My partners son doesn't want to spend time with my son

[chipswitheveryting]

So I have an 8 yo DS and partner has 10 yr old DS. His DS doesn't want to see or hang around with my son. We both also have older girls who are old enough to opt out of things and meet friends etc. But the boys need to be with us generally.

My OH will ask me to come over to his house, I have kids half the week. He only wants me, not my kids so only asks when I'm alone (there is space for us all and we have stayed in the past).

My OH will happily come to mine when my kids are there and has a good relationship with them.

His son makes it impossible for us to have family days out or holidays together.

We had talked about moving in together, we've been together 2.5 years. I now think we couldn't live together becaUse or his DS'S rejection of my DS.

My DS absolutely adores his DS, I feel so sad for him, my DS is a lovely kid. He's a bit of a sore loser so gets a bit grumpy when he realises he won't win a game and this is what other DS hangs all his anger on. We all have faults. His son does too.

My OH supports his DS in not making any effort, if he doesn't want to see him that's up to him. I think OH should make more effort to make his kid accommodate and get on better with mine.

What do you lot think??

I don't understand how you can think about moving in when your OH doesn't even want your kids to spend any time at his home - unless his home is too small/unsuitable?

Would he move in with you then?

Doesn't matter. If OP has friend's round and they have a meal, is it OK for her son to not want to sit at the table with them because they "aren't family"? It's just bizarre. Sitting at the table with whoever is in the home at the time is just how it is.

Is the son saying he doesn't want to as 'not family' or is it ops DS' behaviours that he doesn't want to have to put up with?

Bloody hell OP! I don't think the boys issues are anything to do with your ds being a bit annoying at times. All dc are annoying at times but you've left yourself wide open saying that on this thread.

Dps son is obviously very jealous. You could have done everything exactly by the book and he might still have been jealous. I doubt the hug made him jealous, he would have already had to be feeling that way.

Either your dp grows a backbone and works with his kid to make him feel secure.. or he doesn't and there isn't room for you in his life. Or any woman with dc. This is dps ds feeling insecure. You're seeing how your dp acts when his son has issues and atm it's to pander to them rather than to deal with them. Your son is being the scapegoat and easier to blame than for dp to look at himself and work out what he's done/doing after the previous relationship broke up.

That ‘one kid’ you say dictates what goes on..but you are trying to dictate what you want, which is that child should want to spend time with your child. Your ‘partner’ should never move in with you , in fact he should run a mile!

Six posts in…your partner should have his running shoes on!

Your friend coming round with their kids doesn’t have the same emotional valance as dad’s new girlfriend (who is hoping to move in and you all become a ‘family’). Does it?

It’s clear that accepting the OP’s son will lead to an increase in the time spent together, potentially having all holidays with dad involving him and even having to live together some of the time. A 10 year old will recognise this.

The OP’s DS may be the main focus (it’s likely that he is annoying to the older boy and that’s why) but it’s indicative of this much bigger fear.

His dad pulling back and making it clear that there’s no blending the kids for the moment is helpful and, in the long term, will probably produce a better outcome than just telling his DS that he must be polite and put up with it.