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Original poster

Biological mother wants tv

111 replies

Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:20

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and my other half has 2 other children who he coparents. We have the kids every second weekend and every Thursday evening. The kids mother isn't happy we are expecting for a number of reasons and I feel she has tried to make things difficult (more so) since finding out we are expecting.

This evening she called my other half and said their daughter (birthday is soon and will be 6) wants a smart TV for her room so he has to buy her that. Their daughter was with us this weekend and didn't say she wanted a smart TV for her birthday.

Financially we are scrapping by but if my other half's daughter wants a TV then we will make that happen. However, I don't feel like it should be bought to go into the mothers house - it should be left in her room in our house - or am I wrong to think this? Also, I don't see how a 6 year old would be wanting or excited over a TV for her birthday - she told me she wanted a doll.

I wonder if this is a battle to fight or just let it go - ill find a second hand smart TV and get it cheap enough. It's just constant attacks from my partners ex in attempts to cause trouble and make things difficult for us - she's just a very toxic person unfortunately.

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RitaBea · 28/02/2023 01:28

You don’t really need to specify that it’s the child’s biological mother. Mother will suffice, she only has one.

But yeah, I would buy the child whatever you wish to buy her and her mother can buy her a TV if she wishes.

NC1234561 · 28/02/2023 01:29

If you buy it then it should stay at your house 🤷

Andylion · 28/02/2023 01:32

If you are just scraping by financially, why would you buy a 6 year old a tv?

RobertsRadio · 28/02/2023 01:40

Andylion · 28/02/2023 01:32

If you are just scraping by financially, why would you buy a 6 year old a tv?

This ⬆️. If she says she wants a doll, then buy her a doll. Buying a 6 year old her own tv is ridiculous. Are you sure it's not the mother who wants a new smart tv and this is just a way of getting her ex to fund it?

Original poster
Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:40

I see your point completely. Blended families and labels are difficult and divide opinions. I said biological mother as its a step parenting thread and my understanding is labels such as step mother/step father and biological mother/father are the labels used.

OP posts:
DPotter · 28/02/2023 01:40

I'm one of those parents who doesn't think children should have TVs in their bedrooms, so I wouldn't be buying your DSD a TV at 6 or 16. If I was a parent who thought TVs were a good idea in a child's bedroom, she'd be getting a small standard TV which stayed in her room at my house, and there's be strict rules for watching it. I would only buy a gift I could afford to - absolutely no point stretching yourselves financially, especially for a gift your DSD hasn't asked for

Original poster
Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:41

Yeah it would be difficult to afford tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:42

I also think this as well

OP posts:
Pacificisolated · 28/02/2023 01:42

As yes, it is the child’s mother who is toxic. Not you, a step parent who wants to keep her birthday present at a house she only spends 2 out of every 14 nights at.

DPotter · 28/02/2023 01:43

As a rule the term biological or birth mother is used only for adopted children. When talking about blended families - there's Dads, Mums, Stepdads and Stepmums

Original poster
Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:46

Unfortunately my other half ex is toxic and I believe this for a number of reasons which I haven't discussed. I completely hear what you're saying about having the gift at our house when she is at her mother's house more - that's why I'm asking people's opinions. She is with us more than 2 nights every 2 weeks but that's just splitting hairs - she doesn't spend the majority of the nights at her mothers. That's why I'm torn as to whether the gift should be there - my other concern is that this isn't even a gift she's asked for.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:48

Thanks for clarifying - I find it all a minefield tbh and difficult to navigate

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/02/2023 02:03

No 6 year old needs a TV.

Her Dad can just grey rock that her doesn't want to buy her that as he thinks she is too young but if her Mum wants to then that is her choice.

mathanxiety · 28/02/2023 02:16

I think you and DP need to stand up to her.

Her demand is ridiculous, and you'll be fielding more if you go along with it.

No need to be confrontational. Just tell her her dad will do what he thinks best for his daughter.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 02:34

No screens in bedrooms here. So there wouldn't be a debate. The obvious answer is to chat to the DD about it and get a few things to think about buying.

Just because a child wants something, doesn't mean they have to get it.

StClare101 · 28/02/2023 02:54

A simple “no, we’ll choose our own presents” is all that’s required.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/02/2023 02:58

Buy the doll. Her mum can buy the tv if she wants. My 14 yo doesn’t have one in her bedroom and we can easily afford it. A 6 year old definitely does not need a tv in their bedroom. I think it is detrimental to a child’s development and imagination to have 24/7 screens at such a young age.

Raindancer411 · 28/02/2023 05:07

I think a child would just ask for a TV, not a smart TV, so think it's more the mother that needs it. I would get a doll if that is what she has asked for. But if you do get a tv, leave it at yours

LetitiaLeghorn · 28/02/2023 05:17

Sarah1205 · 28/02/2023 01:48

Thanks for clarifying - I find it all a minefield tbh and difficult to navigate

You saying biological mother is not an insult to anyone. Don't worry about it. 🙂

Sleepless1096 · 28/02/2023 05:35

I wouldn't buy a TV for a 6 year old, especially a smart one. Presumably she is allowed appropriate screen time (either tablet/TV) at your house and at her mother's house. She doesn't then need her own TV on top of this.

MeridianB · 28/02/2023 07:05

Another no to screens in bedrooms. Especially at six.

Ask DSD for ideas and choose one within your budget.

Tell your DP to stop passing on unpleasant remarks from his ex.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/02/2023 07:24

No TVs in bedrooms. And each parents chooses their own gifts. I’d give this no head space at all. Your partner can ignore or say no.

StarsSand · 28/02/2023 07:41

This isn't an issue.

You're calling her toxic but you're the one turning a request into drama by not simply saying 'thank you but we already have a present planned.'

Also- She's the mother, not the biological mother.

Also- it's unreasonable to give her a present and make it stay at the home she spends the least time in.

Dollyparton3 · 28/02/2023 07:41

MeridianB · 28/02/2023 07:05

Another no to screens in bedrooms. Especially at six.

Ask DSD for ideas and choose one within your budget.

Tell your DP to stop passing on unpleasant remarks from his ex.

I agree, you and your DP need to get some selective hearing with the ex otherwise you'll have years of stress ahead of you. My DH's exw is very high conflict and we had to learn strategies over the years to not battle with her and let her sit in her own steam every once in a while.

It would also be helpful for your DH to learn to deal with some of her madness without over sharing with you. Don't overburden yourself with his inability to push back or you'll drive yourself nuts very quickly

SoupDragon · 28/02/2023 07:46

she told me she wanted a doll.

Get the doll. It's a far more sensible present for a 6 year old, plus it's one she actually wants and one you can afford. Definitely don't do the "we bought it so it must stay here" thing with presents though.