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Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

359 replies

thegoodpart0 · 18/03/2023 13:18

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

OP posts:
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pettysquabbles · 18/03/2023 18:12

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 14:37

I still can't see a problem with all of you going in August.

Hotter, busier, more expensive......

YaWeeFurryBastard · 18/03/2023 18:13

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 18:08

But op isn't being awkward about dates, and the fact is she's paying, why should a woman who is contributing absolutely nothing to this decide when they should go?

Because there are three children in the family, one of them is unavailable due to school, the trip should be moved so all children of the family can go. It’s not rocket science.

Would it be ok for a stepdad to exclude the woman’s child from a previous relationship because “he’s paying”? I don’t think so

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 18:13

pettysquabbles · 18/03/2023 18:12

Hotter, busier, more expensive......

But they could all go together which is the main thing.

caringcarer · 18/03/2023 18:13

This will be a lovely treat for your Mum and boys and will repay her for all the school drop offs she does for you. If your DH wants to cut off his nose to spite his face that is his choice. Better he stay home than go and whinge and whine about missing his other son for whol we holiday and spoil it to for you and your son's. You can make wonderful memories with your Mum.

snowlady4 · 18/03/2023 18:14

Has this conversation/decision just happened?
If so, I would do nothing for now. I expect he will mull it over and realise he doesn't want himself or his child to miss out on such a special holiday.
I agree that May is a better time to go- I went last May it was HOT at 34 most days- I can't imagine what it would be like in August- especially traipsing around parks with kids/husband/mother in tow!
I would continue planning and hopefully they will come around. It really is a special holiday it would be nice if you could all go. Bring your mother aswell- the more the merrier!
I hope dss mother comes round to letting him go. I certainly wouldn't change plans- especially as May will be much more tolerable than August. Would she be more flexible if you invited her along? (If not too weird?- and hopefully she says no anyway!)
The Dibb is a brilliant website with loads of planning tips/ideas/,itineraries if you don't know it already.
Don't give up on your dream trip- you've worked your arse off to save up for it- enjoy every second!

cocog · 18/03/2023 18:14

Go with your mum and have an amazing time if he moans about this he can save to pay next time for dss and himself august is to hot for little ones there

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 18:14

YaWeeFurryBastard · 18/03/2023 18:13

Because there are three children in the family, one of them is unavailable due to school, the trip should be moved so all children of the family can go. It’s not rocket science.

Would it be ok for a stepdad to exclude the woman’s child from a previous relationship because “he’s paying”? I don’t think so

If they didn't live with them, visited eow and didn't have any actual interest in this holiday or any other, yeah of course it would be okay. It doesn't make a difference what sex the step parent is.

Laurdo · 18/03/2023 18:16

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:00

I know a few posters on here have said don't go in august, but many thousands of people do go in august and enjoy it.
I used to go to Florida every Easter, Summer and October for about 15 years. We often did Disney and it was never really an issue in August for us, but I do understand everyone is different. So all I'm saying really is if there was a compromise to be made then don't write August off just yet, give it some thought.
Maybe go to the dibb website and read through some of the august threads there, speak to people who go every summer and see what they say.

But why should OP change her plans and pay extra to do so just to appease her DH ex, who by the sounds of it has had her way a fair bit?

Phos · 18/03/2023 18:18

Go with your mum. He's set his stall out. He doesn't care about seeing the magic on the younger kids faces. Is he like this all the time, prioritising the older one?

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 18:18

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 18:13

But they could all go together which is the main thing.

The main thing for who? DSS’ Mum? Not for OP who has saved for and planned this trip. Be a cold day in hell when my DSS’ Mum got to plan my trips for me.

Dinersaur · 18/03/2023 18:19

Take your Mam. But tbh I'd wait until they were maybe 8 and 6.

gumball37 · 18/03/2023 18:21

100% take your mom. Have a great time!

funinthesun19 · 18/03/2023 18:22

I feel like texting his ex asking her is she going to pay the extra for us to go in august 🤬

Nah she will probably love that. Don’t text her. Don’t give her voice.

