Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

359 replies

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:18

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Phos · 18/03/2023 18:53

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:41

But why should OP change her plans and pay extra to do so just to appease her DH ex, who by the sounds of it has had her way a fair bit?

Because @Laurdo it's not about the ex, it's about op's dc having their father there on this once in a lifetime holiday, and op being able to share the memories with him and also about dss being part of this trip.
It's not ideal, I'm not saying it is and I agree with you that ex seems to get her own way a lot, but by refusing to even consider changing the dates because it means the ex gets her own way seems a bit childish to me. (Not saying that's what your doing op, I know there are costs involved too)

Also op if you do book for May it might be worth holding off to see if they are doing and dining plans/deals, as I said previously go to the dibb website and have a look around, the posters there are very knowledgeable and might know if something is in the works that might save money.

But he's made it clear he doesn't give a flying one about sharing the memories with them. It's all about his older kid.

Aweebitpainful · 18/03/2023 18:54

I would be pissed off too

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:56

aSofaNearYou · 18/03/2023 18:51

Because @Laurdo it's not about the ex, it's about op's dc having their father there on this once in a lifetime holiday, and op being able to share the memories with him and also about dss being part of this trip.

Tbh I'd consider this viewpoint if my DH was actually going to be hands on and spend time with us if he came. But I wouldn't make the trip harder and worse for everyone else dealing with overheating, moany, possibly faint and sickly small kids in much longer queues, if he wasn't even going to be around to help because he was off with DSS the whole time. What would be the point?

Yes I would agree with this and only consider august on the explicit understanding that DH spent whatever time op deems reasonable with them not just off with DSS.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 18:57

Which considering his previous behaviour, he isn't going to do.

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:58

@Phos I'm not sure that's completely fair to say, it can be really hard for kids to be left behind whilst dad goes of with his new family on a holiday, I think the DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 18:59

Say OP rearranges for August; she’s then going to be compromising AND dealing with the two small DC alone.

If she just goes with her Mum she’ll have hands on help and go when it actually suits her.

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 18:59

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:58

@Phos I'm not sure that's completely fair to say, it can be really hard for kids to be left behind whilst dad goes of with his new family on a holiday, I think the DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

That’s for his Mum to explain to him.

KeeperSweeper · 18/03/2023 19:02

Take your mum. Don't let DH ex ruin this for you.

Too far, and you have to book in August? Which is it!? Does it suddenly become closer in August?

You gave him a chance to join and DH ex blocked it. End of.

Shame your DH has decided to be annoying about it. But I guess it's your mum's lucky day!

Hope you have a brilliant time, and don't worry about ex one moment more.

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:04

Would all of you saying DH is in the wrong be prepared to bring your six and four-year old children to Disney while leaving your ten-year old at home?
Because I'm with DH, there is no way I could do that. I wonder if OP really could, if roles were reversed. Would she leave her eldest child at home from Disney?

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 19:05

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:04

Would all of you saying DH is in the wrong be prepared to bring your six and four-year old children to Disney while leaving your ten-year old at home?
Because I'm with DH, there is no way I could do that. I wonder if OP really could, if roles were reversed. Would she leave her eldest child at home from Disney?

It’s an entirely different scenario in a blended family. They are with their other parent, not left to forage in bins.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 19:06

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:04

Would all of you saying DH is in the wrong be prepared to bring your six and four-year old children to Disney while leaving your ten-year old at home?
Because I'm with DH, there is no way I could do that. I wonder if OP really could, if roles were reversed. Would she leave her eldest child at home from Disney?

Op lives with her children full time, her DH doesn't. If he doesn't go, he will literally be sat at home, alone, for all but two days.

aSofaNearYou · 18/03/2023 19:06

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:04

Would all of you saying DH is in the wrong be prepared to bring your six and four-year old children to Disney while leaving your ten-year old at home?
Because I'm with DH, there is no way I could do that. I wonder if OP really could, if roles were reversed. Would she leave her eldest child at home from Disney?

I don't think many people are saying he's unreasonable to not go. Most are saying just go with your mum because he makes trips miserable and purely about DSS when he DOES go.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 19:09

I think he is a bit unreasonable not to go, he doesn't care about spending time with his younger kids, does he? I get not wanting to leave the eldest out, but that's not what this is. Op has offered to take the eldest, it's his mother who has said no.

Like I say I bet he'd go away with dss alone with no guilt.

