DSC and gifts

[panko]

Bit annoyed because my DH knows I have got gifts to the DSC from me and our shared little one, we did this the last two years. And before that I've always got them a token sometning frlm myself. I asked him today what they'd got DC for Christmas and he just said nothing I didn't think it mattered.

I had to tell him it very much mattered, how are we all supposed to be equals in this family if Christmas just becomes about the older kids getting presents. I daren't even remind him they've got me something small every year too. Tbh they are old enough to sort it out themselves. I'm tempted to leave it and if nothing appears on Christmas day I won't bother next year and save myself the effort.

That’s really poor.

Your shared kids matter too and your DH should be putting in the effort for these things.

I think also how the are the DSC going to feel on Christmas day with LO gives them their gift and they have nothing to give back? I mean maybe they won't care but if they do they'll be like awkward.

Is this not just a difference in what you both see as the done thing?

Personally I don't see why siblings, when children anyway, need to get each other gifts. They aren't actually from the children because you've bought them and just stuck your little ones name on it. Did your husband get any say in doing this 'sibling gift' thing? Or was it your idea and now he needs to go and do it too for the stepkids otherwise it's not "fair"?

I've got siblings and I can say I don't think we ever gave each other gifts as children at Christmas. We each got our gifts off Santa/family and that was that.

Same in our house now. We have our joint child together and then DHs two older children. They never "get" each other presents. I'd be a bit pee'd if DH just decided he was going to go and buy a gift "from" his older kids to give to ours and then because of that I then needed to go out and buy ANOTHER present for SCs "from" our child.

If you want to do this sibling gift giving thing (which imo is not actually the norm) then I think you should sort it.

Also it sounds like there are multiple DSC involved here. I'd be interested to know if they get each other gifts too or is it just your shared child and "they" as a unit that need to exchange presents?

Just seems very odd to me to expect child siblings to have presents to exchange with each other on Christmas. If you want to do it, I don't see why you can't sort all of it. It won't be any more or less from your SCs if you or your husband buy the gift.

You needed to have talk beforehand about this and discuss or tell your DH your ideas. Men literally do not think like this.

How old are all the kids?

We've done it the last two years. Before that we did the same with the DSC.

He helps them get something for their mum too.

Feel like such an after thought.

10 and 13 old enough to be doing this themselves if they wanted but they never do without prompting. Probably inherited that from their dad.

Oh and DC is a toddler

I spent years being the afterthought as a step parent and it never gets better. Look after yourself and your own child and expect nothing from DSC or DH, that’s all that ever worked for me.

Sorry that’s a load of baloney!

10 & 13 yr olds should not be tasked with buying presents for anyone, let alone their siblings. Why do you feel the need to put this false pressure on children?
just stop with the OTT gifting and spend some quality family time together.
you’re teaching them xmas is about gift giving, not about being a family.

Right except they'll expect gifts at christmas won't they.

Yes I'll see what happens we have time yet. I can always get them nothing next year and tell them I thought that's what we were doing now.

They've bought each other a gift though but left it at mums aparantly. so they've managed to buy for 1 out of their 2 siblings each

@panko firstly, ignore the bitter first wives club. You can spot them a mile off.

Secondly, it seems to me your annoyance is primarily directed at your DH as it should be. But you've already proposed the solution. If he doesn't step up, particularly having been told, don't do it next year and explain to him presents between his children are his to organise.

Ps 1 of 4 siblings here. We always got each other Christmas gifts 🤷🏻‍♀️horses for courses, innit?

Yes this is right. I'm annoyed that he likes to go on about how we are all one family but we clearly aren't.

Your toddler will be oblivious, but why waste the opportunity to stick it to an 11 year old.

You're supposed to be the adult here.

It’s not the kids fault. Your husband is selfish and thoughtless. Take it up with him.

I did thats what this thread is about

You could have made it clear you meant your husband.

Could have sworn you said "they" and "they are old enough"

Kids don't buy for each other at that age. One is still at primary for heavens sake.

You’re saying the kids are old enough to sort it themselves, therefore blaming them too. And saying you won’t bother with them next year if they don’t do what you want this year. It’s your useless husbands fault and only his fault.

Why do you say that?

In my family we always bought gifts for each other. We had small amount of pocket money which we saved, or earned with tasks, and we'd go to car boots/jumble sales and get presents for each other, and our parents. Christmas was always about all of us giving each other presents, although we kids also got a few extra and stockings from father Christmas!

Now I agree that each family needs to decide how they do presents, and keep it consistent. But the idea that children don't participate in gift giving at Christmas is totally alien to me!!

@Newusernameaug this is not what this thread is about, but surely it's better to teach children Christmas is about giving, rather than just receiving? Another way is to get kids to make cards or gifts - I do think it is lovely to teach children to think of others. This was never a hardship for me, I always loved choosing or making things for my family, so does my 3 year old.