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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Biological mother wants tv

111 replies

Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:20

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and my other half has 2 other children who he coparents. We have the kids every second weekend and every Thursday evening. The kids mother isn't happy we are expecting for a number of reasons and I feel she has tried to make things difficult (more so) since finding out we are expecting.

This evening she called my other half and said their daughter (birthday is soon and will be 6) wants a smart TV for her room so he has to buy her that. Their daughter was with us this weekend and didn't say she wanted a smart TV for her birthday.

Financially we are scrapping by but if my other half's daughter wants a TV then we will make that happen. However, I don't feel like it should be bought to go into the mothers house - it should be left in her room in our house - or am I wrong to think this? Also, I don't see how a 6 year old would be wanting or excited over a TV for her birthday - she told me she wanted a doll.

I wonder if this is a battle to fight or just let it go - ill find a second hand smart TV and get it cheap enough. It's just constant attacks from my partners ex in attempts to cause trouble and make things difficult for us - she's just a very toxic person unfortunately.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/02/2023 16:03

A 6-yeard old does NOT need a smart TV in their room! Suggest buying a cheap second-hand older one instead or just say you can't afford it. Your DH should choose what gift he wants to give and he needs to nip this in the bud.

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 16:20

I had a TV in my bedroom (briefly) when I was about 9. My mum took it away because I kept staying up watching loads of shite until the early hours and then being too knackered for school. I was also spending all my time in the day up there on my own instead of with my family.

I know there are more parental controls etc these days but come on, why would anyone want a 6 year old to have their own TV in their room??

Blendiful · 28/02/2023 18:54

I don't agree with sharing gifts unless it is something really big they can use both places (a pony, or a tablet maybe).

Otherwise gifts generally stay in the house they are bought it.

My DP has done the 'paying half' for stuff for one of his DC and the stuff stays at his mums, we often end up buying twice as at some point he inevitably wants the same at ours. I've told DP to stop doing that now. What his ex wants to get is up to her, and we will get what we want at ours.

CornishGem1975 · 01/03/2023 12:46

None of our kids have TVs because kids don't watch TV these days. They stream. On an iPad or a Switch etc TVs are nonsense.

aSofaNearYou · 01/03/2023 13:25

personally though I think the gift should go where the child wants to keep it. So if she DID want a TV and you bought it for her I should think it’s up to the child to decide where to keep it to get more enjoyment out of it. It is HER gift.

I understand this logic but realistically it doesn't always work to do things this way unless you have the money to buy your kids lots of gifts on special occasions AND extra ones the rest of the time. Almost all the toys my DD owns were bought for her on some special occasion or other, and it's the same for DSS. If he then takes them back to his mum's (which he does) he ends up twiddling his thumbs when he's here because we can't afford to buy him more than that. Kids don't always have the maturity to delay gratification and will obviously want to have them where they can play with them all the time, but when they've got loads of toys there already and are just adding to the pile, leaving none at NRPs house, it's not really the most sensible plan.

Bunnyishotandcross · 01/03/2023 15:41

My then dh had an ex like this. Dh was on the sick awaiting surgery and skint.. Texts asking for football strips and designer coats that dsd needed for her birthday..
Dsd was turning 3...
Laugh at the cfery op and forget about it
.

Bunnyishotandcross · 01/03/2023 15:43

When my exh chose to lavish dc with tech they were told to leave them at df's house. I wasn't being responsible for 3 dc under 7 having laptops and phones... Anything broken ex would have bullied me to pay. And tbh I didn't even have WiFi to use them anyway!

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/03/2023 07:36

What is the point of a present a child can only use 4 days per month? So petty

Zippidydoda · 03/03/2023 07:40

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/03/2023 07:36

What is the point of a present a child can only use 4 days per month? So petty

This.
After a previous poster responded to my comment about a child choosing where their gift stays, I do understand some reasons for keeping them in one house (especially a TV that can’t really move). But spending a lot of something being used 4days a month is silly. So I’d say no.

Godlovesall26 · 03/03/2023 13:28

CornishGem1975 · 01/03/2023 12:46

None of our kids have TVs because kids don't watch TV these days. They stream. On an iPad or a Switch etc TVs are nonsense.

This. I don’t have a tv. My dad suggested buying me one when I moved out, and I just said no thanks, but you can put that little extra money towards a better computer if you wish☺️ ( weren’t well off, but I had huge anxiety so he thought the background noise instead of silence could help - I said really the computer will do it all)

I wouldn’t have a 6yo have a tv anyway, I can’t imagine many of her friends having a smart tv in their rooms so it seems unlikely to be peer pressure.

If she wants a doll, great, ask her which, maybe get her a more expensive one that all her friends have. You’ll end up much much better off and she’ll probably be thrilled. Add in a couple of hair clips if she likes that and I’m sure she’ll be over the moon

timetorefresh · 03/03/2023 14:07

A 6 year old should not have a TV in their room. I've told my kids they can have a TV when they're big enough to get a job and buy their own

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