clear through his actions that he is a very loving, compassionate caring father. But he is short sighted and he is harming the rest of his family in the process and causing stress for his current wife and that’s the problem here. And I can tell through your post that you are a very caring (not sure if you are male or female) parent. I’m not sure if you are married or not. If you’re married who knows? Maybe that works for your marriage! But it’s clearly not working for OP and she has tried communicating that to him and he’s not listening and that is where the issue lies here.

But for what it’s worth

divorced for 6 years
amicable (he’s coming over for coffee this afternoon to meet new kitten. Children will still be at school!)
no step kids (thank god)
neither in a relationship (him because work alcoholic, me because… just don’t fancy it until kids older)

I think there is an element of control going on. Everything has to be done on his terms. Maybe ex realised this and that is why she agrees for him to have the children whenever he calls.
Interested to see what happens if she ever said no a few times in a row

Also calling ex means he gets to locate where she is, stop what she is doing to make the children available.

If his eldest is 12 they should have their own phone to communicate with their father. At this stage he shouldn’t be in contact with his ex.

Something isn’t right about the whole set up.

For those saying he is such a great father wanting to see his children as much as possible. (At the expense of their mother)
what about being a great father to his 3rd child
Do great fathers tell a child they aren’t worth cooking for or get a McDonald’s without your step siblings being around is an awful realisation.

I don't have step children but I do have other children that I have parent responsibilities over about 30% of the time.

Are they partner’s children?

No but I am responsible for them. I took on care responsibilities when their parents couldn't any more. They are between me and their other guardians.

I also second that you're completely off your head.

It's MAC DONALD'S FFS!

P.s. you don't even have step children so why on this board?

i third it to be honest

as a stepchild who usually takes the side of step kids; it’s nuts

Because it was on the home board, the OP was asking for opinions... I clicked on it and gave my opinion. FFS.

I confess I am not a step parent either. The thread was trending and I clicked because the title looked interesting. It’s probably drawn in a lot of people who aren’t step parents now.

It’s not mcD’s off the cuff. Off the cuff would be maybe once every one or two months. It’s mcd’s every single time they agree to order it out.

OnNaturesCourse

So what you are saying is that none of your own children can ever get anything or go anywhere unless other children are there.

Whilst you are playing the part of super fare parent. I can guarantee that one or all of your children resents you for it.
Never on their own being good enough to cook a Sunday dinner for or to go anywhere on their own with you.

You can ask them are they ok with this set up and they will reply they are because they know if they said they weren’t you would then go into a long speech about why you feel justified doing what you are doing and nothing would change.

No I am not saying that 😂

I am saying all the children are always invited. If one says no then I just take the others.

I just said I wouldn't bother with the Sunday roast for only 3 people either and would push it back to another week.

Absolutely loving how most people think my children resent me for inviting everyone.

Thankfully for me and my DC, I don’t have stepchildren. Not anymore anyway. I couldn’t be doing with any of this sort of nonsense in our lives where we can’t just quickly nip for a quick McDonald’s without it being unfair on dsc. Also couldn’t be doing with my DC not being worthy of a nice Sunday roast unless dsc are there.

Christ, my DP & I cook a roast dinner for just us two plenty of times when we don't have DSD, and we don't have a shared child. Does this make me a terribly wicked step-mother then 😂

As someone who grew up in a blended family.

100% this

@OnNaturesCourse I’m not trying to be unkind but I’m going to cut straight to the one point that you’ve been conveniently ignoring here.

If your spouse (hypothetical or real) had a very long day at work, was suffering, felt stressed or was having a very bad day would you insist that they wait hours to eat a quick meal like mcdonald’s? And if you knew it was hurting your marriage would you continue this behaviour?

If you had kids with this spouse and you knew it was hurting their feelings and making them feel second in importance to the children with the previous marriage would you continue?

How would you handle these matters? I think it’s important that you tackle these matters if you are going to continue to justify this lifestyle.

My mother would say this, that is why it hit a nerve.

In the end I walked away. She never ever did get it. My sister also went NC with her.

To most people she looked like a fantastic mother with as I got older a resentful child
Only one person ever questioned why she could never do anything with me without inviting everyone.

The fact you change days out so everyone is included speaks volumes.
Why do you change the date to fit in with everyone else’s plans

hourbyhour101

I grew up in an extended family and whilst all my cousins, aunties and uncles were invited out for a day out when my mother was planning the day. (Never got invited out by the aunties and uncles when they took their children.)
By the time my mother had taken account of what everyone else wanted it was never what I wanted. Eg a day out at the Zoo became a day out in some seedy tourist resort playing the slot machines and shivering on some beach because it was permanently chilly. I would be miserable and all day all the adults would be calling me ungrateful because other children would love to be at the seaside.

presumably you all live very close to one another… otherwise the logistics must be horrendous!