Had enough. Banning DSD and her mother from my home.

[Boundaryqueen1]

Years of trying. Years of my kindness being taken for granted. Years of anguish. They’d be over the moon if they’d split my marriage up. Not happening. As of now, I am divorcing DSD and her mother permanently they are not to enter my house and it feels great. Have boundaries ladies. It’s not all on you and it never should have been. 🙌🏻

@Atethehalloweenchocs not excusing the behaviour i said i agreed with Op in decision made
But it also doesn't excuse the OP calling a child names either works both ways or not being in the slightest bit bothered when told some updates could be outing, thats not protecting a child either

@Sux2buthen yes helping fine , name calling not ok
Shes a grown adult calling a child a basket case , sorry but thats not ok on any level
Also not concerned if some details may be a bit outing ?

Sounds like she's had enough then eh

@Sux2buthen two wrongs don't make a right though do they
What if the DSD found out about this thread , how do you think that would help her MH
OP been in her life since 3 years old you would think she would still have some feelings for the child and not want to cause further upset at least

Well I mean...play silly games get silly prizes.
I'm not that invested tonne fair I just feel for the OP and she made me laugh.

For the sake of your little one's safety and your own health, you're doing the right thing @Boundaryqueen1

OP been in her life since 3 years old you would think she would still have some feelings for the child

Not really when the young woman has betrayed her and seems kind of 'evil.'

Shes a grown adult calling a child a basket case

It's a matter of months before this 'child' is officially an adult, so...

Is it a case of 'one day, but not today and not even tomorrow- but maybe the day after that.'

it also doesn't excuse the OP calling a child names

The child sounds like something out of a horror film. No one says we shouldn't call murderers at 17 awful or something- or maybe only the most hardened lefty.

My friend had a dreadful time with a gang who were holding up people with knives and threatening to kill them. They were devastating vulnerable people locally. Evil and psychopathic are appropriate words for them regardless of their age. In fact their being children made their violent psychopathic behaviour even more disturbing. Imagine how they'll be as adults if they're starting out as violent criminals at fourteen.

Thank you for sharing this. Very hopeful.

The child sounds like something out of a horror film. No one says we shouldn't call murderers at 17 awful or something- or maybe only the most hardened lefty.

That’s an awful thing to say.

The child has special needs and mental health issues (and incredibly shit parents), it does not mean there should be no consequences for her actions but there will be a lot of behaviour that she cannot help.

Calling her evil or something from a horror film is a very nasty thing to say and sounds like something from the 1950s.

Heyyy step child (now adult) with ASD coming from the dreaded broken home and living over two houses to say

I bloody well support you op. People seemed to use sen as a excuse for shitty behaviour when in fact we too can just be arseholes and it's nothing linked to our neuro diversity .I can only speak for myself here but I like boundaries and rules ect and I knew as a 7 year old not to bully others. Let alone a 17 year old bullying a 8 year old.

People like to bully sms on here, no idea why. They ultimately don't like it when men remarry because they are replaced as wives and lose control.

Anyway glad you found a situation I. Which everyone will be happy.

Good for you 💐

Hello. I thought it was just a site that people visited maybe a couple of times a week?

Also just read your updates

Only on mn could a 17 year old welding nearly adult who has tried to stab both parents.

Be described as a poor child. And somehow some way (only dad and sm are to blame) but mostly op is to blame for it 😂😂 because she's a step mum and her DH had the audacity to remarry and have another child. Even though mums remarried too (no mum being mentioned as a shit parent though right ? 😂)

You couldn't make this shit up. Op your responses have literally made me laugh. "You sound like a bollock" is my personal favourite.

Some of you have been sniffing glue with your turkey to justify this 17 year olds behaviour.

I'm sad now as a child from a broken home I didn't go waving a knife around, because clearly being from a broken home excuses everything 😂😂

In all serious though op well done 👏🏼

Lol, if a bio parent reaches the end of their tether and asks their late-teenage child to leave there are plenty of posters happy to agree that said child is a twat, younger siblings require protection, and good parents can unfortunately produce bad children.

