CMS

[gonnabeyou]

My husband and I are planning a move that takes us quite a distance from his children from his previous marriage, he has an 8yo and an 11yo.
The distance to travel back to collect them with toll costs and fuel works out as £200 per trip. Ie there and back twice.
He pays CMS just now on the basis that he has them overnight one night a fortnight (he has them way more but just not overnight) he pays his ex about £500 per week, this was worked out between them and never done through courts.
My husband is very keen for the move but I just don't think it's financially possible if he wants to carry on seeing them regularly.
If he wants to see them once a month that's an extra 5 grand a year! On top of the 6 he already pays. Exw doesn't do any pick up and drop offs at the moment.
My question, which I'm sure will be unpopular is, can he drop CMS because of the extra costs? If so is there a formula to work out how much less he'd pay to take into account the traveling costs, I'm sure they don't want to go through courts to work this out but equally I think CMS will have to drop if he wants to see them, we are not well off financially.
Please no nasty messages about how we should stay put if we care, it's been a hard decision for various reasons

@pillsthrillsandbellyache totally agree. Absolute bollox.

Not necessarily. He might be horrifically injured and unable

Like what? Claiming benefits? Sure yes I agree he should claim whatever benefits he is able to.

@moonspiral what's with you and the creating fictional scenarios and catastrophising? 🤣🤣🤣 The man currently has his kids for tea in the evening, he's not horrifically injured or unable 🤯 Are you The Man??? 🤣

He might be, but he isn’t. The father we are talking about could get a stable job if he chose to. If he can get free lance work then he isn’t unemployable.

He is making an active choice that is detrimental to his children and their mother. That doesn’t make him worthy of the same concessions he’d deserve if he were in a coma.

He's found a job

Benefits, loans, he can sell his soul to the devil for all I care. The world doesn't stop and children don't stop needing to be supported. What I wouldn't do to make sure my kids didn't go without. I'm a mother though so that just comes naturally.

He is moving to take up a job. Does that count?

@moonspiral you crack me up! 🤣 it doesn't matter if 'he's found a job' or 'he's moving to take up a job'. His children are at a disadvantage because of it so no, it doesn't count!

I'm taking bets on moonspiral being the father... who wants in? I'm offering pretty crap odds though 🤣🤣🤣

What job is special enough to move so far away from your kids

What will be the child care arrangements when he goes.

Absolutely no to mum doing some of the travelling or subsidising the travel on top of the child care she now has to arrange

But it isn't better for the child.

an unreliable income, so times without money for children, and they dont get to ser their dad as much?

the children will vet a terrible deal with this new ‘job’.

what job do you do? Surely there are jobs near where you both live now for him.

100% this.

What an asshole

Why on earth would he want to move so far from his DC? He needs to check the maintenance payment calculator. My thoughts are if he chooses to move so far away from the ex and his DC they should not be penalised. He will have to do all the travelling and still pay CMS.

@hourbyhour101 he is paying £500 per month not per week. OP said £6k per year.

He knows that the chances he will be seeing his kids at all in 2 years are minimal doesn’t he?? They won’t want to travel that far so often.

Id rethink the whole decision. If cms had previously been assessed at 500 per month he must be capable of earning a good amount. Is there really nothing closer?

I'm not the father don't be silly.

Yes they are at disadvantage from situation now but situation now involves his mum paying which is not sustainable.

Ps. I can do emoji to 😄 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄

I'm a stepmum myself and I was speaking figuratively. Of course I know that OP has no financial responsibility here 😒

That being said, I don't agree she should be encouraging such a drop in money and contact for her husbands children from his previous relationship.

Ok, no ifs or buts barring DEATH OR COMA. If a father is too ill to work then I expect him to do whatever it takes to support his children. Like a mother would have to!

Whilst I broadly agree (and I haven't received any maintenance from my ex in nearly 15 years now), it's really important to recognise that when you are the PWC you have an entitlement to benefits that help support children which the NRP doesn't have. So if a PWC is ill or becomes disabled or otherwise able to work, he/she is able to claim benefits and have some standard of living, even if not great. It seems this gets forgotten when demanding that NRPs step up no matter what. Benefits for a single person are dreadful and if part of a couple, may even be non-existent (depending on the income of the other person). There is no 'doing whatever it takes' in that situation other than paying the small amount taken at source.

Yet another deadbeat with a woman supporting it.

I despair.

Wow... Not allowed to more than one overnight which means max maintenance, but he has them after school for dinner every day, which means no childcare or dinner costs for mum... This arrangement sounds like a pisstake tbh.

It sounds like he is moving away in order to work to continue to pay maintenance (which he doesn't need to pay while unemployed) but this now means he won't get to see his kids anywhere near as much.

This and the original maintenance/childcare arrangement make me think he needs to stand up for himself and start thinking about the relationship he wants with his children, rather than what his ex wants! Surely it would be difficult for him to work normal hours with the after school childcare arrangement? All very well the mum saying the kids need a routine, but surely that routine and wanting money aren't worth dad moving away.

When you look at the fact he has been looking after the kids most days of the week, and has been told to continue to pay maintenance even though he is not working and getting in debt because of it, and now having to move away in order to continue to afford to pay... I don't really think he sounds like an asshole, sounds like an absolutely awful situation to be in.

I think this is the issue. Honestly I think the fact he is seeing them and feeding them most days is quite a big contribution anyway. The fact that he has one fortnightly overnight and pays accordingly is pretty ridiculous in this case, as he is seeing them so much in-between and incurring just as many costs as if they were staying overnight a lot more. I think he should go for the unemployed level of maintenance until he can get a job nearby. I think it's more important than he continues to see his kids, than that he does everything his ex wants.

Poster talking about dm making cuts and feeding them sub par food... He is feeding them their main meal most days already! We don't have any idea of what mum's financial situation is, but we do know she doesn't feed them dinner 5 nights a week, or pay for childcare, so she's not exactly overburdened!

Option seems to be either he can provide financially for them at a hit to the emotional support or he stays and they get no financial support...which one do you reckon mums going to choose if she could

Ah yes, all those nasty money grabbing exsxwho just want the father as far-away as possible....

Can't speak for everyone but my children enjoyed an excellent relationship with their father when they were young, despite his absolute lack of financial contribution. Where it all went wrong was the teen years where if you persist in treating intelligent beings like idiots through lies, lies and more lies, they tend to move away from you.

That they enjoyed that relationship for as long as they did doesn't make it right that I had to support 3 children single-handedly.