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:12

I think lots are saying he's unreasonable too.
If OP had a elder child who lived with her ex-partner some of the time - would she leave that child with ex while she was at Disney with younger children? If ex had objected to tìmings etc. That's what I'm asking, not in any way related to a child being left to forage in bins 🙄

Phos · 18/03/2023 19:14

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:58

@Phos I'm not sure that's completely fair to say, it can be really hard for kids to be left behind whilst dad goes of with his new family on a holiday, I think the DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

OP has explained that DH largely wants DSS to come so they can go off on their own.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 19:14

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:12

I think lots are saying he's unreasonable too.
If OP had a elder child who lived with her ex-partner some of the time - would she leave that child with ex while she was at Disney with younger children? If ex had objected to tìmings etc. That's what I'm asking, not in any way related to a child being left to forage in bins 🙄

No, because this is ops dream. Her husband couldn't care less! He's made 0 effort to take his son to Disney, has he?

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:14

All I'm saying really is to maybe try to understand where her DH is coming from instead of getting so annoyed with him. I think he's in an impossible position.

Dressinggownday · 18/03/2023 19:16

Phos · 18/03/2023 19:14

OP has explained that DH largely wants DSS to come so they can go off on their own.

Show quote history

I think that's bending what she said a bit.

hourbyhour101 · 18/03/2023 19:20

I thought this thread not the usual shit storm Disney provokes on here but it looks like the usual comments have appeared but just 5 pages in.

So (prepares to be flamed) I took my Dd5 and left not only my DSD 14 but also my son (under 1 years old at the time)at home to go to Disney with Dd and my mum.

Mum went bananas at my DH (who was home alone with our DS). It didn't appease her that DH wasn't with us or that I had left my DS at home or that I had paid it all entirely by myself. She felt that I should have taken DSD as well (but not in school time) and I was taking Dd before she starts school to take advantage of price ect.

DSD being a teen and having asd told her mother that I had asked her and she had declined as she had been to Disney 4 times and didn't fancy a 5th trip.

This didn't stop mum sending me some nasty messages of which I sent her a selfie of me and Dd by the magic castle because she wasn't annoyed her own Dd didn't want to come or was missing out.
She was annoyed that after years of dictating when and where we went on holiday. I had the audacity to take my own daughter to Disneyland by myself and not consult (be controlled by) her.

And I didn't take my DS because he was fair fair to young and sickly to take to Disneyland. But we will go in the future when he's old enough to enjoy it.

Op your DH seems to be missing a spine as he's more happy to upset his current wife than his ex, missing the fact that if he doesn't buck up his ideas he also might be getting a second ex wife...

FixItUpChappie · 18/03/2023 19:21

I think the relationship sounds dubious if your DH knows this is very important to you but wont make it work because he's not fussed and unable to set boundaries with this ex-wife.

I feel sorry for your DSS, it a shame for him to miss out because his parents are bellends. I feel for OP because it is marring something special to her.

As an aside, I did think someone recommendation of a Disney Paris trip for kids OP's age was good. They are not old enough to register the difference between the parks. I would not take a 4 and 6yr old to Disney Florida personally. IMO they are too young to get much out of it in relation to the extreme cost. We took our 9+10yr old and were so grateful that they were old enough to go on everything, stand in line nicely and were also still SO excited about everything - they could remember it and really appreciate the experience. Also I would not be tempted to have my DH come for one week then leave me alone for a week with 2 young children - the whole thing would be much more enjoyable with 2 engaged adults.

That has nothing to do with OP's DH being disappointing though.

hourbyhour101 · 18/03/2023 19:22

Far far**

MelchiorsMistress · 18/03/2023 19:34

I’ve been to Florida in august a couple of times and it’s fine. You are making a bigger deal out of the date than it needs to be, and you are being selfish if you think your chosen perfect date is more important than your husbands older child.

Your DH is doing exactly the right thing by only going if all his children can go and you really don’t have valid reason to be angry with him.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 19:37

MelchiorsMistress · 18/03/2023 19:34

I’ve been to Florida in august a couple of times and it’s fine. You are making a bigger deal out of the date than it needs to be, and you are being selfish if you think your chosen perfect date is more important than your husbands older child.

Your DH is doing exactly the right thing by only going if all his children can go and you really don’t have valid reason to be angry with him.

So because you think it's fine, op is unreasonable? Plenty of others think it's not fine, and have said that.

Snugglemonkey · 18/03/2023 19:54

Go with your mum or by yourself. It was never going to be a family time together thing anyway if they were going off to do the big rides.

lifechanginglemoncake · 18/03/2023 19:58

Not sure if this is a ridiculous thing to suggest but could DH and DSS just go for a week while you stay on for the second week with your two DS and your mum joins you?