The DSD is not OP’s child, and she’s not obliged to tolerate what a parent would. If the DH doesn’t like it then he can leave, but it seems this way forward works for him as well as OP. Good for you OP, and I wish you well going forward.

in regards to empathy, it’s always the ones lecturing an OP about needing to extend it to the stepchild, that fail to extend it to be the OP. If empathy was used it would be easy to understand why someone, pushed to their limits after years of terrible behaviour, may feel gleeful about the removal of the source of that.

Empathy is neither absolute nor infinite. You can understand why someone behaves as they do and still hate them for the impact said behaviour as had. You can understand someone and still not want them anywhere near you. Understanding behaviour is not the same thing as excusing it. Empathy is not the same thing as rolling over and taking a kicking because ‘poor X has had a rough life’ and it’s unkind not to.

And with a violent teen/young adult who is your son or daughter you may actually have to take that course of action to protect your younger children.

I know a handful of adults who have done so.

I don't blame you op , i have a step child who gave me and her father quite a bit of trouble ,nothing compared to yours , i loved her once but her behavior over years chipped away at that leaving me with indifference.
She had stability with her father and me but a malicious mother.
She is an adult now with her own kids and i know she regrets her nastiness but too much water has gone under the bridge and i would never trust her .
The op has clearly put up with a hell of lot for a long time, to everyone critical of her how much more do you think she should take ?
You know nothing unless you have been in the same position.

@OldFan no personally I don't think calling anyone a basket case who has MH issues is ok and also SN
mental helath carries enough stigma

@OldFan most people can't just switch of feelings and the SD is going through some tough times as well , has MH issues and SN so there is some history too it
Surely as a person who has watched a young child grow up and been part oft their life, you would also be sad that this is how it has turned out

As someone who has asd (joys) and I can only speak for some of us.But having Nerodiversity doesn't excuse trying to stab both your mum and dad with a kitchen knife and also hiding that sharp knife behind a 3 year olds toy in hopes the child would get hurt is.

Some of us - myself included would call anyone who's nearly 18 doing this behaviour a basket case. Nerodiversity or not.

And after this many years of putting up with that crap op is totally ok to use that language on a anonymous forum and not repeatedly be beaten for it.

If someone was waving a knife in your child's face I doubt you would be saying okie dokie that's ok you didn't mean to stab my child.... sigh

@healthadvice123 I think OP has made it clear she's sad a child she cared for at a young age has turned out like this. But the fact is she is now like this, has been for quite a while, and OP has a younger child she needs to protect.

And feelings change if someone we once liked/cared for is awful to us and those we love, for an extended period of time. That's normal.

So this!

I’m so sick of ASD being used an excuse for shitty behaviour, or wheeled out the second any twatty behaviour is described on a thread (‘Have you considered they may have ASD op?’).

I have autism. So does my dc. Diagnosed by the NHS and I receive an indefinite PIP award (just said as that gives some indication of the difficulties I experience because of it).

We have somehow managed to be good people, follow rules and not abuse people, even with a disability. Shocker I know.

There was a teenage girl kicking off in a&e once, hitting her own mother and screaming at staff. Her idiot of a mother sat there doing nothing and was simpering to all around that it was because she had autism. It infuriated me and her face was a picture when I said I did too.

Funnily enough, she stopped being abusive the second the staff made it clear that she would be out of the door if she carried on and they wouldn’t see her. I.e. when she actually might have to face done consequences for her actions.

Some people with severe autism cannot control themselves, but those with a high IQ are perfectly capable of being kind and not abusing people.

Mum should never have been in your house in the first place!

Of course I’m sad.
A woman’s rage is so unacceptable isn’t it? We’d much rather see a woman sad and crushed than galvanised into action by anger. Ahh so much misogyny in step-mother land.
Thank you to all of you who have private messaged me with such empathy and kindness.
Happy New Year!