Disney world dilemma with dsc!!

[thegoodpart0]

Well prepared to be flamed for this but here goes…

i have been saving up to take my children to Florida since my first ds was born. My oldest ds is 6 and my youngest ds is 4. It’s taken me the best part of 6 years to save around £10,000. It’s been a struggle what with 2 maternity leaves, house improvements etc but I’ve done it and this money is literally in a pot named ‘Florida’. My absolute dream is to see the magic in my children’s faces in Disney world and for them to be young enough to believe it’s app reap etc. I went to Disney as an adult and cannot imagine how much more magical it must be to take your own children. I have had quotes from a couple of places and am about to book for May 2024.

anyway, dh isn’t bothered about going but will go along with it for my sake. Of course he wants DSS (10) to come along which is fine with me. However DSS mum won’t let him miss a week of school (we are tagging a week onto may half term and pulling our two ds out for a week). To add to this , I work in a school and only get one week at Easter and two in may, that’s why we’ve chosen may half term. August is far too hot and expensive.

She also thinks it’s too far for him to go without his mum. As a mother I can see her point of view. However she has admitted she will never in her wildest dreams afford to take DSS to Florida so this is his only chance but she is telling us to book it for august instead. Dh is telling me to go along with what she wants.

I am literally so so pissed off. This is my absolute dream come true and dh ex is trying to dictate to us. She had dictated SOOO many holiday plans over the years. Threatening to not hand over passport, saying he can come one minute then saying no the next, telling us which dates we can/can’t go and we have gone along with it to ensure he can come with us. I do this for dh sake mainly.
BUT this is different to me. I have saved so so hard to give my boys this experience while they’re young enough to believe it’s real :( they love Mickey Mouse and all things Disney. My heart breaks thinking about them missing out because of DSS mum :(

dh refused point blank to come without DSS. I argued and said it’s not fair our ds don’t get this holiday because of DSS mum. Dh said he doesn’t care. He wanted DSS to come with us so those two could go off alone and go on all the big rides etc :/ (common theme by the way dh and DSS going off alone every weekend)

so in an absolute rage I told dh I will either go alone with our two boys or my mum will come (I know she would) .

he’s telling me to go with my mum. what do I do?? I want dh to experience this with his kids. He won’t go without DSS. I don’t want to be controlled or dictated to by dh ex. DSS is like a moody teenager and has never appreciated any abroad holiday we’ve taken him on.

shall I just take my mum???

It sounds like the easiest thing is to go with your mum. But he’s totally right not to leave one of his children out too, of course DSS and his dad should go off together and do things alone together, it’s his son and he only sees him EOW. And it’s daft being mad at him for missing seeing his kids faces at Disney, whilst also expecting him to leave one of his kids behind. It’s a once in a life time trip and he’d rather miss out himself than go along without one of his children, that’s normal parent behaviour. He isn’t controlling you. I can see why you are frustrated for your own children but he can’t win either way in this situation.

Still not the same really if all your children live with you ft and you get to make all the decisions which op doesn't.

His eldest son is still a child and only sees him
EOW, so why should he have to share his dad with the step mum and younger half siblings who have him all the time? Should he really not be able to spend some alone time with his dad? That’s daft.

But overall, maybe he's spending equal amounts of time with them. Is that not another way to look at it? As they grow older, they'll all start enjoying the same activities anyway. Age differences will always be more pronounced when some are at the baby/toddler/preschooler stage and they're moving away from that now as a family.

if she doesn’t agree tonight then I am going ahead and booking with my mum tomorrow

I would look into DSS and DH going for just 1 week but if that’s not possible then I would definitely ask the ex one last time and say you’re booking it and you’d love for him to come etc and if she says no then just do it.

Some, yes. All the time he's there? No. It sends a clear message to the younger kids that they are not as important.

I wonder why it's only EOW, can't imagine that was his choice. Imagine it will have been the mother's.

Haha the shit about "have him all the time" except I bet he works ft during the week and kids that age will be in bed by 8 at the very latest, so let's say they get ooh 2 hours a night with him? Including dinner, bath etc. All the quality time!

She didn’t say all the time he’s there, you’ve made that up.

And yes they have him mornings, evenings and EOW obviously. But he lives with them and is present every day for them, it’s different to EOW.

Definitely go with your mum and have a wonderful time just the 4 of you.

Plus it sends out a very clear message to dh’s ex that you’re booking your holiday for when you want and not when she wants. And to dh himself too. If he doesn’t want to come then oh well. Bye. ✈️

I haven't made it up. She says they go off alone every weekend. It's in the op.

It is different, but it's not quality time. It's not quality time getting two kids ready for school in a morning, if he is even there for that!