Just quietly book your holiday for when you want and she will find out in due course that you booked it without her blessing or input. Hopefully it will get to her that you’re just going with your kids and your mum because although she doesn’t want DSS going so far away from her, it will still sting.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 18/03/2023 18:25

Go with your mum, it'll piss her off even more. Grin

Kune · 18/03/2023 18:27

It's no 'a bit hotter' in August. It's absolutely miserably boiling with a chance of hurricanes. Absolutely not would I be moving the holiday to August especially with a 4 year old in tow. Tbf I would wait until your youngest is closer to 6. A 4 year old is going to need a stroller at Disney. I'd explain to your DH that August isn't an option. He can go or not go but don't miss this memory with your kids. Bring your mum.

funinthesun19 · 18/03/2023 18:29

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 18/03/2023 18:25

Go with your mum, it'll piss her off even more. Grin

And there will be nothing she can reasonably say about it either if her ex husband isn’t going.

amiold · 18/03/2023 18:29

Oh op what a palaver.

Your dh is happy for your kids to miss out but not dss. Speaks volumes.

I wouldn't ask him again - yeah he could pay the extra to go in august but he leaves you and his kids out to prioritise his oldest. Do not let him ruin your expensive holiday. Leave him at home and don't give him the chance to come... decisions were made and lessons will be learnt!

Birdsbirdsbirds · 18/03/2023 18:30

funinthesun19 · 18/03/2023 18:29

And there will be nothing she can reasonably say about it either if her ex husband isn’t going.

I don't think she can reasonably say anything even if he did go, it's none of her business if her child isn't there, which is what she wants.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 18/03/2023 18:37

DSS doesn't want to go, lots of kids wouldn't be that thrilled with the idea of going to Disney and having to go along with what the much younger kids want to do. His mum doesn't want him to miss school (fair enough). You are obviously VERY set on this plan, which has obviously been your dream for years (also fair enough). Your DH doesn't want to go on holiday without his older son (again, this is reasonable) and clearly isn't bothered about Disney, which is true for lots of adults. I think because this is YOUR big dream and YOUR money that you've saved up you need to be prepared to go without DH. If I were him I'd be a bit annoyed at how stubborn you were being because usually family holidays are a joint decision and involve joint savings but clearly this is not a normal holiday, he should just let it go.

purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:41

But why should OP change her plans and pay extra to do so just to appease her DH ex, who by the sounds of it has had her way a fair bit?

Because @Laurdo it's not about the ex, it's about op's dc having their father there on this once in a lifetime holiday, and op being able to share the memories with him and also about dss being part of this trip.
It's not ideal, I'm not saying it is and I agree with you that ex seems to get her own way a lot, but by refusing to even consider changing the dates because it means the ex gets her own way seems a bit childish to me. (Not saying that's what your doing op, I know there are costs involved too)

Also op if you do book for May it might be worth holding off to see if they are doing and dining plans/deals, as I said previously go to the dibb website and have a look around, the posters there are very knowledgeable and might know if something is in the works that might save money.

Autienotnautie · 18/03/2023 18:45

The thing is your not stopping ur dh from coming or yr dss. Its ur dh and his ex doing that. I would just say your going and they are welcome to come.

CornishGem1975 · 18/03/2023 18:48

Agree with other posters. Go with your mum and have a bloody marvellous time. It sounds like from what you've said your DH would spend all the time with DSS so what are your DC missing? Nothing.

CornishGem1975 · 18/03/2023 18:49

Also, I've been several times in August and survived but the point is OP doesn't want to go in August and she's saved for this holiday, she gets to pick when to go.

Nanny0gg · 18/03/2023 18:50

RedHelenB · 18/03/2023 18:13

But they could all go together which is the main thing.

Not if they're all miserable because of the heat and the queues

aSofaNearYou · 18/03/2023 18:51

Because @Laurdo it's not about the ex, it's about op's dc having their father there on this once in a lifetime holiday, and op being able to share the memories with him and also about dss being part of this trip.

Tbh I'd consider this viewpoint if my DH was actually going to be hands on and spend time with us if he came. But I wouldn't make the trip harder and worse for everyone else dealing with overheating, moany, possibly faint and sickly small kids in much longer queues, if he wasn't even going to be around to help because he was off with DSS the whole time. What would be the point?

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