Had enough. Banning DSD and her mother from my home.

[Boundaryqueen1]

Years of trying. Years of my kindness being taken for granted. Years of anguish. They’d be over the moon if they’d split my marriage up. Not happening. As of now, I am divorcing DSD and her mother permanently they are not to enter my house and it feels great. Have boundaries ladies. It’s not all on you and it never should have been. 🙌🏻

The stepmum can win. The way to win is not to kick out minors from their homes. Easy isn't it really?

OP made the choice to get involved with someone who had kids. Her DSD didn't have that choice (of who her step mum will be).

And now the DSD gets punished because of all of the adults in this situation. If you're willing to treat a kid like shit, yeah, don't get involved with people who have kids. It really is that easy.

Never mind just seen you answered this

Many parents get to a stage with their own kids that 'enough is enough' and turf their kids out and it's normally called 'tough love'

Turfing out a 17 year old who is still in FT education and has SEN and MH issues, isn’t tough love it’s negligent parenting.

I don’t think many people would consider it ‘tough love’ to ban your underage ND child from the family home because they’re a ‘basket case’ due to your bad parenting. It would just be considered shit parenting.

Like I said, your pot shots don’t work on me. I can only suggest you re-read your posts with a bit more self awareness. The end.

I would love to know more about the behavior of the DSD.

Ultimately though, the most vulnerable person here is the 7 year old. Abuse toward younger siblings is not taken as seriously as other abuse, for some reason, which can be really damaging.

When it's step kids & parents, the parents are labelled 'wicked'.

OP has also said her mum and dad have failed her as parents.

So why would someone be turned out because they’ve been raised by shit parents.

Maybe83
what’s wrong with calling a spade a spade.

Full House in the ‘how Mumsnet treats step mums bingo!’
Predictable as to be almost embarrassing.
👏

OP you have obviously snapped after years of being as supportive and self-sacrificial as you could. And I support your choice.

Are you going to answer the questions asking if you attempted to put up boundaries with your dsd growing up?

Not as predictable as what seems to be the typical MN self absorbed, neglectful step mum who takes pride in kicking a child out of their home.

Go you!! Queen

despite all attempts from DSD’s mother to alienate him he has take oceans of crap to show up for DSD every step of the way. He too is ready to put his foot down.

Put his foot down - by moving into her home for half the week, even though she’s apparently tried to constantly alienate him and would be over the moon if you 2 separated?
Lol what a prince he is.

Considered by narrow minded people like you as a shit parent would be a badge of honour afaic.
if you were in my real life, you’d be first on my list to give us some respite and take care of my delightful DSD for a week- see how you fare after one or two days.

I was playing stepmum bingo too.

Just waiting for 'you're her parent' for the full house!

you’d be first on my list to give us some respite and take care of my delightful DSD for a week

You only have DSD for half of the week though don’t you?

I’m not her parent. Her father is her parent. He’s been her father all her life. According to you he never bothered parenting her properly. That’s your problem. Of course you want to blame it on your vile basket case SD, because that’s much easier than blaming it on your husband.

This might shock you but some of us do have experience of dealing with difficult children and our idea of handling it doesn't involve kicking them out of their homes. Hope this helps!

It's very difficult for one parent to maintain discipline and rules when the other will not agree/enforce. I know one that stopped coming to his father's home at 17 because he could do whatever he wanted as his mother's house. She was happy to allow this because it allowed her to perpetuate the lie that their divorce was 100% his father's fault and she was blameless. Her son was kicked out of school for trading drugs and then totaled her car. She then bought him a car of his own (which he also totaled) and continued to shower him with endless other expensive things.

At age 20 he continues today to choose to spend all of his time there, where he can sleep all day, openly smoke pot, not have a job or be in school, have his girlfriend sleep over or just stay out all night. She has two jobs. He has zero.

She's a counselor for families and children with drug issues.

I've noticed at this point on most threads, people just end up arguing their own view points and it all gets very petty. I dont see the point in wasted energy. It's OP'S life and she's lived it. We can agree or disagree with the choice made but being respectful doesn't require us to agree with her.

Your life should 100% be selfless devotion to your DC, but also firm personal boundaries with focus on self care.
You have to work and have a social life, whilst ensuring DC get the same social life/homework/reading/1on1 time, and dont forget the housework.
You must nurture and encourage through only positivity and quiet calm, but don't let DC become entitled or badly behaved.
Stand for no nonsense, but never raise your voice or use punishments.
Don't ever speak badly of your DC, especially if they are genuinely being dicks.
All of this whilst dealing with unstable terrorists who lose their shit over things like being given the wrong coloured cup and might liken you to Hitler for turning the WiFi off.

There are whole groups of people on here that must be parenting a whole different species to me. 🤷‍♀️
I hope it all calms down for you OP

It isn’t black and white. He is trying to maintain a relationship with his daughter and is taking one for the team by having her at the home of a woman who has bullied him for years to ensure this happens.

Actually we have just had her for a whole week. Without notice her mother decided this. What a joyful Christmas it’s been for all.

My own eldest dd was an absolute arsehole at 17 and I wanted to honestly run away to escape the behaviour and drama many times. I can't blame you if your stepdaughter is the same.

She is the product of parents who don’t give boundaries or consequences. Simple as that I’m afraid.

No my DH is a wonderful, patient husband and father and despite all attempts from DSD’s mother to alienate him he has take oceans of crap to show up for DSD every step of the way. He too is ready to put his foot down.
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One of these things is not like the other ...