I know a few posters on here have said don't go in august, but many thousands of people do go in august and enjoy it.
I used to go to Florida every Easter, Summer and October for about 15 years. We often did Disney and it was never really an issue in August for us, but I do understand everyone is different. So all I'm saying really is if there was a compromise to be made then don't write August off just yet, give it some thought.
Maybe go to the dibb website and read through some of the august threads there, speak to people who go every summer and see what they say.

To be honest - your DH could save and take DSS anytime he wants - he’s doesn’t have to feel like DSS is missing out this isn’t his only opportunity to take him.

Y the sounds of it you’ll have a much better time with your mum than DH And DSS -

I will add - your sons already know they’re second best when DSS is around - how sad - and watch out when DSS is a teen and doesn’t want to know and your sons won’t want to know either

It doesn’t say for the whole time, which is what you said.

If DH and DS come, then i still think you should take your mum anyway since the other two will still be off together, then you will have company and quality time with Mum and she with her GCs.
If they don't come. You said DH and his family were off with you.

Remind them each and every time they bring it up - by text if necessary - that you generously offered the trip to coincide with your permitted leave from school and were not able to change the date at the whim of Ex because - 1) more expensive, Too Hot for LCs, and Horribly crowded. Also Hurricane season. and if they want to be cross with anyone - it shouldn't be you - you were trying to be generous but won't be dictated to.
Stand your ground OP. Its great that you have a supportive mum BTW.
I bet DH and SDS will change their minds anyway. DH just wanted a little sulk.

But if they don't come, have a plan for how you will deal with it all - its not really DSD's fault that his mum was insisting on changing dates and even if he doesn't really care about going, he's just a kid and will still feel a bit left out. Especially if DH and EW keep going on about it. Just something to think about.

I will add - I worked in a school and often took three kids solo for holidays because DH wouldn’t commit or couldn’t take the time off - I’d do it solo in a heart beat.

I also didn’t think I’d like Disney but it’s soooo good I’d go alone!!

It implies it's for the whole time. If it was insignificant op wouldn't have bothered mentioning it, it's clearly an issue.

In the past we have sang to the ex’s tune very much so! Almost EVERY single holiday we have booked, she has been awkward with dates. We have ALWAYS gone with what she wants so that DSS can come. Even when it’s cost us more to go on her preferred dates we’ve done it. Yeah it’s pissed me off but it is what it is. However this is different to me. This is a big deal, I will only be able to afford to do this while my kids are little once. Next time we go they will probably be teenagers.
also I want to add she keeps him off school herself Willy nilly. If it’s snow, a sneeze, a cough, bad nights sleep, he’s missed school for all kinds of reasons. My children have excellent attendance at school. I work in a school I know how important it is. However a trip to Disney world, in my eyes is much more valuable than a week in school! They will remember Disney world they won’t remember a random week in school

ps. We couldn't afford Florida but did DL Paris when some of our DC were the same age as yours. And it was magical for them and us. We did May and August on different years and I hated the heat and the crowds and the queues in August. Much harder work. plus more expensive to get there and to stay

I’ve been in august (and May) and it was absolutely fine. The obvious solution here is to go in august, it’s really not that much more expensive if you go the last two weeks when American schools have all gone back. I can absolutely see why your DH doesn’t want to leave one of his children behind for such a special trip. I think it’s pretty unreasonable to even suggest it to be honest and perfectly reasonable for the EXW to say she doesn’t want her son missing school when there are plenty of other school holidays available.

If the genders were reversed and the DH was being awkward about dates meaning the woman’s child couldn’t come and tried to defend it by saying “but it’s MY savings” he’d rightfully have his arse handed to him.

You can bend yourselves over backwards justifying Dad’s stance here, but the net result is he misses out on an amazing, likely once in lifetime experience/holiday with his two youngest children because of a decision made by his ex.

I agree with a previous poster - he should have held firmer boundaries so he has more of a day here.

But op isn't being awkward about dates, and the fact is she's paying, why should a woman who is contributing absolutely nothing to this decide when they should go?

My mum is coming regardless by the way. I’ve asked her and she is so excited. She loves my kids to pieces and I know she will be an amazing support to me there

Thank you @Birdsbirdsbirds !!!
I feel like texting his ex asking her is she going to pay the extra for us to go in august 🤬

And Dad will just be sat at home twiddling his thumbs whilst missing out on something with his family. Sounds like the very definition of cutting his nose off to spite his face.

👏🏻

exactly.

why on earth should she be able to dictate OP’s holidays to her?

You know your dh will make the trip miserable if he goes without dss going given your previous posts. Take your mum and have the holiday of a lifetime and don't dare let dh dampen your holiday magic