Bedroom situation

[Navigatingthroughlife]

Hi all,

I just want an idea for context here to see if anyone is being unreasonable and to be clear this situation has nothing to do with me. It is completely between my partner and the kids mother but I want to see opinions.

myself and my partner have a two bedroom property. Currently my two step kids share a room boy and girl 10 and 13. My partner and I cannot afford to buy anywhere bigger so have decided to build a log cabin in the back garden. The garden has a side gate however this is going to be refurbished to have a pin to gain entry. The log cabin has a British standard lock in it as well as double glazing etc. The plan is for step daughter to sleep in the cabin when she’s here to give her, her own space. However if she doesn’t feel comfortable she has the bedroom she shares with her brother. Due to their ages etc we’re cautious they need their own space. My partners ex is not happy about the log cabin as feels SD is too young. My partner is saying he doesn’t care it’s completely safe and if she doesn’t want to sleep in there she doesn’t have to.

Do you think 13 is too young to have a log cabin to sleep in?

thanks in advance

I wouldn’t be happy with my dd in a log cabin tbh.
She might need space but also needs to feel fully included.
I would also worry that she might be pressured into letting others in without adults’ knowledge or permission.

Yes! Jesus. You may as well tell her she can be out all night long and you would be none the wiser.

Has your dp always been in this 2bed house?

A 13 year old needs to be part of the family, not sent to a garden room. Could you not divide the bigger room and you have the smaller?

I wouldn't be happy with a 13 year old staying outside all night.

fuck no! This can’t be real!

This.

Such a ridiculous suggestion.

I'm usually with the step parents on these threads but no, that's not reasonable. You and your partner need to have a rethink.

No you can’t have a 13 year old sleeping in their own in an outbuilding. And how well insulated is the log cabin? If you really can’t afford an extension you’d be better getting a decent garden room put on the back of the house. The proper cabins with insulation are several thousand pounds

Too young

No. Not for safety reasons, I'm sure that's fine. But because she won't feel like part of the family. My DD is nearly 13 and would love this during the day, but not at night. Also, will it have a toilet? Not nice to have to go out in the rain/cold at night for a wee.

You and DP sleep in the living room? Many others do that when they have small homes/overcrowded.

This is something I have considered for one of my DCs, but not at 13; I am thinking 17/18 years old. A friend has recently done this with her 16 year old son.

Someone’s going to suggest you give up your own room and sleep on your sofa.

Absolutely not.

I wouldn’t let a 13 year old sleep in that, no. Way too young and not safe. Why don’t you get a sofa bed then you sleep in the living room when they come so then they can have a room each?

Yes, we are. Because parents sacrifice for their children (in reason) and those children should not have to suffer because their parents split up. Having two 'homes' is bad enough.

Btw how often do they actually stay the night? If it’s occasional I think it’s fine to share, a lot of siblings do that when visiting relatives or going on holiday

Which is exactly what op and dad should be doing. Not chucking her in a glorified shed for the night.

Disagree with this. This is their home whilst they are there- it should be set up properly for them and at their ages they need their own space.

Agree with PP's- sofa bed in the living room for the adults.

It’s one night a week. It’ll be well insulated with electric, heaters etc. Thank you all for your advice. Partners always had the two bed property but it’s just the age they’re reaching. The house is well and truly hers and she knows that it’s literally so she has her own haven if that makes sense. I do really appreciate all your advice though.

No the kids will just have to share a room, won’t they. That’s what happens when you don’t have enough bedrooms for them to get one each. That’s life.

Also the whole cabin will be plastered etc so inside it’ll literally be a proper room if that makes sense not wooden beams going across everywhere

I'd suggest they come for contact on different nights so they each have the room to themselves when they're there.

No way would I be happy with that.
I think a garden room is a great idea for a den/hang out space so the kids have space away from each other, but not to sleep in.

You disagree with what? A lot of siblings have to share, not everyone has one bedroom per person!

I don’t think that’s fair on them though.

Also to the comments above as I said she’s not getting ‘chucked into a glorified shed’ as I clearly stated if she doesn’t want to stay in there that is also fine she can continuing sharing a room with her brother.