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Original poster

Bedroom situation

119 replies

Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 18:48

Hi all,

I just want an idea for context here to see if anyone is being unreasonable and to be clear this situation has nothing to do with me. It is completely between my partner and the kids mother but I want to see opinions.

myself and my partner have a two bedroom property. Currently my two step kids share a room boy and girl 10 and 13. My partner and I cannot afford to buy anywhere bigger so have decided to build a log cabin in the back garden. The garden has a side gate however this is going to be refurbished to have a pin to gain entry. The log cabin has a British standard lock in it as well as double glazing etc. The plan is for step daughter to sleep in the cabin when she’s here to give her, her own space. However if she doesn’t feel comfortable she has the bedroom she shares with her brother. Due to their ages etc we’re cautious they need their own space. My partners ex is not happy about the log cabin as feels SD is too young. My partner is saying he doesn’t care it’s completely safe and if she doesn’t want to sleep in there she doesn’t have to.

Do you think 13 is too young to have a log cabin to sleep in?

thanks in advance

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onyttig · 20/01/2023 19:11

Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:09

It’s one night a week. It’ll be well insulated with electric, heaters etc. Thank you all for your advice. Partners always had the two bed property but it’s just the age they’re reaching. The house is well and truly hers and she knows that it’s literally so she has her own haven if that makes sense. I do really appreciate all your advice though.

Have them share the bedroom but they can use the cabin as space to use during the day?

Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:12

onyttig · 20/01/2023 19:11

Have them share the bedroom but they can use the cabin as space to use during the day?

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From the feedback sounds like the best option until she’s a bit older

OP posts:
IfYouDontAsk · 20/01/2023 19:12

onyttig · 20/01/2023 19:09

No the kids will just have to share a room, won’t they. That’s what happens when you don’t have enough bedrooms for them to get one each. That’s life.

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Not with opposite sex siblings where at least one, if not both, of them will have gone through puberty.

Why don’t the parents sleep in the cabin if it’s just one night a week?

PeekAtYou · 20/01/2023 19:14

My 16yo son would love it but not at 13.

How much are log cabins that are warm, weather proof and as spider proof as possible ?

Would she have to walk back to the main house to use the loo? How much to have lighting that will make that less scary but also not freak out the local dogs and neighbours ?

You and your partner sleeping in the log cabin is not ideal but better imo. A Ring doorbell so the kids don't have to answer the door to the main house.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:14

Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:09

It’s one night a week. It’ll be well insulated with electric, heaters etc. Thank you all for your advice. Partners always had the two bed property but it’s just the age they’re reaching. The house is well and truly hers and she knows that it’s literally so she has her own haven if that makes sense. I do really appreciate all your advice though.

If the current house no longer fits the family in, then he needs to look at moving to a 3bed.

Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:14

IfYouDontAsk · 20/01/2023 19:12

Not with opposite sex siblings where at least one, if not both, of them will have gone through puberty.

Why don’t the parents sleep in the cabin if it’s just one night a week?

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That’s also another option however it’s the same situation really as the cabin will have the same security as our property including cctv etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:15

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:14

If the current house no longer fits the family in, then he needs to look at moving to a 3bed.

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We literally cannot currently afford this so exploring all options but moving just isn’t one

OP posts:
onyttig · 20/01/2023 19:15

IfYouDontAsk · 20/01/2023 19:12

Not with opposite sex siblings where at least one, if not both, of them will have gone through puberty.

Why don’t the parents sleep in the cabin if it’s just one night a week?

Show quote history

It IS life if you don’t have the space.

Lots of families have to do this, and not just one night a week.

if the parents sleep in the cabin, then the problem is they’re leaving the 10 year old alone in the house.

There are two bedrooms. One for the couple who live their FT and one for the kids. It’s how things are in the real world where people make do with smaller houses than would be ideal.

MichelleScarn · 20/01/2023 19:15

Oh don't be ridiculous! Her mum is absolutely right. Am just imagining the call to SS from the teacher at school who she first tells that when she stays at dad's she sleeps in a shed on her own in the garden!! She's bloody 13!! So what happens when she has her period and she's out there, unless you're spending a proper amount of money it will be shit for her.

CombatBarbie · 20/01/2023 19:15

The cost of a functioning log cabin with electrics and insulation, ground works etc....have you costed this up?? That money can surely be used to get a bigger property. Even if its 2 and a box room....

gogohmm · 20/01/2023 19:16

Sofa bed in the living room once a week for you seems the best option for now. In a few years time they will appreciate the cabin

SandyY2K · 20/01/2023 19:16

Its not about the insulation, the facilities or it having a British standard lock.

