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Original poster

Biological mother wants tv

111 replies

Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:20

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and my other half has 2 other children who he coparents. We have the kids every second weekend and every Thursday evening. The kids mother isn't happy we are expecting for a number of reasons and I feel she has tried to make things difficult (more so) since finding out we are expecting.

This evening she called my other half and said their daughter (birthday is soon and will be 6) wants a smart TV for her room so he has to buy her that. Their daughter was with us this weekend and didn't say she wanted a smart TV for her birthday.

Financially we are scrapping by but if my other half's daughter wants a TV then we will make that happen. However, I don't feel like it should be bought to go into the mothers house - it should be left in her room in our house - or am I wrong to think this? Also, I don't see how a 6 year old would be wanting or excited over a TV for her birthday - she told me she wanted a doll.

I wonder if this is a battle to fight or just let it go - ill find a second hand smart TV and get it cheap enough. It's just constant attacks from my partners ex in attempts to cause trouble and make things difficult for us - she's just a very toxic person unfortunately.

OP posts:
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Miscellaneousme · 28/02/2023 07:47

Sounds like the ex just wants a new TV and/or is trying to be awkward.

Your partner needs to deal with this and just say that he will be getting the doll she has asked for.

SoupDragon · 28/02/2023 07:47

LetitiaLeghorn · 28/02/2023 05:17

You saying biological mother is not an insult to anyone. Don't worry about it. 🙂

Show quote history

Speak for yourself.

Lambchop1 · 28/02/2023 07:49

Buy one and keep it at your house - this cf is after a freebie on you as she thinks your dh will be less likely to give to her family now he has another dependent. You have to nip this in the bud now.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 28/02/2023 07:52

Regardless if it is a tv or a doll the gift is for the child. Would you make her keep the doll at your house too so she can only play with it every second weekend and on a thursday?

toomuchlaundry · 28/02/2023 07:58

Where do the children sleep if not at yours and not at their mum’s if they don’t spend the majority of their nights at their mum’s?

Trixiefirecracker · 28/02/2023 08:08

My kids are teenagers and they aren’t allowed screens in rooms so I would certainly not be happy about a 6 year old having one! Buy the doll and tell the mum she can get the telly!

Caviarandgelatine · 28/02/2023 08:10

I wouldn't let a 6yo have a TV in their room (or an older child for that matter) and it seems a strange thing for a child to want nowadays, surely they'd ask for a tablet they can play on as well.

That said, any present you get her whether that be a TV or a doll should be wherever she spends the majority of her time.

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 08:14

Small dc don't need a TV.

maeveiscurious · 28/02/2023 08:17

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 08:14

Small dc don't need a TV.

Totally agree, our DCs watch to with us

Silverbook · 28/02/2023 08:29

If she tols you she wants a doll then get her a doll. The gift is between you, your DP and her. Her mum can get her whatever she wants.

ShakinSteven · 28/02/2023 08:36

No way would I be buying a tv for a 6 year old no matter whose house it was in. Get the doll and let her take it home. You need to figure out fair boundaries, it's only going to get harder and the person that suffers will be your DSC.

soleilblue · 28/02/2023 08:38

Financially we are scrapping by but if my other half's daughter wants a TV then we will make that happen.

Why?

If she really does want it and you can't afford it you just say no, is there anything else you'd like.

Why do you feel you must cave in?

Xol · 28/02/2023 08:39

There are all sorts of very good reasons why a 6 year old should not have a smart TV in her bedroom, and your husband is entitled to say no on that basis.

gogohmm · 28/02/2023 08:42

Is there a television at both houses in a communal area? If yes then there is no need for one in her room. My kids have never had their own tv and they are adults now - they still come into the living room to watch tv. Buy the doll she wants

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/02/2023 08:44

Your dh needs to say to his ex "dd has given me a list if things she wants for her birthday, which I have purchased. She hasn't mentioned a TV- presumably that's something she wants for your home, so I'd say that's your purchase to make"

Zodfa · 28/02/2023 08:48

Just say no. Even if the girl has asked for it - she's only six, she doesn't always get what she wants.

ArcticSkewer · 28/02/2023 08:48

Your partner is going to struggle for cash with three young kids to support. If he can afford a TV, great, if not then that's what happens when you choose to have three kids. I wouldn't get involved either way, up to him what he gets his daughter. Maybe he needs a second job?

Soontobe60 · 28/02/2023 08:49

As a divorced parent, I never discussed my gifts with my ex in 15 years! DD kept my gifts at my house and his gifts at his house, it didn’t matter if she had duplicates.
Just ignore her demands! She wants the TV for herself

soleilblue · 28/02/2023 08:50

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/02/2023 08:44

Your dh needs to say to his ex "dd has given me a list if things she wants for her birthday, which I have purchased. She hasn't mentioned a TV- presumably that's something she wants for your home, so I'd say that's your purchase to make"

No he doesn't need to put it on mum either.

Just "its ok she's given me a list of things"

OnGoldenPond · 28/02/2023 08:51

Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:40

I see your point completely. Blended families and labels are difficult and divide opinions. I said biological mother as its a step parenting thread and my understanding is labels such as step mother/step father and biological mother/father are the labels used.

I get you are just trying to distinguish between you and your step DDs mum, but biological mum/ dad is generally used for those who give birth but give the child up at birth. Not really great to call a divorced mum who is raising her DD by this term. I have seen it used on here but people are generally asked not to as it can cause offence. As others have said, Mum will do. I'm sure you didn't intend any offence.

Ceryneianhind · 28/02/2023 08:52

This evening she called my other half and said their daughter (birthday is soon and will be 6) wants a smart TV for her room so he has to buy her that.

no he doesn't. She wants her dd to have a smart tv, then she buy her dd a smart tv

Pinkyhere · 28/02/2023 08:52

She told us she wanted a doll and we prefer the kids watch TV as a family rather than put a tv in her room. Oh, you meant for your house? You're not honestly expecting us to buy a TV for your house, Kath?

OnGoldenPond · 28/02/2023 08:54

Oh and don't buy the TV. Your SDD doesn't want it, she asked for a doll. She will probably be upset if you don't get her one! It's her Mum that wants the TV.

QuertyGirl · 28/02/2023 08:55

The TV will be going in the mothers bedroom or the sitting room.

Buy the child a doll and take her out to a posh ice cream parlour.

Tiredalwaystired · 28/02/2023 08:56

Soontobe60 · 28/02/2023 08:49

As a divorced parent, I never discussed my gifts with my ex in 15 years! DD kept my gifts at my house and his gifts at his house, it didn’t matter if she had duplicates.
Just ignore her demands! She wants the TV for herself

That’s a bit rubbish for the kid isn’t it? It’s always crap to get duplicate presents no matter who they’re from.

Do you not discuss with other members of your family either? I can see the potential for six identical Lego sets this way.