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Original poster

I need an excuse to not have dss at my bday meal

135 replies

decis · 02/01/2023 23:19

Dss is due over this weekend, he is a grumpy teen but more than that, rude & has absolutely no table manners. Quite frankly it puts me off my food.

My bday is sunday, we usually take him home the sunday after dinner meaning he will eat with us, but i simply dont want him there.

We cant go after we drop him as we have a toddler so she needs to be in bed at a decent time. Also for that reason cannot say just me & dh (no babysitters at all)

Please can someone give me a valid excuse to get out of him coming

OP posts:
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SheilaWilde · 03/01/2023 00:39

You're an adult. You're DSS is a child. You're putting the Gary before the horse.

Notyetamother · 03/01/2023 00:41

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NicLondon1 · 03/01/2023 00:44

A stepson is still family and most teens are grumpy and rude, you can still love them though underneath. It usually comes from insecurity, hormones and probably he’s had some divorce trauma who knows… I’d try not to let it ruin my meal but include him so he feels included, and not an outcast. I imagine it’s not been easy for him seeing his Dad start a new family so he needs extra love and care.

SityingConar · 03/01/2023 00:44

SheilaWilde · 03/01/2023 00:39

You're an adult. You're DSS is a child. You're putting the Gary before the horse.

Putting the Gary before the horse 😁❤️

SityingConar · 03/01/2023 00:45

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Notyetamother · 03/01/2023 00:46

@SityingConar I don't wanna be nasty to her, but honestly, poor kid!

NicLondon1 · 03/01/2023 00:46

You have a blended family now, no point fighting it! Try to make it work

SeaToSki · 03/01/2023 00:47

Can he babysit the toddler while you and DH go out for an early dinner?

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 00:50

Just tell your husband. Something like ‘I don’t want your son included in family events, I hate when he’s here, he’s so vile.’

randomusername666 · 03/01/2023 00:52

Bananarama21 · 03/01/2023 00:19

You have given no evidence to suggest why he should be excluded from the family meal none other than grumpy, rude and vile. He is a child your the adult you sound like an unpleasant one at that.

Haha that's 3 very good valid reasons not to have the bratty ss at her special meal. Why should she be a martyr to this shitty behaviour? Adults don't have to put up with this stuff from other people's badly behaved offspring.

Notyetamother · 03/01/2023 00:54

@randomusername666 because she is married to the child's father. Is she doesn't want him there she should arrange it on a different day not on their time together IMO

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 03/01/2023 00:59

watcherintherye · 02/01/2023 23:32

Think how you might tackle things in a few years time when your toddler turns out to be a rude stroppy teenager (I know, I know, of course it won’t happen…but it might Wink) and then do that.

I expect she'll leave the teenager at home and go out for dinner without her, if she doesn't have another toddler at home to worry about.

That's what I do anyway... isn't that the one joy of having teenagers? You can get some adult time back.

FictionalCharacter · 03/01/2023 01:00

As always the sanctimonious chorus of “what an evil stepmother you are” has started up. Predictable.
@decis just have your dinner on a different night, and you don’t need to lie. Family dinner at home on your birthday, dinner out with dh without the kids on another day.

harrassedmumto3 · 03/01/2023 01:04

You sound lovely Hmm

toomuchlaundry · 03/01/2023 01:07

@randomusername666 well maybe the dad could step up and be a parent and tell his teen how to behave

festiveoverwhelm · 03/01/2023 01:09

Seems strange to choose to have a child with a man who has already raised a “vile” son.

SugarplumFairyyy · 03/01/2023 01:12

decis · 02/01/2023 23:38

Thanks for the lovely patronising "wait until your dd is a teen" comments, one difference though, she is mine.

Dss is vile. No amount of telling him how not to act has worked so this is my decision

I was with you with all of this bit when you called him "vile" I cringed a bit. He's still a kid. I get his behaviour is out of sorts. But how would OH feel about the word vile.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 01:17

festiveoverwhelm · 03/01/2023 01:09

Seems strange to choose to have a child with a man who has already raised a “vile” son.

Oh but I’m sure her husband is a wonderful man and amazing father and really just soooo great and they’re so happy together. It’s just that he’s somehow managed to raise a vile son who gets in the way of their happy little family.

marvellousmaple · 03/01/2023 01:41

Poor lad

Original poster
decis · 03/01/2023 04:04

@Livelovebehappy you wouldn't, you would choose the toddler.

Dh is forever on at him, forever in talks with his mum. He swears constantly, loudly burps in restaurants & in a sort of "i dont give a fuck" sort of way. He makes sexist & racist comments. This is a start!

I do accept him as my dh's son, I include him in most things, but social things where his behaviour will embarrass us & ruin our night? No way & why should i?

I stand by it, he is vile

OP posts:
miraveille · 03/01/2023 04:12

How old
Is he? I say this as a step mum myself this is a very unhealthy dynamic

Original poster
decis · 03/01/2023 04:16

miraveille · 03/01/2023 04:12

How old
Is he? I say this as a step mum myself this is a very unhealthy dynamic

  1. I agree. Hoping he grows out of it
OP posts:
DarkNecessities · 03/01/2023 04:40

simple answer is to eat at home and go out and celebrate your birthday another time

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 08:05

I've never had stepkids at my birthday meal but it's easier for me as they're teens and we don't have younger kids together. So we just leave them at home or arrange for a night they're not here.

I have sympathy with you. My SS slurps everything he eats and it drives me nuts.

SandyY2K · 03/01/2023 08:30

He swears constantly, loudly burps in restaurants & in a sort of "i dont give a fuck" sort of way. He makes sexist & racist comments.

I feel like you have said he's racist and sexist to prove your point after some of the responses.... as this is something you should have said in your OP.

If he really is that bad, then why can't you tell your husband that you don't want his racist, sexist, loud burbing, swearing teenager of a son at your birthday meal.... and he should go home early, so you van celebrate without him. That sounds very reasonable, given how truly vile you say he is.

I doubt anyone would want to be at a restaurant with him and your husband should see your point.