It's a child sleeping in a seperate building on their own, without an adult overnight. I wouldn't want the 2 kids in seperate rooms in a building overnight, without an adult present. This would be unacceptable to me for a 13 year old.

Your partner saying he doesn't care, gives an indication of the sort of person he is.

Have you considered an extension or loft conversion?

onyttig · 20/01/2023 19:16

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:14

If the current house no longer fits the family in, then he needs to look at moving to a 3bed.

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Your privilege is showing…

Not everyone can just upsize so a 13 year old can have a bedroom one night a week.

BungleandGeorge · 20/01/2023 19:17

personally I don’t think it’s just whether she want the outdoor room, I don’t think it’s a particularly safe set up for a child to be in a different building to the adults. Those cabins are generally not designed for sleeping in. Would it have a smoke alarm? Proper locks? Presumably you’d be unaware of anything happening out there? I also think you’d find it a bit of a money put to heat

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:19

Dining room?

Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:19

It seems like 99.9% of you are all in agreement this is a bad idea which is exactly what this post was to see outsiders opinions so thank you for that. From family members/friends it’s mixed views so it’s definitely interesting. The cabin is getting built regardless. A lot of my family are in the trade so it’s not as expensive as it’s made to seem but I think after this I’ll be having a discussion with my partner about having it as a haven in the day for now and then as some other posters have mentioned when she’s a bit older as a room for her when she’s with us. Thank you all.

OP posts:
ArseInTheDogBowl · 20/01/2023 19:19

@BungleandGeorge I disagreed with your suggestion that if it's only one night a week its ok for them to share.

It's not really fair for opposite sex siblings to be sharing at that age. It's not the same as a holiday- when they're with their dad it's meant to be their home too.

OP doesn't seem interested in the suggestion of a sofabed for the adults, which seems the best option in the circumstances. Its the kids who have to deal with an unsuitable arrangement- not the parents- which is not how I would choose to parent.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:20

onyttig · 20/01/2023 19:16

Your privilege is showing…

Not everyone can just upsize so a 13 year old can have a bedroom one night a week.

Show quote history

What would you suggest?

BungleandGeorge · 20/01/2023 19:20

Although I’m not a fan of kids sleeping on sofa beds for one night a week I think it would be a better option to set one child up in the living room once a week of you can isolate it and leave it for the child’s sole use from say 8pm. I think a decent conservatory would be better though

Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:20

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:19

Dining room?

we don’t have a dining room it’s a small place. It’s lovely but small and the kids are getting under one another’s feet but yeah a haven in the day seems like the best bet for now.

OP posts:
Ohdearnotagain76 · 20/01/2023 19:21

Sofa bed in living room, or decent blow up. Can always get log cabin for extra space but unless they stay a lot probably no point.

Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:21

BungleandGeorge · 20/01/2023 19:20

Although I’m not a fan of kids sleeping on sofa beds for one night a week I think it would be a better option to set one child up in the living room once a week of you can isolate it and leave it for the child’s sole use from say 8pm. I think a decent conservatory would be better though

In honesty I’d rather us on a sofa bed in the front room then either of the kids

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/01/2023 19:22

In honesty I’d rather us on a sofa bed in the front room then either of the kids

Sounds perfect for one night a week! And much cheaper and safer than a shed.

ijustneedanamefgs · 20/01/2023 19:23

They can share as long as they are comfortable and then have 1 on the sofa. It’s only 1 night a week. Tbh as they go into the teenage years they may not want to stay much anyway.
Theres no way I would have my 13 or even 16yr old out in the garden

Original poster
Navigatingthroughlife · 20/01/2023 19:23

ArseInTheDogBowl · 20/01/2023 19:19

@BungleandGeorge I disagreed with your suggestion that if it's only one night a week its ok for them to share.

It's not really fair for opposite sex siblings to be sharing at that age. It's not the same as a holiday- when they're with their dad it's meant to be their home too.

OP doesn't seem interested in the suggestion of a sofabed for the adults, which seems the best option in the circumstances. Its the kids who have to deal with an unsuitable arrangement- not the parents- which is not how I would choose to parent.

in all due respect this post is having a lot of activity so a bit difficult to get through everything as you can see above I’ve stated I’d much rather my partner and I on a sofa bed then either of the kids. We’re adults we can deal with it. Not fair on a child to have to rough it on a sofa bed once a week especially with school etc I’d rather them be in a comfy bed

OP posts: