DH feeding step DC rubbish

[Inathedeepend666]

Good day to you all. I’m brand new to all this (1.3 years with DC now) I won’t go into great detail at it’ll take all day but short version

separation of LOML from DH (not married) , kicked out. Moved in with me. All good on separation front ish but 1.3 years ago DH gets busted for drugs. DC’s care in question so they move in with us. rightly so!!

one DC is grossly overweight And knows it at. 7 yrs old. Eats so so well with us but DH has a favourite out of both DCs and treats one better. Feeds rubbish to both of them to the point of them feeling quite ill when they return.
want to sort out what DH does without making this personal, the DH is a DH. Very bad really, drink driving, drugs, weed, tax evasion the usual suspects.

mum wants to look after DC better and serve their health. What can we do.

dare I say my suggestion is words but I can’t intervene as I’ma bystander- believe me i want to but I’ll make it worse and I don’t want to alienate anyone followed by court and inundation against DH for neglect. Get there officials to get him to toe the line.

any help and guidance directed. more info can be given on the circumstances

A weekend off??

Clearly neither parent has their priorities right here.

He drink drives with them in his care and you say he takes drugs around them.

Yet you want to keep him on side and be fair to him. You don't want to be the bad guys.

All sounds quite cowardly to me, to be honest.

Sit and wait patiently for what, exactly? A house fire while he's stoned? A car crash when he's drunk? Diabetes?

glad you bring that up.

done that already. In fact the social didn’t even do anything when he was reported for and I quote “ punching an * yr old in the chest” at the park (his son) by a bloke walking his dog. Police spoke to him, social spoke with us and investigated abuse from all parents angles. Didn’t make any connection to his drinking and drugs conviction. Didn’t even realise he had one as they didn’t speak to police.

so forgive me if I don’t run to the social and ask for their amazing assistance in this matter and forgive if I disregard you uneducated remark that is so over the top that the LOML is facilitating the abuse.

in this case your dammed if you do and damned if you don’t. balance is the key here / respect that.

At 7 you can teach him about healthy eating and restrict his diet when he’s with you. If he’s with you eleven days a fortnight then you and his mum are mostly responsible. Stop giving him kids’ treats for a start.

can people focus ?? Guidance not judgement!!!

Everything is delivered with refreshingly honest insights, hard-won wisdom, and jokes for the times when it’s a toss-up between cackling hysterically and bursting into tears.

This is what this site is about - however this post sends to have deteriorated quickly into judge jury and executioner ….

thanks for your insight .

Ok more info- I and my partner are members of slimming world, have been for 5 yrs . We are target members so I don’t need to. Explain any further. He gets great advice but he’s 7.

he eats tomatoes and grapes like they are going out of fashion so please don’t make that statement. He loses weight with us but if he’s putting it on faster in 3 days then you’re on a loser straight away. You clearly may never have dieted or watched weight patterning. Losing it is harder than gaining it !!

i know you think that 11 days of eating sensibly vs 3 days of grease and fat will balance out but you can’t outrun a bad diet like that. It’s worse cos your body reacts violently with it. Mood swings, fat retention. It’s like having an eating disorder. In fact I’d say you’re going to create an eating disorder.

Hiya.

Whilst you wait for the courts to grind through their processes, you and the love of your life can work on improving the diet and exercise when the child/ren is/are with you. Lots of modelling healthy choices, regular exercise, getting outside more (the changing of the seasons will help here).

A short term aim would be for the child/ren to not gain more weight - as I said earlier, get them to the GP for accurate baseline weight and height and get in the system for referral to the right team.

oh sorry, x post re slimming world.

Do you eat those muller light yoghurts and the branded foods?

Yes a weekend off . Thanks for your judgement.

You clearly have never lived during covid for 8 months in a hotel, travelled 100 miles a day to see kids that are with an irresponsible parent, worked tirelessly in one full time job 6-6pm then driven for 8 hours delivering covid samples to the nhs whilst simultaneously keeping your head above water, your new partners head above water, a 16 yr olds head above water WHO is sofa surfing due to no fixed abode and then come out the other side only to provide a roof over the head of two further kids who can’t be looked after by someone who can’t even go a day without drink or weed.

