Had enough. Banning DSD and her mother from my home.

[Boundaryqueen1]

Years of trying. Years of my kindness being taken for granted. Years of anguish. They’d be over the moon if they’d split my marriage up. Not happening. As of now, I am divorcing DSD and her mother permanently they are not to enter my house and it feels great. Have boundaries ladies. It’s not all on you and it never should have been. 🙌🏻

Simply not my problem.

My friend also did this to her husband DD from a previous relationship and it broke their marriage. (As it would mine if a man did this to my daughter)

It is a weird vibe indeed treating any family member who's brain isn't even fully developed yet as a cuckoo in the nest and launching them away from their parent and sibling.

If your own DD starts being a knob through her teenage years where will you be sending her away to?

I respect your asserting what boundaries are important to you, I just wish you weren't so obnoxious about it.

You can be empathetic and kind and still assertive. Try it.

If I have 2 children and one becomes a threat to the other then sadly I will be faced with separating them. I won't have one child be bullied and tormented in their own home.

OP is protecting her child. The other person (almost an adult) is not her child. Should ops daughter have her safety and mental health sacrificed for her older half sibling who doesn't need to be in the same home as her?

I suspect I’ve never spoken to you in my life so how do you work that out?

Well done OP. This sounds like a reasonable solution that maintains contact with her dad but protects you and your daughter who have a right to feel safe and calm in your own home. Also well done to your DP for working with you on this solution.

If DSD and her mum don’t like the new arrangement then it is in their hands to address her obnoxious behaviour. She is 17, of course you shouldn’t have to tolerate this in your home.

They’d be over the moon if they’d split my marriage up. Not happening.

I dunno it sounds like a resolution that works for you and your child which is important, but not sure if it's going to do your marriage any favours. Good luck!

Because she is a boundary-less bully.

Does she maybe come be ause her daughter has SEN and mental health issues that she knows you so not tolerate?

I support you OP, no way would I let someone else's teenager hate on my 7-year-old.
This girl's father should be dealing with and taking responsibility for her behaviour.

I went through hell as a child but never behaved like OP is describing, not to my parents or anyone else.

I could say exactly the same, but then maybe neither of us have the SN the OP drip fed about. Maybe both of us had the internal resources to cope but the OPs DSD simply doesn’t.

You’re sounding increasingly unpleasant, under the guise of being a ‘boundary queen’.

If you view the child as not being your problem I wonder why the child feels the need to act out.

She’s very clever and loves nothing more than seeing dramas and disruption of her own creations playing out in front of her.

And people wonder why step mums are so easily portrayed as being selfish?

Evidence right there.

But isn’t the consequence that she has possibly achieved exactly what she wants? It sounds like she didn’t exactly enjoy being at her fathers and step mothers home anyway? And the disruption her behaviour has caused will surely only fuel her view that she can act this way and others will bend over backwards to try and solve the problems it causes. So the OP loses out on family time when her DP returns to his daughters home. The DSD’s mother has to go and stay at her partners house to accommodate this. Sounds like a real sticking plaster solution to me and the root of the problem is being kicked down the road.

People who can’t cope with boundaries are walking red flags anyway.

Precisely. I find it astounding that some people either don’t get this or don’t want to get it.

I left home at 17. This young woman needs to learn you can’t act like a bitch and be showered with positivity.

Keep her and her mother out of your home.

@MelchiorsMistress

I agree. Sat here with dsd curry. When you meet a person with children they are part of the package. A lesson to all those thinking of starting a relationship with a parent is to consider if you can cope with the specific demands of being a step parent

Agree. Time will make it clear that DSD’s parents have to stop being so scared of giving consequences. It’s a sorry tale.

I love your style. I for one am fucking sick to the back teeth of these kidults, and that includes my own granddaughter.
well done you 👏👏👏👏

Yes probably. I expect it’s the only time she feels she has any control over what happens in her life and the only time she feels like her feelings are being acknowledged.

Negative behaviour in children is usually a form of communication. Someone needed to listen to and acknowledge and deal with how this child was feeling a decade ago.

But it isn't her problem to solve how another person a break from their own teenager. It's her DHs problem and the mums problem.

But really. Not my problem!

You need to protect your daughter who at 7 still needs protecting. A 17 year old knows her behaviour is shitty and is quite capable of taking responsibility.
It seems to me you have done the only thing possible.
Your DSD had a choice. Behave herself or not. She chose not to and must live with the consequences.
You have made the right choice for your own family, and glad to hear DH has your back

The same can’t be said for a child who has been brought up across two homes and then had half siblings thrown into the mix. A child in that situation will have grown up with issues that their parents could have chosen to avoid, but didn’t because of their own selfishness and belief that they are entitled to be happy and have whatever relationships and children they want

What?? Sooo... for example by this reasoning if two people in a relationship have children and one becomes violent and abusive 10 years layer the other should stay? And let the children think this is normal & healthy? ... WOW

Lots of internalised misogyny within people’s view of step mothers. Check your blind spots peeps.