DSC and gifts

[panko]

Bit annoyed because my DH knows I have got gifts to the DSC from me and our shared little one, we did this the last two years. And before that I've always got them a token sometning frlm myself. I asked him today what they'd got DC for Christmas and he just said nothing I didn't think it mattered.

I had to tell him it very much mattered, how are we all supposed to be equals in this family if Christmas just becomes about the older kids getting presents. I daren't even remind him they've got me something small every year too. Tbh they are old enough to sort it out themselves. I'm tempted to leave it and if nothing appears on Christmas day I won't bother next year and save myself the effort.

@StepmumQuestions

And pocket money was alien to me.

For my own kids, think we introduced it around late teens.

Can't imagine putting that expectation on an 11 year old.

Christ step child here. We of course got presents for my siblings (half, step ect) and I did it from a young age too. Nothing extravagant but it taught me that actually gift giving is a joy in its self and helped to remind me that Christmas isn't just about receiving gifts, it's giving too.

If you hadn't posted this on the step board or mentioned that this was a blended family, I think the answers would be very different.

I would focus on your Dc and the morals you want to instil in them. Then get DSC a gift without the expectation of receiving is a good lesson but also if DSC feel awkward about it maybe it will prompt them to be more active in getting gifts next year without prompting.

I know I'm gonna get slaughtered for this but I said what I said.

10 and 13? Do they have their own money? My kids only now buy for each other (late teens) as one has a job! Otherwise it was me saying 'how about getting this for your sister/brother' and paying for it. Your husband should do it with them.

Right but they've bought for each other

That's a very good point. I shall just carry on with no expectations for DC's sake.

I'm with you OP. I've experienced this too.
It was my DH that I was most annoyed at. Both my Mum and I had bought gifts for the DSC, I'd nominally got a gift from baby DD to her siblings too and the kids had absolutely nothing for Mum, me or DD. It hadn't occurred to any of them to get us anything - I felt very much the outsider that year.. DH hadn't got a gift for my Mum either and she had got several thoughtful gifts for him.
I was furious and didn't hide my feelings.
It only happened once.
They're a bit older now and very kind and thoughtful with their gift giving. I think it is important that kids understand that there is a degree of reciprocal thought required - although it should be facilitated by an adult until they're older. It's not about the money or value of a gift.

My 14 year old has 4 siblings two on each side. When does it stop? He has big family on both sides. He doesn't buy them gifts.

@Beamur Yes that's exactly it. The idea that DH knew I had sorted out DC's gift to them and if I hadn't had asked he wasnt going to bother. Sends an awful message about all the kids being equal and siblings. As if Christmas is all about giving the DSC gifts.

@panko

"Right but they've bought for each other"

That is just so ridiculously petty.

They are children. Presumably spending Xmas morning in their mothers house, exchanging a token gift. Probably encouraged by their mother.

You are focusing your attention in the wrong place.

But sure, carry on sniping at 2 children.

That's fine. In our family we do and have done.

Hang on.

That was in response to Kids don't buy for each other at that age. They have. They've just not bought for DC. And yes I am annoyed at DH. And only slightly irked that the eldest hasn't thought hang on we have another sibling.

Why have you decided this? Do you expect them to use pocket money? Get your dh to get something if your that bothered on their behalf.

Yes that's literally what he's done the previous two years! And he gets their mums. They don't have to spend a penny.

Strange one, I didn't think kids bought for each other at that age? We certainly never and don't in this family. I have 2 kids and a stepson who is 12. His mum actually buys my 2 presents but if she didn't I don't think he would.
And I don't buy presents for him from me and the kids?
Me and my husband buy him presents (from Santa when younger) together, like we do with the others.
You get them a gift that is just from you and not your husband?

So the issue is your dh not your dsc they are children.

you've implied that you won’t bother next year if the kids haven’t bought anything themselves for you and your child. I think that’s quite unpleasant given that they’re not of an age that they will have jobs and independence. The 10 year old surely doesn’t go on shopping trips alone? Do you give them pocket money? A gift isn’t bought with the expectation of getting something in return. Their mum has probably facilitated buying between her 2 children. And yes I would have done this for their other sibling and probably you as well but she may well have presumed their dad would sort this out. Or why don’t you take them to the shop to get something for your child? Be annoyed with your oh by all means but I think anger towards the children is misplaced. I buy for family children, they don’t buy me anything in return

Also at this stage do you actually know that they haven’t bought for your child or aren’t going to? There’s a week until Christmas!

We always did - Often not bought but made and so did DH.

You get them a gift that is just from you and not your husband? yes that's how we do it. We have semi split finances.

Not a blended family here, but when my DC were that age we would do a family trip to a Christmas market and they'd each buy gifts for me and DH and their siblings. It worked really well when they were too young to shop independently and was also a fun family day out! Probably too late for this year, but maybe an idea for next year?

OP you are putting an AWFUL lot on two young children expecting them to figure out blended family gift giving etiquette.

Look closer to home for someone to blame.

I'm blaming DH but yes you're right I shouldn't expect them to think of DC. As long as I don't encourage DC too much to think of them then it will all be fine. It will only be a problem if DC cares about them more than they do DC.

OP your last post is so childish.

It wasn't meant to be. It would be unfair to let DC get so attached to their siblings if the DSC don't think much of them and don't really care about then much.

So now your narrative is "they don't care about my child".

They are CHILDREN!!

How often do you need to be told.