So please don’t lecture my ass on priorities.

Cowardly ??? Well when you’ve done the above and served your country for 23 years as well then drop me a line and I’ll you can come and meet a cowardly man.

when you’ve walked a mile in my shoes I’ll let you say that. Until then I suggest you think first before making statements like that.

In fact- this mums net seems like just a cowardly escape for most people to just judge others. It’s not a help at all.

For those that had clear positive intent I thank you.

The remainder- goodbye

if I can sort the last three years out then I wonder why I even asked for any help on the above. This will be a breeze.

I think there's a lot going on here.

11 days out of 14 should be enough to have a major impact on diet and overall health. He needs whole foods, a balanced diet and as much physical activity as he can manage.

He also needs therapy support to adjust to having 2 different homes with vastly different attitudes to life. Ultimately you can not change the dads behaviour and you can't get rid of him. The child has a right to know him. BUT the child also has a right to form a valid opinion and be supported to see that he's not an angel. You're probably not the right person to do that.

You're right that this situation has eating disorder all over it. In fact he probably already has one - binge eating at his dads etc. You need to seek professional support.

If your DH is on drugs why are you with him?

Ah sorry my bad

I'd go to social services

The kid has not gotten to the weight you say by seeing his dad a few times a month. The mother needs to take some responsibility. How long has she been away from her ex? Was the child a normal weight when she left him?

7lbs in 3 days. Somethings not adding up.

Ultimately there's not a lot you can do. You can't control how the other parent parents, regardless of whether you think it's wrong or not. As infuriating as it may you just need to suck it up and do your best for the DC while they're with you.

I am never one of these types of MNers: full of assumptions and negativity… but I am aghast at what you think is appropriate for two children that you have known for less than 2 years.

You are obsessive about these children’s diets. 11 days out of 14 is not a drop in the ocean. If the children are still fat, it is because they are secretly eating in your girlfriend’s care too. And they’re doing it because you’re encouraging an unhealthy relationship with food.
Clearly, given that you are connected via Slimming World, weight loss and calorie restriction plays a major part in your relationship.

Perhaps you are their provider and you think you’re more of a father to them than their father is. A lot of men that take up with someone else’s kids feel that way. But the truth is that you hardly know them.

You don’t talk at all about the children’s thoughts and feelings in all of this. They are an expense. A thing to be fought over. A badge of honour. An embarrassment. Just a couple of tubs of lard that can’t even walk right. Seems to evade you all together that they are people.

I don’t know what the answer is, but it does lie at the bottom of a cafcass investigation, I’m afraid. Your distrust of court is also weird.

I suspect it is to do with you wanting this man cut out 100%, when in fact, provided that they can find a safe and regular way for him to maintain contact, the courts will do so. As this really is in the best interests of your girlfriend’s children.

The children need to be given the opportunity to explore a relationship with their other parent, in a safe environment. There are a plethora of ways that this can be achieved. Certainly the courts need to be made aware that they are not currently seeing him in a safe environment, as you suspect he is driving them around whilst over the limit.

To reiterate, I think your obsession with the weight of these children is very unusual, very triggering and actually might be within the eating disorder territory. For this reason, I’m flagging your post with Mumsnet.

The hell am I reading 😣

Druggie dad makes the kids fat in 6 days a month that he has them?

a) There is no such thing as a weekend "off", shes a parent.
b) Stop sending children to unsuitable carers

So what do you think the consequences would be if you stopped the kids seeing a drunk driving drug user?

and how do you explain their obesity on a man that sees them 6 days/28

instead you send them to a dangerous situation and blame 100% of their diet on him even though they spend only 20% of their time with him.

why don’t you protect your SC from him if he’s that bad?

it reads like you might have some issues with self reflection and accepting responsibility.

it’s irrational to complain about abuse that you’re willing sending children into

you’re an adult. Make a different choice.

You seem very self-absorbed
which seems to be the root of your thread.

all you seem to care about is what the kids look like and how much you provide for them.

it’s clearly not about them. It’s about you.