My husband has two kids from a previous marriage, I have kids from my previous marriage me we have twins together who are 7 weeks old.
My DH kids are causing a real strain in the family home. They are age 11 and 8. They tantrum A LOT, every time they don't get their own way. They refuse to get dressed for school, one refuses to wear school uniform which results in DH bollocking him which ends on shouting in the mornings. Now my kids keep kicking off that they have to wear school uniform when he doesn't. One boy throws things, smashes up his room and screams/ shouts when he gets told off/ has consequences which 9/10 DH goes back on for an easy life. My kids do not usually behave this way but this week my daughter (9) went nuts and threw things all around her room as she was told to get ready for school. She wouldn't usually dream of behaving this way. I was calmly dealing with it and DH went nuts. One of his boys claims that my children are bullying him every time he doesn't get his way playing games etc, today it was because he lost at a game of rock paper scissors, he was crying and went running to his dad dying my kids called him a loser. It transpired that he had made it all up because he lost the game, DH gave him hugs and comforted him instead of giving him consequences for lying. When at their mums they are allowed to be on their phones/ Xbox etc constantly and aren't allowed to do that here, as aren't my kids. We get loads of 'mummy lets us do cuz' and DH won't address this with her even when it's about them during large bottles of lucozade, eating tonnes of sweets and not going to bed until 3 am. My kids are not allowed to do this but his are a nightmare to get to bed when they come to us. Their mum lets them sleep in till midday when they should be at school. They haven't been to school with their mum for around 6 months and are under social services with her to get them to go to school.
They ignore me if I ask them to do something or ask them to stop doing something. One of them runs around the house all the time a DH says nothing but my kids he tells off.
Hi ex wants us to have ad-hoc contact with the kids so sometimes we have them for the weekend and other weeks we have them for 2 weeks, often with just 2/3 hours notice and sometimes 10 mins before she comes to the door. AIBU in wanting a bit of notice. I have had to cancel appointments for the twins and my other children so I am home for his kids to get in from school due to the adhoc nature of when we have them and due to the short notice, mine go to after school club till DH finishes work. I am completely done in. I am sick of his kids acting the way they do, I'm sick of my kids being treated differently by DH and I'm sick of DH letting his ex take the piss. I have suggested that we have set days with his kids so we can make arrangements for appointment etc on the days we don't have them so we don't have to rearrange stuff. I have asked him to address this with his ex-w but he never does as he 'scared' she will stop him seeing the kids all together.
I just want to cry some days as it's so stressful, I want to calmly and gently parent my children and have a calm household, but this is all going out of the window in the midst of the shouting, tantrums and general chaos when his kids are here.
Maybe I'm just hormonal from having the twins, or maybe I'm being unreasonable.
Sorry this is such a long rant post, I'm up breastfeeding the babies max just feeling like total shit about it all DH has gone away for the night so I'm dealing with it all on my own.
If you are still reading then Thankyou